PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE 

B  Come&s  in  jfout  Bets 


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ANTHONY  HOPEc/*^2- 

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COPYRIGHT,  1908,  BY  ANTHONY  HOPE  HAWKINS 


^ 

THAT  THIS  PLAY  IS  FULLY  COPYF.lG,         D  UN  J  ^^  ALLOWED 

THE  UNITED  8T      "V.l^  MTA.NEO  ^Mt381<)«  Of 

U..S, 


NEW  YORK 
SAMUEL  FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

26  WEST  22D  STREET 


LONDON 

SAMUEL  FRENCH,  LTD 

26  SOUTHAMPTON    STREET, 

STRAND 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 


Produced  at  the  Garrick  Theatre,  London,  on  January  ##, 
1902,  with  the  following  cast : 

RIGHT.  HON.  HORATIO  MANGAN, 

M.P Mr.  Edmund  Maurice. 

(Prime  Minister  and  First  Lord  of  the  Treasury) 

HON.  Lucius  V ANDEAN,  C.B Mr.  Arthur  Bourchier. 

(His  Private  Secretary) 

EARL  OF  ADDISWORTH,  M.P Mr.  H.  V.  Esmond. 

(His  Assistant  Private  Secretary,  unpaid) 

JOSHUA  PILKERTON Mr.  Jerrold  Robertshaw. 

JACK  PILKERTON Mr.  H.  B.  Warner. 

(His  Son) 

HERBERT  V.  BASCOM,  M.P Mr.  Sam  Sothern. 

(For  the  Wrensford  Division) 

JENKINS Mr.  Albert  Sims. 

LADY  HETTY  WREY Miss  Eva  Moore. 

IDA  PILKERTON Mrs.  Maesmore  Morris. 

Two  Footmen  at  Mr.  Pilkerton's. 


TIME— The  present  day. 


ACT    I.  The  Private's  Secretary's  Room  in  Downing  Street. 

Wednesday  Morning. 
ACT   II.  A   Sitting-Room   at    Packnam,  Mr.   Pilkerton's 

Country  House,  Sunday  Afternoon. 
ACT  III.  The  same.    Sunday  Evening. 
ACT  IV.  Same  as  Act  I.    Noon  on  Monday, 


308 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 


ACT    I. 

SCENE  :  The  Private  Secretary's  Room.  'A  high, 
square  room,  plainly  but  solidly  furnished. 
Door  up  back,  by  it  a  bell,  R.  of  door  a  large 
window,  by  window  a  mirror.  Door  in  flat  up 
R.  leading  to  Prime  Minister's  room.  Door 
down  in  flat  L.  leading  to  ADDISWORTH'S  room. 
Writing  tables  with  high  backs  R.  and  L.,  just 
above  doors,  and  armchairs  between  them  and 
walls.  A  large  armchair  L.  C.  a  little  up;  a 
smaller  chair  R.  C.  against  back  of  desk  R. 
Desk  L.  is  covered  with  papers  arranged  in 
bundles  and  fastened  with  tape  and  elastic, 
and  books  of  reference,  including  Dod.  Desk 
L.  has  a  few  papers  in  disorder. 

[VANDEAN,  a  spruce,  well-dressed  man  of  34 
or  35  is  sitting  at  desk  L.,  he  is  in  morn- 
ing  dress,  frock-coat,  etc.,  and  holds  in 
his  hand  a  bundle  of  letters. 

VANDEAN  (turning  over  letter  after  letter) .  Pil- 
kerton — Pilkerton — Pilkerton —  ( growing  annoy- 
ance)— Pilkerton — Pilkerton  —  Pilkerton — (exas- 
perated)— Pilkerton  —  Pilk-er-ton  —  Pilk-er-ton — 
Pilk — Oh,  confound  him ! 

[Presses  letters  together,  encloses  them  in 
elastic    band,    flings    them    down,    and 
throws  himself  back  in  his  chair. 
5 


6  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

[Enter  ADDISWORTH  L.  He  sidles  in,  sits 
down  hastily  at  desk  R.,  rustles  papers, 
then  looks  across  at  VANDEAN  with  a 
smile.  He  is  very  smart,  very  young  and 
easy  in  manner. 

ADDISWORTH.     Morning,  Van. 

VANDEAN  (looking  at  more  letters).  Late 
again,  Addisworth. 

ADDISWORTH.  My  dear  Vandean,  men  with 
Parliamentary  duties  can't  keep  early  hours. 
(yawns).  And  I'm  no  earthly  use  here,  you  know. 

VANDEAN.    No  man  knows  it  better. 

ADDISWORTH  (takes  out  watch  and  shakes  it). 
Had  an  evening  off  last  night,  though — count  out 
at  nine.  Female  Suffrage  coming  on,  so  of  course 
nobody  kept  a  house.  I  had  no  end  of  a  jolly  time 
at— 

VANDEAN.     Shut  up,  I'm  busy. 

ADDISWORTH.  All  right,  old  man.  I  won't  say 
another  word.  (Silence  a  moment).  What's  the 
fun? 

VANDEAN.    If  you  call  a  list  of  honours  fun — 

ADDISWORTH.  Honours?  Oh,  by  Jove,  yes. 
Heavy  lot  this  year? 

VANDEAN.     Not  if  I  can  help  it. 

ADDISWORTH.  About  the  last  chance  we  shall 
have.  The  country's  damned  sick  of  us.  I  bet 
we're  turned  out  at  the  next  election. 

VANDEAN.  Well,  there's  always  an  obituary  list 
you  know,  (pause). 

ADDISWORTH.     I 


[He  takes  out  cigarette  case  and  is  about  to 
light  up.     VANDEAN  sees. 

VANDEAN.     Addisworth,  the  traditions  of  this 
room  do  not  allow — 

ADDISWORTH.     Oh,  hang  it,   I   forgot.      (Puts 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  7 

"back  cigarette  case,  then  rises  and  comes  to  C.). 
I  say — (VANDEAN  pushes  'back  his  chair  and  pre- 
pares to  listen).  I  wish  you'd  ask  the  Chief  to 
give  me  the  G.  B.  (Sitting  on  the  side  of  his 
desk). 

VANDEAN  (pulling  chair  "back  to  desk  again). 
Wouldn't  you  prefer  the  Bishopric  of  Birming- 
ham? It's  vacant. 

ADDISWORTH.     Oh,  bar  rot.    Why  shouldn't  he? 

VANDEAN.  Are  you  aware  that  I — I — am  only  a 
C.  B.? 

ADDISWORTH.    Oh,  he'll  give  you  the  K.  C.  B. 

VANDEAN.  No,  thank  you.  Sir  Lucius!  And 
all  the  fellows  calling  me  O'Trigger! 

ADDISWORTH.  You  see,  if  I  got  the  G.  B.  my 
governor  would  think  I  was  a  deuced  hard-work- 
ing chap. 

VANDEAN.  The  object  of  the  Order  of  the  Bath 
is  not  to  foster  delusion  in  the  minds  of  aristo- 
cratic parents,  Addisworth. 

ADDISWORTH.  The  governor's  awfully  sick  at 
not  getting  the  last  Garter.  In  fact,  I  heard  him 
say  that  the  Government's  Patagonian  Policy  was 
so  infernal  that  he'd  half  a  mind  to  stand  neutral 
next  election. 

VANDEAN  (sceptical).  Are  you  quite  sure  he 
said  that,  Addisworth?  (Holding  up  paper  knife). 

ADDISWORTH.  Honour  bright,  old  boy.  I  admit 
it  was  after  dinner,  but  you  needn't  tell  the  Chief 
that.  But  if  I  get  the  G.  B. — (Rises  and  comes 
towards  VANDEAN). 

VANDEAN.  I'll  mention  it  if  I  can;  he  won't 
look  at  it,  of  course. 

ADDISWORTH.  Thanks  awfully,  (goes  R.  and 
comes  back).  And  while  you're  about  it — 

VANDEAN.  Oh,  do  shut  up.  How  can  I  get  on 
with  these  beastly  Honours? 

ADDISWORTH.     All  right,  I'll  work.     (Goes  back 


8  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

to  desk  R.  and  sits.  A  moment's  silence) .  I  say, 
what  about  Pilkerton?  (Rises  and  goes  C.). 

VANDEAN  (pushing  back  his  chair  violently 
and  holding  up  the  Pilkerton  bundle).  Only  that 
about  Pilkerton !  Who  is  Pilkerton  ?  Why  do  a 
Bishop,  and  two  deans,  25  Members,  17  Peers,  the 
Lord  Mayor,  and  the  President  of  the  Royal 
Academy  all  want  Pilkerton  made  a  peer?  I'm 
sick  of  Pilkerton! 

ADDISWORTH.  He  does  you  awfully  well.  And 
Ida  Pilkerton's  an  uncommonly  pretty  girl. 

VANDEAN.  I  don't  say  I  have  any  influence — I 
don't  think  I  have  any  influence,  Addisworth — 

ADDISWORTH.  Oughtn't  to  have,  anyhow — chap 
like  you. 

VANDEAN.  But  if  I  have  any  small  influence 
with  the  Chief — if  he  attaches  any  value  at  all  to 
my  opinion,  Pilkerton  will  not  get  a  peerage.  A 
peerage,  if  you  please!  Now,  if  he  wanted  a 
knighthood,  or  even  the  Gabriel  and  Joseph — 

ADDISWORTH.  You  could  work  it,  if  you  liked. 
Look  here,  old  chap,  I'll  chuck  my  C.B.  if  you'll 
manage  the  Pilkerton  business.  (Sits  on  edge  of 
desk  R.). 

VANDEAN  (crossing  his  legs).  My  dear  Addis- 
worth,  you  are  an  Earl,  by  courtesy,  and  a  Mem- 
ber of  Parliament,  by  an  abuse.  But  you're 
.young,  and,  in  fact,  green.  You  don't  know  the 
rules  of  this  game.  The  government  of  this  coun- 
try is  conducted  on  principles  of  purity,  tempered 
by  the  traditions  of  the  Constitution.  (ADDIS- 
WORTH whistles).  You,  as  the  Duke  of  Wrens- 
ford's  son,  are  within  those  traditions,  and  any 
reasonable  job  will  be  managed  for  you.  I,  owing 
to  my  birth  and  office,  am  within  those  traditions 
to  a  less  degree,  and  I  hope  and  trust  that  some 
day  a  job — a  moderately  scandalous  job — will  be 
managed  for  me.  But  Pilkerton  is  not  within 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  9 

those  traditions.  Accordingly  to  Pilkerton  the 
principles  of  purity  apply  in  all  their  native 
rigidity. 

ADDISWORTH.     But  if  Pilkerton — 

VANDEAN.  If  Pilkerton  wishes  to  bring  himself 
within  the  traditions  and  thus  eliminate  the  ap- 
plication of  the  principles,  there  are — er — well 
ascertained  ways.  (ADDISWORTH  about  to  speak). 
No,  they  are  not  in  my  department.  Besides,  we 
never  put  them  into  words — or  figures  either. 
And  I  ask  again,  who  is  Pilkerton? 

ADDISWORTH  (rises  and  goes  to  stove  (7.).  His 
place  Packnam  is  in  Berkshire,  near  our  place  at 
Wrensford.  I'm  going  down  there  to-night.  And 
the  daughter,  Jda — 

VANDEAN  (rises  and  goes  to  shelf).  Being  the 
father  of  your  daughter  won't  do — not  nowadays. 
It  would  a  century  or  two  back.  Now  you  must 
be  the  son  of  your  father. 

ADDISWORTH  (retreating  to  Ms  desk,  sits).  If 
the  Chief  only  knew  Pilkerton — 

VANDEAN.  Oh,  hang  Pilkerton !  Besides,  we're 
not  going  in  for  peers  this  time.  They  haven't 
become  extinct  up  to  average. 

ADDISWORTH.  Oh,  it  don't  matter  how  many 
there  are,  of  the  lower  degrees — (going  to  desk 
R.). 

VANDEAN.  Addisworth,  your  inexpressible  in- 
solence leaves  me  speechless.  I — 

[Enter  from  door  R.,  MANGAN,  tall,  thin,  grey, 
'bald,  sprucely  dressed,  carrying  red  hand- 
kerchief. His  manner  is  affable,  and 
rather  paternal.  VANDEAN  at  "back  of 
desk  L. 

MANGAN.     Good  morning,  Lucius;  good  morn- 
ing, Addisworth. 
VANDEAN     AND     ADDISWORTH     (rising).     Good 


10  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

morning,  sir.     (VANDEAN  hands  list  to  MANGAN). 
MANGAN   (pointing  to  VANDEAN'S  desk).    Hard 
at  work,  as  usual?    Oh  yes,  the  Honours,  to  be 
sure.    You're  getting  them  in  order  for  me? 

(ADDISWORTH  sits  again). 

VANDEAN.  Doing  a  bit  of  weeding,  sir.  (sits 
at  desk). 

MANGAN.  (to  ADDISWORTH).  There  is  no  more 
responsible  or  delicate  duty  attaching  to  the 
office  which  I  have  the  honour  to  hold  than  that 
of  advising  with  regard  to  the  bestowal  of  per- 
sonal and  hereditary  distinctions.  It  is  necessary 
to  bring  to  the  task  keen  insight,  balanced  judg- 
ment, and  an  absolute  blindness  to  everything 
except  merit. 

ADDISWORTH  (respectfully).    Yes,  sir. 

MANGAN  (turning  to  VANDEAN).  Nasty  divis- 
ion last  night  before  dinner,  Lucius.  (Going  L. 
a  little) .  We  were  nearly  spun — er — I  should  say 
defeated.  Men  stayed  away. 

VANDEAN.  These  coalitions  are  fluky  things, 
sir. 

MANGAN.  I  agree,  Lucius,  I  agree.  Coalition 
administrations  are  unsatisfactory.  But  if  it  is 
the  only  possible  administration,  why,  as  the 
Great  Duke  said,  the  Government  must  be  carried 
on — 

VANDEAN.  And  as  long  as  possible  by  the  pres- 
ent Ministers. 

MANGAN.  Certainly.  He  was  in  office  himself 
at  the  time  and  that  was  what  Le  meant.  (ADDIS- 
WORTH laughs).  But  a  coalition  involves  sacri- 
fices. You  can't  get  the  measures  you  want. 

VANDEAN.  But  you  can  prevent  your  partners 
getting  what  they  want. 

MANGAN.  Oh,  I  don't  undervalue  that  feature, 
Lucius.  ( Chuckles) . 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  H 

VANDEAN.  Rather  like  marriage,  isn't  it,  sir? 
With  the  Opposition  for  a  mother-in-law — always 
in  the  House? 

ADDISWORTH  (patronizingly).  Not  bad,  Van, 
not  bad  at  all. 

MANGAN  (rather  severely).  Lord  Addisworth, 
do  no  duties  claim  your  attention  at  present? 

ADDISWORTH  (rises).  I  always  listen  when 
you're  so  good  as  to  talk,  sir.  And — I  hope  you 
won't  think  I'm  taking  a  liberty — but  I  make 
notes  of  your  conversation — keep  a  diary,  you 
know — like — like — like — 

VANDEAN  (smiling  sardonically).  He  means 
Charles  Greville,  sir;  name  just  slipped  his  mem- 
ory. (Rises). 

MANGAN  (much  pleased).  Good,  very  good. 
A  highly  commendable  practice.  It  may  be  your 
good  fortune  to  interest  posterity  in  my — in — er 
— eminent  personalities.  (Turns  to  VANDEAN). 
Lucius,  I  have  to  go  to  Lambeth.  His  Grace  is 
unhappily  laid  up  with  a  cold,  and  I  want  a  word 
with  him  about  the  Bishopric. 

VANDEAN.    Tiresome  job,  Bishops,  sir. 

MANGAN.  Incredibly  so,  Lucius,  incredibly  so. 
Mainly,  however,  because  our  clergy  are  not  celi- 
bate. (Goes  up  towards  door  ~back  R.  ADDIS- 
WORTH  hastens  to  open  door  for  him) .  Good-bye. 

ADDISWORTH  (holding  door  open).  I  say,  sir, 
do  you  know  Pilkerton? 

MANGAN.  Bilkerton?  No,  never  heard  of  Bil- 
kerton. Is  it  a  food?  If  so,  go  to  the  War 
Office;  they  won't  have  heard  of  it,  and,  I've  no 
doubt  they'll  appoint  a  Commission  and — 

ADDISWORTH.  No,  sir,  it's  not  a  food  and  it's 
not  Bilkerton,  it's — 

MANGAN.  No,  no,  I  don't  know  Bilkerton. 
Thank  you,  Addisworth.  Good-bye.  [He  goes  out. 


12  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

[ADDISWORTH  slams  door  and  comes  down  dis- 
consolately to  C.  VANDEAN  has  sat  down 
again  at  desk  L.  and  is  busy  with  papers. 

ADDISWORTH.  If  the  Chief  could  only  meet  Pil- 
kerton — 

VANDEAN.  I  will  not  hear  that  man's  name 
again  to-day ! 

[Enter  JENKINS,  a  large,  stout,  pompous  old 
man-servant  with  reddish  face  and  white 
whiskers.  He  carries  a  letter  on  a  tray. 
As  he  enters  ADDISWORTH  sits,  putting 
his  legs  on  his  desk  R.  JENKINS  offers 
letter  to  VANDEAN. 

Any  answer?  [Takes  it. 

JENKINS.     No,  sir. 

VANDEAN.  (tearing  it  open  and  reading).  Pil- 
ker ton !  (  ADDI  s WORTH  laughs ) . 

[VANDEAN  drops  letter  in  disgust.  Busied 
with  papers  again. 

JENKINS.    And  there's  a  lady  to  see  you. 

ADDISWORTH.    What  that? 

JENKINS.  To  see  Mr.  Vandean.  Most  of  the 
ladies  is  to  see  you,  as  I'm  aware,  my  lord — 

ADDISWORTH.  Look  here,  Jenkins,  we  want  no 
general  comments  from  you. 

JENKINS.  I  know  my  place,  my  lord,  after  fifty 
years.  And  this  lady  is  to  see  Mr.  Vandean. 

VANDEAN  (looking  up).  Lady — lady?  What's 
her  name? 

JENKINS.    The  lady  gave  no  name,  sir. 

VANDEAN.    Look  respectable? 

JENKINS.  Well,  sir,  I  should  rather  say  fash'n- 
able. 

VANDEAN.  All  right,  show  her  up.  Give  me  a 
minute  first  though,  Jenkins. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  13 

JENKINS.    Very  good,  sir. 

[He  goes  up  heavily  and  out  C. 

[VANDEAN  rises,  goes  to  mirror  on  wall  "by 
window  R.  C.  and  titivates  his  hair  and 
tie,  humming  the  while.  Then  he  turns 
round, — looks  at  ADDISWORTH,  and  comes 
slowly  down  C. 

VANDEAN.  Did  you  hear  what  Jenkins  said? 
(Comes  to  C.) 

ADDISWORTH.     Yes,  old  chap. 

VANDEAN.  Does  it  suggest  no  course  of  action 
on  your  part? 

ADDISWORTH.  All  right.  I'm  only  waiting  to 
see  who  she  is. 

VANDEAN.  Presumably  that's  just  what  she 
doesn't  want  you  to  know. 

ADDISWORTH  (moving  his  legs  off  the  table 
slowly).  Of  course,  if  you  make  assignations  at 
your  official — 

VANDEAN.  Exalted  birth,  Addisworth,  excuses 
stupidity  without  necessitating  impertinence. 

ADDISWORTH.  Take  care,  Van !  You'll  be  mak- 
ing an  epigram  one  of  these  days  and  getting 
yourself  taken  for  a  society  novelist.  (VANDEAN 
threatens  a  rush  at  him).  All  right,  I'm  off. 
(He  rises  and  darts  to  door  L.,  opens  it,  calls 
hack) — Give  her  a  kiss  from  me!  (Exit  leaving 
door  ajar) 

[VANDEAN  walks  up,  looks  at  door,  smiles, 
closes  it,  sees  it  is  really  shut  and  goes 
up  to  mirror  again.  As  he  is  looking  at 
himself  JENKINS  opens  door  C.,  and  al- 
lows LADY  HETTY  to  pass  in,  closing  door 
behind  her.  VANDEAN  turns  round  on 
noise  of  closing  door. 


14:  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

HETTY  (pointing  to  mirror).  Changed  in  noth- 
ing after  all  these  years ! 

VANDEAN.  Why — why — it's  Lady  Hetty!  And 
— I  was  just  looking  to  see  how  much  changed, 
you  know — 

HETTY.     Still  so  vain ! 

VANDEAN.  No,  no !  more  diffident !  ( Taking  Tier 
hand  and  shaking  it  cordially).  Delighted  to  see 
you  again ! 

HETTY.    After  years  and  years ! 

[They  come  down  together. 

VANDEAN.  It  seems  ages,  but — (looking  at  her) 
it  doesn't  look  it. 

[He  offers  her  chair  L.  C.    She  sits. 

HETTY.  I  haven't  seen  you  since  my  husband 
died — three  years.  ^ 

VANDEAN  (sitting  R.  C.).  Poor  old  Wrey! 
What  an  awful  time  he  had  of  it !  (She  raises  her 
brows)  I  mean  in  his  illness,  of  course. 

HETTY.  I  nursed  him  myself  right  to  the  very 
end. 

VANDEAN.  If  you  want  a  thing  well  done — 
(a  movement  from  HETTY) — Eh? 

HETTY.  Really,  you're  rather  ambiguous,  Mr. 
Vandean. 

VANDEAN.  I'm  so  awfully  glad  to  see  you,  Lady 
Hetty. 

HETTY.  It  is  pleasant  to  meet  again,  Lucius. 
So  you're  still  with  Mr.  Mangan  ? 

VANDEAN.  Oh  yes,  till  I  get  a  better  job,  you 
know. 

HETTY.  We  did  have  jolly  times  once,  didn't 
we? 

VANDEAN.    By  Jove,  we  did!     (Both  laugh). 

HETTY.     Before  I  was  married,  I  mean. 

VANDEAN.  Oh,  so  do  I,  certainly.  Do  you  re- 
member that  picnic,  Hetty  ? 

HETTY.     I  think  I  do — Lucy. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  15 

VANDEAN.  Ha,  ha!  Lucy!  Yes,  you  used  to 
call  me  Lucy.  Look  here,  if  you  call  me  Lucy,  I 
shall  call  you  Hetty. 

HETTY.     Well,   you   did. 

VANDEAN.    I  did?    When? 

HETTY.    Just  now — before  I  called  you  Lucy. 

VANDEAN.  Gad,  did  I?  What  creatures  of 
habit  we  are! 

HETTY  (rises).  Yps,  you're  the  creatures — and 
we're  the  habits. 

VANDEAN.  You're  a  habit  that  wears  most  un- 
commonly well. 

HETTY,  (moves  L.  a  little,  pointing  to  his  desk). 
You  look  too  busy  for  compliments.  What  are  all 
those  bundles? 

VANDEAN.  Oh,  official — correspondence — horri- 
bly dull. 

HETTY.     What  about? 

VANDEAN.  Well,  just  now  they're  mostly  about 
honours. 

HETTY  (thoughtfully).    Oh! 

VANDEAN.  People  wanting  something  or  other, 
confound  'em! 

HETTY.  Don't  be  scornful.  Don't  you  want 
anything  ?  ( Coming  "back ) . 

VANDEAN.  Oh  yes,  I  want  a  larger  income. 
That's  solid.  They  want — 

HETTY.     I'm  horribly  poor  too.     (sits). 

VANDEAN.     Bore  to  be  poor! 

HETTY.     And  in  debt!    Horrid! 

[A  pause — they  sit  in  gloom.] 

HETTY.  Lucius,  I — I've  something  to  say  to 
you. 

VANDEAN.  We  are  alone  (pulling  his  chair  a 
little  closer  to  hers).  Fire  away. 

HETTY.    It's  nothing — at  least,  it's  not  import- 


16  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

ant — well,  it  is  rather  important.  In  fact,  I'm 
most  tremendously  interested  in  it. 

VANDEAN.  I  understand  your  feelings  about  it 
perfectly.  It's  a  private  matter,  of  course?  I 
mean  not  official?  Because,  you  know,  I 
couldn't — 

HETTY.  Oh,  quite  private— only  just  a  little  bit 
official  too. 

VANDEAN.  I  mustn't — I  really  mustn't  discuss 
official  matters  with  you.  (Rising). 

HETTY.  Of  course  not,  Lucius,  I  should  never 
suggest  it.  Do  you  happen  to  know  anything  of  a 
Mr.  Pilkerton? 

VANDEAN.  You  too!  A  Mr.  Pilkerton!  Do  I 
happen  to  know  anything!  (reaching  the  PILKER- 
TON bundle  from  desk  L.,  and  holding  it  up). 
That's  Pilkerton— all  Pilkerton! 

HETTY.     I  daresay.    He's  got  lots  of  friends. 

VANDEAN.  I  should  say  he  had  (pitches  bundle 
"back  on  desk).  A  bishop  and  two  deans,  17  peers, 
25  members,  the  Lord  Mayor — 

HETTY.  He's  Mr.  Pilkerton's  stockbroker, 
Lucius. 

VANDEAN.    The  president  of  the  Royal — 

HETTY.  Mr.  Pilkerton  is  forming  a  gallery  of 
British  art. 

VANDEAN.  But  if  I  have  my  way  Pilkerton 
shall  not — 

HETTY.     He's  quite  a  friend  of  mine. 

VANDEAN.  Heavens!  You  don't  mean  to  say 
you've  come  here  to  back  up  Pilkerton? 

HETTY.  I'm  staying  with  them  now-  I'm  great 
friends  with  Ida  Pilkerton. 

VANDEAN  (sitting  "by  her  again).  You're  look- 
ing so  guileless!  What's  the  game,  Lady  Hetty? 

HETTY.  There's  no  game — indeed  there  isn't. 
Only  I'm  great  friends  with  all  the  Pilkertons. 

VANDEAN.    With  Mrs.  Pilkerton? 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  17 

HETTY.     Mrs.  Pilkerton  is  dead. 

VANDEAN.  Heavens!  You're  not  going  to 
marry  Pilkerton?  (Rises). 

HETTY.  Lucius,  he's  sixty !  Old  Mr.  Pilkerton 
is  sixty. 

VANDEAN.    Old  Mr.  Pilkerton?   Then  there's— ? 

HETTY.  Jack,  the  son,  is  a  charming  fellow. — 
(Hastily)  So  I  thought  I'd  just  come  and  have  a 
friendly  little  chat  with  you. 

VANDEAN.  Lady  Hetty,  you  don't  seem  to  recog- 
nise that  the  government  of  this  country  is  con- 
ducted on  the  principles  of  purity — 

HETTY.  Well,  you  see,  papa  was  a  Cabinet 
Minister  once. 

VANDEAN.  Tempered  by  the  traditions  of  the 
Constitution.  Now — as  I  have  had  occasion  to 
remark  before  to-day — Pilkerton  is  not  within 
those  traditions:  consequently  to  Pilkerton  the 
principles  of  purity  apply  in  all  their  native — 

HETTY.  I  thought  you  might  like  to  do  some- 
thing for  an  old  friend,  that's  all. 

VANDEAN.  I  deeply  regret  that  my  duty  abso- 
lutely forbids.  (Pause). 

HETTY.  I  wish  you  knew  Ida  Pilkerton. 
They've  got  a  little  party  this  week  end.  They'd 
be  awfully  pleased  to  see  you.  Do  come.  Of 
course  this  subject  won't  be  so  much  as  men- 
tioned; (VANDEAN  laughs)  but — but  you  really 
ought  to  know  them. 

VANDEAN.  Once  for  all,  I'll  have  nothing  to  do 
with  any  of  the  Pilkertons ! 

HETTY  (rising  in  a  huff).  Oh!  very  well.  But 
if  you  call  that  friendship — (Going  L.). 

VANDEAN.     It  is  with  deep  pain  that  I — 

HETTY.     I  don't  believe  you  care  one  single  bit ! 
[flhe  turns  away  as  door  L.  opens  very  sud- 
denly and  ADDISWORTH  darts  his  head  in 
as  if  to  catch  them  unawares. 
2 


18  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

ADDISWORTH  (seeing  that  visitor  is  HETTY,  much 
disappointed).     Why,  it's  only  Lady  Hetty! 

[Comes  on  L. 

VANDBAN  (going  to  his  desk).    Sold  again,  my 
young  friend ! 

HETTY.    Only  Lady  Hetty!    You  rude  boy! 

ADDISWORTH.    I  thought  I  might  catch  him  flirt- 
ing. 

HETTY.     Oh,  he  wasn't  doing  that.     He's  been 
simply  horrid. 

ADDISWORTH.    Never  mind  old  Van.    Come  and 
see  my  room,  Lady  Hetty,  it's  rather  jolly. 

HETTY.     Ought  I? 

VANDEAN.     Oh   yes,   see  his   room;   he's   very 
proud  of  it,  and  really  I — I'm  very  busy. 

[Sits  at  desk  and  takes  up  papers. 

HETTY.    /  don't  want  to  hinder  you. 

ADDISWORTH.     Come  along. 

HETTY.    I'm  coming,  Lord  Addisworth. 

ADDISWORTH.    This  way! 

[He  goes  out  L.  eagerly. 

HETTY   (stopping  on  her  way).    Mr.  Vandean 
(smiling),  if — if  anybody — 

VANDEAN  (absently).    What,  Lady  Hetty? 

HETTY  (laughing).    No.    On  second  thoughts  it 
doesn't  matter.  [Goes  out  L. 

VANDEAN.    'Pon  my  soul,  these  women  think  a 
man's  got  no  conscience! 

[Sets  to  work  with  papers. 

[Enter  JENKINS  at  back  and  stands  at  door.] 

JENKINS.    A  lady  to  see  the  other  lady,  sir. 

[His  face  expresses  strong  disapproval. 
VANDEAN.    Oh,  confound  it,  how  can  I  get  on? 
well,  show  her  up. 

[JENKINS  stands  aside  and  allows  IDA  PILKER- 
TON  to    come    in.    Then    exits,    closing 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  19 

door.  VANDEAN  does  not  perceive  that 
she  has  entered  and  goes  on  working. 
She  stands  a  moment,  then  comes  timidly 
down  to  C. 

IDA  (embarrassed) .    I — I  am  up. 

VANDEAN.  Eh?  (looking  up)  I  beg  pardon. 
(Jumping  up)  I  didn't  see  you.  To  what  am  I 
indebted  for—? 

IDA.    Hetty  said  I  should  find  her  here. 

VANDEAN.  Oh  yes,  she  is  here.  At  least,  she's 
in  the  next  room  with  Addisworth. 

IDA.  Didn't  she  tell  you  I  was  going  to  call  for 
her? 

VANDEAN.  No,  I  don't  think  she  mentioned  it. 
But  I'm  exceedingly  glad.  [He  has  examined 
her,  and  his  manner  is  empresse,  and  indicates 
admiration.] 

IDA.  How  odd  you  must  have  thought  it! 
(Pause,  looks  round).  Would  you  mind  telling 
her  I'm  here?  (Comes  down  a  little). 

VANDEAN.  In  a  moment — there's  really  no 
hurry.  Pray  sit  down.  (She  sits  L.  C.)  Addis- 
worth  is  showing  her  his  room — he's  very  proud 
of  it.  It  would  be  a  shame  to  interrupt  them. 

IDA.    But  I'm  afraid  you're  so  busy. 

VANDEAN.  Not  a  thing  to  do — not  a  thing  to 
do,  I  assure  you.  (Sitting  down  beside  her). 
Miss—? 

IDA  (laughing).  Why  you  don't  even  know 
your  invader's  name!  I'm  Ida  Pilkerton. 

VANDEAN  (starting  back).  Pilkerton!  You 
Miss  Pilkerton? 

IDA.    Well,  I  must  be  Miss  Somebody. 

VANDEAN.  Yes,  temporarily  anyhow.  (!DA 
laughs).  But  I  should  never  have  guessed  it. 

IDA.  I  daresay  you  know  the  name?  Papa's 
so  famous. 


20  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

VANDEAN.  Yes,  I  have  (glances  towards  desk} 
heard  it.  Tell  me  about  Mr.  Pilkerton.  Let's 
have  a  talk  about  him. 

IDA.  You  must  know  about  papa?  He's  "  Save 
your-Penny  Pilkerton." 

VANDEAN.  Save-your-penny !  Yes — wait — 
surely  I  remember! 

IDA.  Papa  advertised  that  he  sold  everything  a 
penny  a  pound  cheaper  than  anybody  else  could. 
So  he  called  himself  "  Save-your-Penny  Pilker- 
ton "  on  all  the  posters. 

VANDEAN.  Of  course!  Wonderful  commercial 
enterprise.  How  could  he  do  it? 

IDA.  Well,  when  he  couldn't  take  it  off  the 
price  he  took  it  off  the  pound,  I  expect. 

VANDEAN.     Beautifully  simple! 

IDA.  Yes,  but  nobody  has  ever  thought  of  mak- 
ing a  speciality  of  it  before. 

VANDEAN.    So  now  he's  very  rich? 

IDA.    Oh  yes,  awfully. 

VANDEAN.  Then  he's  a  very  lucky  man  (looking 
admiringly  at  her)  all  round. 

IDA.  All  round?  (glancing  at  him,  shy  but 
pleased).  That — that's  very  nice  of  you.  But 
you  mightn't  think  so  if  you  knew  me  better. 
(Rises,  crosses  to  L.,  and  looks  at  desk — VANDEAN 
rises).  You  said  you  weren't  busy — and  look  at 
this!  (She  goes  to  chair,  looks  at  him,  and,  with 
a  defiant  smile,  sits  down  in  his  chair).  What 
are  they  all  about? 

VANDEAN  (coming  L.  and  leaning  his  arm  on  the 
raised  lack  of  the  desk).  Official  letters,  I  get 
them  in  order  for  the  Chief. 

IDA.     And  tell  him  all  about  them? 

VANDEAN.    Yes. 

IDA.    And  tell  him  what  to  do? 

VANDEAN.  Yes — oh — er — no — of  course  not. 
(Carelessly).  Sometimes  I  make  a  suggestion. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  21 

IDA.  What  a  lot  of  power  you  must  have,  Mr. 
Vandean !  ' 

VANDEAN  (pleased).  No,  no,  I  assure  you.  Per- 
haps just  a  little — a  little  influence. 

IDA.  I'm  sure  he  does  nothing  without  consult- 
ing you.  Don't  you  really  govern  the  country? 
(Leans  back  in  chair) . 

VANDEAN.  Oh,  come  now,  you're  chaffing  me, 
Miss  Pilkerton. 

IDA.  Well,  I  know  papa  says  he  hears  you  do. 
Papa  has  a  great  admiration  for  you.  He  wants 
to  know  you  awfully. 

VANDEAN  (slowly  and  suspiciously).  Oh,  does 
he? 

IDA.  Did  Hetty  give  you  our  message?  I  hope 
you  don't  think  it  impertinent?  She  said  she 
knew  you  so  well  that  you  wouldn't  mind.  And 
since  she's  going  to  be  there,  and  Lord  Addisworth 
too — 

VANDEAN.  It's  most  kind  of  you  and  of  Mr. 
Pilkerton. 

IDA.    And  you'll  come,  won't  you? 

VANDEAN.  Look  at  that  desk.  Official  work 
keeps  me  a  close  prisoner. 

IDA.     On  Sunday,  even? 

VANDEAN.  In  the  service  of  the  State  we  sacri- 
fice even  Sunday. 

IDA.  I'm  sure  you  could  come  if  you  liked. 
Though  there  are  a  lot  of  bothers  here,  aren't 
there?  May  I  touch? 

[VANDEAN  is  watching  her  closely.  She  takes 
up  the  PILKERTON  bundle  and  sees  the 
name.] 

Why — why   here's   our   name!     Pilkerton — 
written  on  the  back  of  this.    How  funny ! 
VANDEAN.     Are  you  surprised. 
IDA.    Yes,  it's  so  funny  that  just  the  day  I  come 


22  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

and  pry  about  your  desk  my  own  name  should 
happen  to  be  lying  uppermost.  (She  looks  up  and 
sees  Mm  regarding  her  closely).  Why  do  you 
look  at  mje  like  that?  Oughtn't  I  to  have  touched 
the  papers?  [A  slight  pause. 

VANDEAN  (going  to  her  and  facing  her).  Fm 
going  to  ask  you  rather  an  odd  question. 

IDA  (nervous  and  resentful).  You — you  look 
as  if  you  were. 

VANDEAN.  You  appeared  surprised  just  now. 
Were  you  really  surprised  to  find  your  name — 
your  father's  name — among  my  papers? 

IDA.  Why  should  I  seem  surprised  if  I  wasn't 
surprised?  You're  looking  at  me  so  strangely. 
Why  is  papa's  name  there?  (Leaning  'back). 

VANDEAN.     I  think  I'd  better  not  answer  that. 

IDA.  No,  I  oughtn't  to  have  asked.  (Rising). 
But  you're  looking  as  if  you  suspected  me  of  some- 
thing— as  if  you  thought  I  wanted  to  get  some- 
thing out  of  you.  Do  you  think  that? 

VANDEAN.     No,  really  I  don't — 

IDA.  I  believe  you  do,  and  it's  rather  hard. 
Because  what  could  I  want  from  you?  Do  you 
suspect  me?  (Goes  down  L.  Laughing  in  an  agi- 
tated way).  Oh,  I  daresay  I  deserve  to  be  sus- 
pected sometimes,  but  when  there's  nothing  to  be 
suspected  of — 

VANDEAN.     I  hope  I  haven't  hurt  your  feelings  ? 

IDA.  Yes,  you  have.  I  don't  understand  it,  and 
I'm  not  used  to  being  treated  like  that.  (Pause). 
Please  call  Lady  Hetty.  I  only  came  to  meet  her, 
and — and  because  I  thought  it  would  be  fun  to  see 
your  room.  But  it's  not  fun  any  more.  Call  her, 
please. 

VANDEAN.  Indeed  I  apologise  most  humbly. 
We  get  suspicious  here ;  everybody  that  comes  has 
an  axe  to  grind — 

IDA.    But  what  in  the  world  could  I — ? 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  23 

/ 

VANDEAN.    I  know.    It  was  very  stupid  of  me. 

IDA.  Yes,  I  think  it  was — very  stupid.  (Turns 
away). 

VANDEAN  (advancing  a  step  towards  her). 
Won't  you  forgive  me? 

IDA.    No,  I  won't  forgive  you. 

VANDEAN.  That's  rather  hard,  Miss  Pilkerton. 
I'm  so  anxious  to  atone. 

IDA.    I  don't  believe  you  want  to  atone. 

VANDEAN.     Oh  come,  just  try  me. 

IDA.  I  won't  forgive  you  unless  you  come  down 
and  stay  with  us  to-night. 

VANDEAN.  To-night?  Oh,  but  look  at — 
(Points  to  desk). 

IDA.    And  stop  till  Monday.  (Turns  to  him  C.). 

VANDEAN.    Oh,  I  say! 

IDA.     Such  hard  terms,  Mr.  Vandean  ? 

VANDEAN.     Such  hard  terms  to  resist. 

IDA.     Think  how  you've  sinned! 

VANDEAN.     But  it's  so  immoral  to  reward  me. 

IDA.  That's  rather  (both  laugh)  neat — if  only 
you  wanted  to  come. 

VANDEAN.  But  I  think  that — somehow — I  do 
want  to  come.  So  now  you'll  forgive  me? 

IDA.  I  forgive  you  thoroughly.  Will  you  (she 
holds  out  her  hand)  come? 

VANDEAN  (taking  her  hand).  I'll  do  my  pen- 
ance— I  will  come.  And  we're  friends  again? 

IDA.     Perhaps — when  you  come. 

VANDEAN.    Not  till  then? 

[He  is  holding  her  hand  and  looking  at  her 
— she  turns  her  eyes  away — the  sound  of 
laughter  is  heard  off  L.  Then  HETTY 
comes  in,  followed  by  ADDISWORTH.] 

HETTY.    Ah,  here  she  is !    I  left  a  little  surprise 
for  you,  didn't  I,  Lucius?   (Coming  C.) 
VANDEAN.    The  pleasure  was  the  greater. 


24:  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

wouldn't  you  like  to  see  my  room?  (Shakes 
hands).  Lady  Hetty  thinks  it's  ripping. 

HETTY.  Yes,  do  go,  Ida  dear.  Have  you  two 
made  friends? 

IDA.    Oh  yes. 

VANDEAN.       Oh  yes! 

( Pause J 

HETTY.    You  look  rather  bored  and  serious. 
VANDEAN.     A  privilege  of  friendship. 
HETTY.    And  a  proof? 

ADDISWORTH.  Come  along,  Miss  Ida.  (Up  to 
door  L.) 

HETTY.    He'll  never  rest  till  you  go,  my  dear. 
IDA.     Fm  going. 

[ADDISWORTH  holds  door  L.,  for    her;    she 
crosses  L.  and  goes  out,  he  follows  her.] 

VANDEAN  (R.  C.)  And  I  suppose,  my  dear  diplo- 
matist, that  you've  something  private  to  say  to 
me? 

HETTY  (L.C.)  Yes.  You  let  out  nothing,  did 
you? 

VANDEAN.     Let  out  nothing? 

HETTY.  Yes,  I  ought  to  have  warned  you.  Ida 
knows  nothing  about — that. 

[She  points  across  to  desk. 

VANDEAN  (eagerly)     She  doesn't? 

HETTY.  Not  a  word.  If  her  father's  peerage 
comes,  it's  to  come  as  a  complete  surprise  to  her. 

VANDEAN.  And  is  how  it  comes  to  be  a  sur- 
prise too? 

HETTY.  No,  that's  to  be  a  secret.  (Smiling). 
Dear  Ida  is  a  little  visionary  and — and  unpracti- 
cal. 

VANDEAN.    I  see. 

HETTY.  She  mightn't  understand  that  some- 
times it's  necessary  to— to — oh,  well,  yon  under- 
stand ! 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  25 

VANDEAN.     Oh,  certainly,  I  understand. 

HETTY.     In   fact,   Ida's  rather  peculiar — 

VANDEAN.     In  her  own  family,  anyhow! 

HETTY.  So  we  just  keep  it  dark.  Sure  you 
didn't  give  it  away? 

VANDEAN.     Not  a  hint  of  it. 

HETTY.  And  isn't  she  charming?  Aren't  you 
sorry  you're  not  coming  to  Packnam  to-night? 

VANDEAN.  But  I  am  going  to  Packnam  to- 
night. 

HETTY     (mockingly}.     Oh,  Lucy,  Lucy,  Lucy! 

VANDEAN.  Oh,  Hetty,  Hetty,  Hetty!  Be  off 
with  you — you  and  your  wicked  ways!  I  never 
know  whether  the  nice  women  are  nicer  than  the 
not  nice  women,  or  the  not  nice  women  nicer  than 
the  nice! 

HETTY.  And  in  which  class  do  you  put  me, 
please,  sir? 

VANDEAN.  In  the  suspended  state  of  judgment 
which  I  have  indicated — it  doesn't  matter. 

[Enter  MANGAN  at  back.    He  coughs.] 

Hullo,  the  Chief!     (Goes  R.). 

MANGAN  (coming  down  to  C.).  Why — why — 
who's  this? 

VANDEAN.  Very  irregular,  I'm  afraid,  sir,  in 
working  hours.  But  you  know  Lady  Hetty  Wrey? 

MANGAN  (going  to  her) .  To  be  sure!  Come  to 
see  Lucius?  Come  and  give  me  a  kiss,  my  dear. 

HETTY.  I  declare  I  think  I  will !  You're  look- 
ing so  handsome  to-day.  Aren't  you  ever  going  to 
grow  old,  Mr.  Mangan? 

MANGAN.  Not  while  I  get  this  by  keeping 
young,  Hetty.  [He  kisses  her. 

[IDA  enters,  followed  ly  ADDISWORTH.] 

Why,  quite  a  party ! 
HETTY     (hanging  on  MANGAN'S  arm).    This  is 


26  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

my  very,  very  great  particular  friend  Ida  Pilker- 
ton.  I  brought  her  here.  Scold  me  if  you 
like. 

MANGAN.  I'm  delighted  to  make  Miss  Pilker- 
ton's  acquaintance. 

HETTY.     This  is  Mr.  Mangan,  Ida. 

IDA.     I'm — I'm  very  proud — 

MANGAN.  Surely,  Addisworth,  I've  heard  Miss 
Pilkerton's  name  before  to-day. 

ADDISWORTH  (extreme  left — above  IDA — 
promptly).  No,  sir. 

MANGAN.  Didn't  you  mention  it  to  me,  or  some 
name  like  it? 

ADDISWORTH.     No,  sir. 

MANGAN.    Perhaps  it  was  you,  Lucius? 

VANDEAN.     No,  sir. 

MANGAN.    Well,  it  seems  very  familiar. 

HETTY,  Why,  of  course  it  is !  Ida's  father  is 
(she  looks  at  IDA  laughing) — "  Save-your-Penny 
Pilkerton." 

MANGAN.  Yes,  yes,  yes,  to  be  sure!  Your 
father's  a  remarkable  man,  Miss  Pilkerton. 

IDA     (eagerly).    Yes,  isn't  he,  Mr.  Mangan? 

HETTY.  Now  we'll  be  off  and  leave  you  to  your 
horrid  work. 

[Releasing  his  arm  and  offering  her  hand] 

MANGAN.  Good-bye,  my  dear.  My  best  love  to 
my  old  friend  Lady  Thetford. 

HETTY.     Lady  Thetford? 

MANGAN.    Your  mother. 

HETTY     ( gently ) .    Retf ord. 

MANGAN.  Of  course!  How  stupid!  To  my 
dear  old  friend  Emma  Retford. 

HETTY.     Emily,  dear  Mr.  Mangan. 

MANGAN.  To  my  dear  old  friend  Emily  Eetf ord. 

[They  shake  hands. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  27 

[HETTY  goes  up  to  door  *back,  ADDISWORTH 
going  up  to  open  it.  VANDEAN  is  down  R. 
IDA  goes  to  MANGAN  and  shakes  hands.] 

Good-bye,  good-bye. 

IDA.    Good-bye,  Mr.  Mangan.    Mr.  Vandean,  au 
revoir. 
VANDEAN.    Au  revoir,  Miss  Pilkerton. 

[HETTY  and  IDA  go  off  back.  ADDISWORTH 
goes  with  them.] 

MANGAN.    Nice  girls,  Lucius.    I  like  nice  girls. 

VANDEAN.     Widely  diffused  sort  of  taste,  sir. 

MANGAN.  The  Archbishop  wants  Smedley  for 
Birmingham.  Just  look  up  all  about  him — and 
about  his  wife,  you  know. 

VANDEAN.    Very  well,  sir. 

[ADDISWORTH  re-enters.  MANGAN  crosses  to- 
wards door  R.,  which  VANDEAN  opens  for 
him.] 

MANGAN.  And  send  me  in  the  Patagonian  pa- 
pers. 

VANDEAN.  Won't  you  have  a  turn  at  the  Hon- 
ours, sir? 

MANGAN.  They'll  do  next  week.  Have  them 
ready  for  me  on  Monday.  And  let  me  have  any 
remarks  that  occur  to  you  about  them,  Lucius. 

VANDEAN.    I  will,  sir. 

MANGAN.    Nice  girls ! 

[MANGAN  passes  off  R.  and  VANDEAN  closes 
door  after  him.  Then  VANDEAN  sits  down 
at  his  desk  with  a  sigh  and  takes  up  the 
Pilkerton  bundle.  ADDISWORTH  sits  at 
his  desk.  A  moment's  pause.] 

ADDISWORTH.  Honours  on  Monday !  That's  the 
day  I  come  back  from  Packnam. 


28  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

VANDEAN  (absently).  Yes,  the  day  we  come 
back  from  Packnam. 

ADDISWORTH.     We?     Hullo! 

VANDEAN.  Am  I,  or  am  I  not,  to  get  on  with  the 
Honours,  Addisworth? 

[ADDISWORTH  looks  at  him  smiling.    VANDEAN 
sorts  papers  with  great  diligence  as  the 

CURTAIN  FALLS. 


ACT  II. 

SCENE  :  A  sitting  room  at  Packnam,  Pilkerton's 
country  house.  Room  is  prettily  furnished, 
but  solid  style  rather  than  especially  artistic. 
Doors  R.  and  L.U.E.  At  back  full-length 
window  leading  into  garden  and  showing  a 
path,  grass  and  trees  beyond.  Down  R.  a  fire- 
place with  high  fender  round  it,  which  forms 
a  seat;  above  fire  an  armchair.  L.C.  a  settee 
diagonally  across  stage,  below  it,  to  L.  a  stool. 
On  L.  against  wall  a  card  table.  It  is  Sun- 
day afternoon  about  5.  Quite  light  (early 
autumn). 

[JACK  PILKERTON  sits  in  armchair  above  fire 
R.,  the  "  Sporting  Times "  on  his  knees. 
BASCOM  sits  on  fender,  smoking  a  cigar- 
ette. JACK  in  light  tweed  and  brown 
gaiters,  BASCOM  in  suit  of  dark  material. 
Both  have  cloth  caps  with  them,  or  some- 
where within  reach.  JACK  has  a  simple, 
rather  blunt  manner.  BASCOM  is  precise 
and  melancholy. 

JACK.     I'll  mention  it  to  the  old  man,  I  can't  do 
more. 

BASCOM.     Thanks,  Jack.     I  think  that  if  my 
claim  was  properly  put  before  your  father — 

JACK.     It  wants  a  bit  of  putting,  in  my  opinion, 
Bascom. 

29 


30  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

BASCOM.  My  father  was  your  father's  partner, 
that's  it 

JACK.  He  died  before  the  business  became 
worth  anything. 

BASCOM.  The  claim  is  a  sentimental  one,  no 
doubt. 

JACK.  That's  no  claim  at  all  in  the  old  man's 
eyes. 

BASCOM.  Well  then,  I'm  well  known  in  the 
neighborhood  of  Wrensford.  Being  Member  for 
the  division  gives  me  influence  and  position  there. 
I  should  be  of  use  to  you,  and — 

JACK.     And  it's  £1,200  a  year! 

BASCOM.  I  want  the  money.  Politics  cost  such 
a  beastly  lot.  Besides,  I  want  to  marry  Mamie 
Henson.  (JACK  laughs).  Such  a  girl!  Anyhow, 
try  and  get  Mr.  Pilkerton  to  do  this  job  for  me. 

JACK.  There  are  no  jobs  done  in  our  business. 
We're  not  the  Government,  Bascom. 

BASCOM.  You'll  have  a  shot  at  it  for  me?  I 
don't  want  to  give  up  the  House. 

JACK.  I'll  tell  him;  but  as  for  influence,  I've 
no  more  than  I  had  when  I  was  ten  years  old. 
Well,  you  know  the  old  man  yourself. 

BASCOM.     Prickly,  eh? 

JACK  (laughing).  Well,  except  in  the  family, 
and  even  there  hardly — 

BASCOM.     Malleable,  eh? 

JACK.  By  Jingo,  no!  (Enter  HETTY  from  gar- 
den. JACK  looks  round).  Hullo,  Lady  Hetty! 

HETTY.  Hullo,  Mr.  Jack!  (She  comes  down 
C.  BASCOM  rises,  JACK  slews  his  chair  round  a 
little  towards  her.).  What  are  you  two  confab- 
bing about? 

BASCOM.    A  bit  of  business  of  mine. 

HETTY.  And  not  of  mine?  (JACK,  watches  her 
as  she  talks).  Thank  you,  Mr.  Bascom.  (Going 
R.C.). 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  31 

BASCOM.  I  can  only  wish  my  business  was 
yours,  Lady  Hetty. 

HETTY.  A  proposal?  In  public!  (Laugh  from 
HETTY  and  JACK). 

BASCOM.    A  wail  of  despair! 

HETTY.  Oh,  you  humbug!  Shall  I  tell  Mamie 
Henson?  (JACK  laughs). 

BASCOM  (going  up  towards  back).  I  promised 
to  play  a  round  with  Addisworth. 

HETTY.  Golfs  a  horrid  game.  I  played  with 
Mr.  Pilkerton  this  morning,  and  he  made  me  keep 
the  rules. 

JACK.  Yes,  the  old  man  would  do  that.  (BAS- 
COM laughs  bitterly,  puts  on  his  cap  and  strolls 
out).  Old  Bascom's  more  funereal  than  ever. 

HETTY.     Well,  he's  gone,  anyhow. 

JACK.    Have  you  come  to  take  me  for  a  walk? 

HETTY.  Presently,  perhaps — but — (she  comes 
and  sits  on  the  arm  of  his  chair).  Jack,  do  you 
really  and  truly  love  me? 

JACK.    Like  a  house  on  fire,  Hetty. 

HETTY.  And  you're  prepared  to  face  every  ob- 
stacle for  me. 

JACK.     Yes.  Oh,  barring  the  old  man,  of  course. 

HETTY.  Barring  the  old  man,  yes!  You're 
afraid  of  him,  though? 

JACK.  Well,  it's  not  exactly  being  afraid.  I'm 
not  afraid  of  the  law  of  gravitation,  but  my  move- 
ments obey  its  rules.  I  rise  or  fall  according. 
But  cheer  up ;  he  likes  you,  and  if  you  work  hard 
for  him — 

HETTY.    And  for  you,  dear  Jack — 

JACK.  Yes,  tell  me  that,  I  like  it;  but  it  won't 
appeal  to  the  old  man. 

HETTY.  But  he's  very  fond  of  you,  and  he 
adores  Ida.  (Rises  and  goes  O.) 

JACK.  Still,  the  old  man  has  his  adorations 
under  strict  control. 


32  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

HETTY.    And  have  you  yours? 

HETTY.  You  know,  (going  to  JACK  again)  I'm 
not  quite  happy  about  Ida.  Harry  Addisworth 
says  the  Honours  are  to  be  settled  to-morrow ;  he 
told  me  in  the  very  strictest  confidence — and  I've 
mentioned  it  to  not  a  soul — except  Mr.  Pilkerton 
and  you. 

JACK.  Wonderful!  But  what  have  the  Hon- 
ours to  do  with  Ida? 

HETTY.  Well,  Mr.  Vandean  says  nothing;  and 
I  think  Ida — rather  likes  him. 

JACK.     And  he  her? 

HETTY.     Yes,  he  likes  her  too. 

JACK.  And  do  you  fancy  either  of  those  two 
facts  would  surprise  the  old  man  very  much? 

HETTY.  Surprise  him !  I  should  as  soon  think 
of  surprising  a  driving-wheel — Oh! 

[She  darts  up  and  away  from  JACK  and  seats 
herself  demurely  on  the  settee  as  two 
FOOTMEN  enter  from  R.,  one  carrying 
•folding  table  which  he  opens  and  places 
just  "behind  settee  at  upper  end  of  it, 
while  the  other  carries  tea  things,  which 
they  place  on  table  and  arrange. 

Tea  already !  We  must  have  our  walk  after- 
wards. 

JACK     (discontentedly).    All  of  us? 

HETTY  (watching  FOOTMEN).  On  Sunday,  yes. 
(FOOTMEN  go  out).  But  not  all  in  the  same  direc- 
tion, you  dear  old  stupid. 

ADDISWORTH  (off).    Tea,  tea,  tea! 

[ADDISWORTH  comes  in  from  garden,  goes  to 
table,  takes  cake,  bites  it  and  comes  down 
R.  eating  it.  He  takes  stand  on  hearth- 
rug and  eats.  Then  enter  PILKERTON  L. 
with  IDA  clinging  to  his  arm.  He  is 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  33 

spare,  clean  shaven,  scanty  iron-grey  hair, 
rather  sallow  face.    A  young  sixty. 

IDA.  There,  I've  brought  him.  He  was  work- 
ing— working — !  (Back  of  tea  table  R.C.). 

[She  kisses  him,  releases  his  arm  as  they  reach 
tea-table  and  begins  to  make  tea.  PIL- 
KERTON  comes  and  sits  on  settee  beside 
HETTY,  below  her.  He  leans  back,  seem- 
ing tired  and  rather  inclined  to  listen 
than  talk. 

'ADDISWORTH.  A  man  who  can  work  after  Sun- 
day lunch — ouf ! 

[Finishes  cake  in  a  big  mouthful. 

IDA.     Father's  difficulty  is  not  to  work. 

HETTY.    It's  what  fathers  are  made  for. 

JACK.     And  sons  are  made  to. 

ADDISWORTH.     Hear,  hear,  hear,  hear! 

HETTY  (to  ADDISWORTH).  What  have  you 
done  with  Herbert  Bascom,  Harry?  I  hope  you've 
not  let  him  commit  suicide? 

ADDISWORTH.  Well,  I  left  him  handy — on  the 
links.  Golf's  all  very  well  for  the  first  hole,  but 
after  that  it's  killingly  monotonous.  Can't  think 
why  there  should  be  more  than  one  hole. 

PILKERTON.  You're  sitting  a  long  way  from 
me,  Hetty. 

HETTY.  My  mistake,  Mr.  Pilkerton.  I'll  come 
much  closer.  [She  sits  close  to  him. 

JACK.     The  way  those  two  carry  on! 

IDA.     Shameful ! 

PILKERTON.  You  see  how  little  my  children  re- 
spect me,  Addisworth. 

ADDISWORTH.  Well  I  suppose  it  isn't  business 
hours. 

IDA  (clapping  her  hands).    The  intelligence  of 
the  boy ! 
3 


34:  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

HETTY.  I'm  always  afraid  of  a  man  who's  ami- 
able at  tea.  He's  sure  to  do  something  disagree- 
able before  dinner. 

PILKERTON.     And  after  dinner? 

HETTY.     Men  are  at  the  weakest. 

ADDISWORTH.    And  women  at  their  worst. 

IDA.  Nonsense!  Come  and  get  your  teas! 
ff Glass  crash). 

JACK.    What's  that? 

ADDISWORTH.    Sounds  like  a  public  meeting. 

[JACK  rises  and  takes  tea  to  HETTY  and  PIL- 
KERTON.  ADDISWORTH  gets  tea  for  him- 
self and  returns  to  fender. 

ADDISWORTH.  Tea,  tea!  (He  brings  with  him 
the  cream  jug  and  empties  it  in  his  cup). 

JACK.  I  say,  are  you  living  on  cream?  (Goes' 
and  takes  jug  from  ADDISWORTH  and  hands  it  to 
HETTY  and  PILKERTON.  They  discover  it  is  empty 
and  look  at  ADDISWORTH). 

[Then  IDA  gives  JACK  tea  and  takes  cup  her- 
self, sitting  down  at  tea  table.  BASCOM 
enters  from  garden  with  a  golf  club. 

IDA.     Just  in  time,  Mr.  Bascom! 

BASCOM  No,  thank  you.  Tea's  poison  to  me. 
(He  comes  down  L.  below  couch  as  they  sip  their 
tea.)  I've  just  driven  a  ball  through  the  billiard 
room  window. 

JACK.     Golf  ball? 

ADDISWORTH.    Or  billiard  ball? 

PILKERTON.  A  minor  point.  My  mind  is  on  the 
window. 

BASCOM.  I'm  sorry.  You  see  my  luck's  dead 
out.  [He  sits  on  stool  L.  looking  forlorn. 

JACK.    The  estate'll  stand  it,  old  man. 

IDA.     I  wonder  where  Mr.  Vandean  is! 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  35 

HETTY.  Haven't  seen  him  since  lunch ;  but  then 
I've  been  asleep  most  of  the  time  myself. 

ADDISWORTH.     Daresay  Van's  been  working — 

PILKERTON.  And  been  allowed  to  go  on,  not 
having  a  daughter. 

IDA.    Don't  be  impertinent,  papa. 

[Enter  VANDEAN  from  L.  He  carries  a  large 
"bulky  blue  envelope  with  a  l)ig  seal. 
JACK  puts  cup  down  on  table. 

Oh,  there  you  are,  Mr.  Vandean! 

VANDEAN.     I  smelt  tea.    (He  comes  to  table  and 
takes  a  cup  from  IDA;  he  holds  out  the  envelope 
to  her  in  the  other  hand). 
What  will  that  weigh? 

[They  all  turn  to  look  at  Mm. 

IDA.    Oh,  a  shilling,  at  least. 

HETTY.     What's  inside? 

VANDEAN  (laughing  and  throwing  letter  down 
on  card  table,  L.).  Some  stuff  for  the  Chief. 
There's  a  post  to-night? 

[He  drinks  tea. 

JACK.     Eight  o'clock.     (Sits  in  armchair). 

ADDISWORTH.  I  say,  Van,  have  you  remem- 
bered my  C.B.? 

VANDEAN  (setting  down  cup).  Good  lord,  my 
dear  boy,  I  forgot  all  about  it!  I  can't  open  the 
thing  now,  can  I?  Besides,  it's  all  bosh,  you 
know. 

ADDISWORTH.  Bosh  be  hanged!  I'm  in  dead 
earnest  about  it. 

[IDA  leaves  table  and  comes  and  sits  on  the 
arm  of  JACK'S  chair.  VANDEAN  comes 
down  to  L.C.  below  couch.  He  thus  gets 
right  in  front  of  BASCOM,  who  sighs 
patiently  and  shifts  his  stool,  with  him- 
self on  it,  further  down  L.,  VANDEAN  tak- 
ing no  notice  of  him. 


36  PILKEKTON'S  PEERAGE. 

IDA  (to  ADDISWORTH,  laughing).  You  don't 
mean  to  say  you've  got  the — ? 

JACK.     Cheek — 

IDA.     Yes,  cheek — to  ask  for  a  G.B.? 

VANDEAN.  They've  always  had  plenty  of  cheek. 
That's  how  they  got  a  dukedom.  We're  much 
older  than  they  are.  Why,  we  were  marauders 
when  they  were  only  honest  peasants!  But  my 
ancestors  had  no  impudence,  confound  ?em ! 

BASCOM.  We  are  better  men  than  our  fathers — 
some  of  us,  Vandean. 

VANDEAN.  Hullo,  Bascom,  old  boy,  are  you  be- 
hind there?  Don't  spoil  your  natural  gloom 
merely  for  the  sake  of  scoring  off  me. 

IDA.  I  didn't  know  people  ever  asked  for  things 
like  that. 

ADDISWORTH.  How  in  goodness'  name  did  you 
think  they  got  them? 

IDA.     Why,  by  deserving  them,  of  course. 

VANDEAN.  Yes,  yes,  of  course.  That  is — oc- 
casionally, Miss  Pilkerton. 

IDA.  Anyhow  not  by  cadging  for  what  they 
don't  deserve. 

[ADDISWORTH,  JACK,  HETTY  and  VANDEAN  all 
rather  uncomfortable,  glancing  momen- 
tarily at  PILKERTON.  PILKERTON  is  quite 
impassive  and  BASCOM  appears  not  to 
hear.  A  moment's  pause. 

VANDEAN.  Cadging  is — er — of  course — merely 
— a — a — 

PILKERTON.    A  term  of  abuse,  Mr.  Vandean. 

ADDISWORTH.  And  distinctly  insulting,  Miss 
Ida.  (Lights  cigarette). 

IDA.     Pooh ! 

VANDEAN.  The  fact,  I  need  hardly  say,  is  that 
— er — representations  are  made — 

ADDISWORTH.    From  influential  quarters — 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  37 

BASCOM.    To  the  proper  quarters — 

VANDEAN  (turning  a  moment).  Oh! — Ah! — 
thank  you,  Bascom.  To  the  proper  quarters — that 
in — er — certain  quarters — (Pause.  Gives  cup  to 
BASCOM). 

IDA.     Well? 

VANDEAN.  Why,  that  it's  felt  that  something 
ought  to  be  done. 

ADDISWORTH     (approvingly).    Old  Van's  got  it. 

HETTY.  I  do  admire  a  man  who  knows  how 
things  are  done. 

VANDEAN  (strolling  across  to  hearthrug  and 
standing  by  ADDISWORTH,  lighting  a  cigarette}. 
It's  not  quite  good  form — You  do  smoke  here? 
(IDA  nods).  Not  quite  good  form  to  ask  for  your- 
self. A  asks  for  B,  then  B  asks  for  A.  Then  they 
both  ask  for  C,  and  then  C  does  a  turn  for  both  of 
them,  and — so  it  works  out  all  round. 

IDA.  I  see  how  the  asking's  done.  Now,  how  is 
the  giving? 

VANDEAN.  The  giving  is  conducted  on  princi- 
ples of  purity,  Miss  Pilkerton — 

ADDISWORTH.  Tempered — (VANDEAN  digs  him 
in  the  ribs).  Oh! 

VANDEAN.  Tempered  by  the  traditions  of  the 
Constitution. 

PILKERTON.  And  the  political  exigencies  of  the 
Administration. 

VANDEAN.  Oh,  oh,  Mr.  Pilkerton,  rank  treason ! 
I  mustn't  listen,  really. 

IDA.     Doesn't  merit  come  in  at  all  then? 

VANDEAN.  Why,  of  course  it  does — if  there's 
anything  left. 

ADDISWORTH.  Merit  comes  in  at  the  bottom — 
that's  why  I  ask  for  a  C.B. 

VANDEAN.  Oh,  shut  up  about  your  miserable 
C.B. !  Besides  we've  told  quite  enough  secrets 
already. 


38  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

IDA.  You'd  never  have  said  such  things  if 
they'd  been  true. 

PILKERTON.  Exaggerate  your  truths  a  little, 
and  they're  often  the  most  useful  form  of  decep- 
tion. 

ADDISWORTH.    Hear!  Hear!  Hear!  Hear! 

HETTY.  Oh,  you  know  a  great  deal  too  much.  I 
shan't  trust  myself  any  longer  near  you.  (Mov- 
ing a  little  away).  And  I  wonder  you've  brought 
up  the  children  half  as  nice  as  they  are! 

VANDEAN  (indicating  HETTY).  She's  very  fas- 
cinating, Mr.  Pilkerton,  but  quite  immoral. 

HETTY.  Why  that's  what  my  poor  husband 
used  to  say! 

ADDISWORTH.  Well,  I  suppose  he  had  oppor- 
tunities of  judging? 

HETTY.     But  then  he  said  all  women  were. 

PILKERTON.  Ah!  The  wisest  of  us  generalise 
sometimes. 

JACK  (jumping  up).  Come  and  walk.  We 
must  get  an  appetite  before  dinner. 

[He  goes  up  to  window. 

HETTY.  Yes,  come  along.  (Rises  and  goes  up 
R.) 

ADDISWORTH.  Yes,  we  must  get  an  appetite  be- 
fore dinner.  (Takes  a  huge  piece  of  cake  and  fol- 
lows to  C.  up,  and  BASCOM  rises  with  a  sigh  and 
follows  slowly). 

HETTY.  I've  just  got  to  get  my  hat.  Wait  for 
me,  Jack.  ,^,.  [She  goes  off  R. 

[JACK,  ADDISWORTH,  and  BASCOM  stop  at  win- 
dow,  light  cigarettes,  then  go  out  to- 
gether. IDA  has  slipped  into  JACK'S 
armchair.  PILKERTON  looks  at  her,  then 
at  VANDEAN,  then  rises  slowly. 

PILKERTON.  I'll  leave  you  and  Ida  to  thrash 
out  the  subject,  Mr.  Vandean.  (He  turns  to  L., 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  39 

then  turns  back  towards  VANDEAN;  he  points  to 
letter  on  card  table).    The  post  goes  at  eight. 
VANDEAN.     Eight !    Yes,  thanks,  I  know. 
PILKERTON.    Not  till  eight.     (Goes  L.  a  little). 
VANDEAN.    It's  quite  ready,  thanks,  Mr,  Pilker- 
ton. 

[ PILKERTON  glances  at  Jiim,  turns  and  goes 
slowly  up  to  door  L. 

IDA.     Not  going  to  work  again,  papa? 
PILKERTON.     Just  to  read  through  and  sign  a 
few  letters.    Oh,  nothing,  my  dear ! 

[He  goes  off  L. 

[VANDEAN   sits  down  on  fender.     A   short 
pause. 

VANDEAN.  What  a  reprehensible  institution 
Monday  is! 

IDA.    .Must  you  really  go? 

VANDEAN  (pointing  across  to  card  table). 
There  lies  my  avant-courier.  I  must  be  hot  on  his 
tracks. 

IDA.  Say  a  word  for  poor  merit,  won't  you? 
I'm  its  only  companion. 

VANDEAN.  If  I  were  as  powerful  a  one,  merit 
would  be  looking  up. 

IDA.  Did  you  think  me  silly  and  ignorant?  I 
don't  know  much  about  politics — we've  never  had 
much  to  do  with  them.  Papa's  a  Liberal-Conserv- 
ative and  Jack's  a  Conservative-Liberal — quite 
different  opinions,  aren't  they? 

VANDEAN.  Well,  different  sides,  anyhow,  and 
that's  more  important. 

IDA.  But  I  don't  think  either  of  them  care 
much.  Are  politics  really  interesting? 

VANDEAN.  Politics  is  just  another  name  for 
men — and  sometimes  women.  So  sometimes 
they're  not  interesting,  and  sometimes  (shifting 


±0  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

to  end  of  fender,  nearer  her  chair)  they  are — most 
uncommonly. 

IDA  (smiling).    Even  the  women? 

VANDEAN  (smiling).  More  especially.  But 
never  mind  politics  now.  I  haven't  thought  of 
them  since  Wednesday  evening. 

IDA  (pointing  across  to  card  table).  Oh  yes, 
this  afternoon ! 

VANDEAN.  I  had  to  do  that  tedious  job.  It's 
done — there's  an  end  of  it! 

IDA  (rising,  strolling  up  to  window,  and  look- 
ing out).  Isn't  it  beautiful?  (turning  round  and 
leaning  against  window).  Isn't  it  wonderful 
how  some  days  the  sun  shines  brighter,  the  flowers 
smell  sweeter,  and  everything  is  far  more  lovely 
than  usual,  Mr.  Vandean  ? 

VANDEAN  (rising  and  leaning  on  armchair,  look- 
ing at  her).  It  seems  so  to-day? 

IDA.     Yes,  somehow. 

VANDEAN.     And  yesterday? 

IDA.     Yes,  yesterday  too. 

VANDEAN.    And — and  to-morrow? 

IDA.  Oh — oh — I  don't  know  It  must  be  all 
nonsense,  mustn't  it? 

[She  comes  down  to  O. 

VANDEAN.  I  suppose  so — or  it  wouldn't  be  so 
pleasant. 

IDA  (sitting  on  couch  L.C.).  Where  do  you  live 
in  London?  I  should  like  to  be  able  to  picture 
you. 

VANDEAN  (crossing  to  L.C.  and  sitting  by  her). 
I  live  in  a  small  flat  near  Berkeley  Square.  Small 
because  I'm  poor — and  Berkeley  Square  because 
I'm  proud. 

IDA.  Poor,  proud — and  powerful  (Laughing). 
You  should  take  bribes,  Mr.  Vandean. 

VANDEAN.  I  can  imagine  a  case  in  which  I 
should  be  terribly  tempted. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  41 

IDA.     Oh,  yield — and  be  a  millionaire! 

VANDEAN.  I  wasn't  thinking  of  money,  I  was 
thinking  of — (he  checks  himself).  But  you're  not 
serious? 

IDA.  Dear  me,  no !  You  suspected  me  of  some* 
thing  once.  (Looking  at  him.) 

VANDEAN.     No  no, 

IDA.  Yes,  you  did.  I  don't  know  what;  but  I 
should  never  suspect  you  of  anything  that  wasn't 
quite  straight — of  any  sort  of  intrigue  or  ma- 
noeuvring, you  know. 

VANDEAN.  It  gives  me  more  pleasure  than  I 
can  tell  you  to  hear  you — you  of  all  people  in  the 
world — say  that — Thank  you. 

IDA.  It's  quite  true.  I  should  never  suspect 
you  of  anything  like  that.  I  should  as  soon  think 
of  suspecting  papa  himself. 

VANDEAN.     Er — thank  you  again. 

IDA.  And  I  know  you  were  only  joking  about 
the  Honours.  I  know  that  if  you  have  any  influ- 
ence you'll  use  it  to  help  deserving  people — you'll 
consider  only  merit — you'll — 

VANDEAN.     Oh,  Lord! 

[He  rises  abruptly  and  walks  up  to  the  win- 
dow.   She  looks  after  him. 

IDA.  Is  anything  the  matter?  You've  seemed 
rather  restless  all  day. 

VANDEAN  (coming  down  to  R.C.  opposite  her). 
I  believe  I've  caught  a  complaint. 

IDA.     Infectious? 

VANDEAN.     I  hope  so — within  a  limited  area. 

IDA.     Well,  I  daresay  I've  had  it  already. 

VANDEAN.     Not  often,  I  hope! 

IDA.     Is  it  serious? 

VANDEAN.     Well,  it  seems  so. 

IDA.    Tell  me  what  it  is. 


4:2  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

VANDEAN.     Shall  I? 

[They  look  at  one  another  for  a  moment. 

I  think  I  must.    You  know  what  I'm  going  to  say. 

[She  rises  slowly,  becoming  agitated  as  she 

comes  to  understand  his  meaning. 
You  must  know  it?    I'm  not  a  trifler,  not  a  phiL 
anderer — 

IDA     (faintly).    No,  no,  I'm  sure — 
VANDEAN  (coming  nearer  to  her).    And  so  you 
must  know?    Ida,  I — 

[The  door  L.  is  opened  sharply.  PILKERTON 
comes  in,  carrying  five  or  six  letters. 
He  comes  quickly  to  €.,  between  but 
above  them,  glancing  keenly  at  them. 

PILKERTON.  I  want  to  speak  to  Mr.  Van  dean, 
Ida.  And  you  ought  to  be  out  of  doors.  Run 
away,  my  dear.  Put  these  in  the  box  (gives  her 
letters)  as  you  go  through  the  hall. 

IDA.  Yes.  Shall  I  post  yours  too,  Mr.  Van* 
dean? 

VANDEAN.     Oh,  thank  you. 

[He  is  about  to  go  and  get  his  letter,  but  PIL- 
KERTON stops  him  with  a  gesture. 

PILKERTON.     Do  as  I  tell  you,  Ida. 

[She  glances  from  him  to  VANDEAN  with  a 
troubled  air,  goes  up  R.  slowly  and  off  R. 
PILKERTON  comes  down  and  sits  on  sofa. 
VANDEAN  goes  R.  to  hearthrug.  A  pause. 

VANDEAN.  I'm  glad  you  came  in  then,  Mr.  Pil- 
kerton.  I  was  going  to  do  what  under  the  circum- 
stances I  had  no  right  to  do. 

PILKERTON.     Yes? 

VANDEAN.  I  was  going  to  tell  your  daughter  I 
loved  her,  without  your  permission.  I  lay  down 
(smiling)  no  general  rules;  I  don't  decide  be^ 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  43 

tween  Romeo  and  the  Capulet  family — that's  an 
old  dispute.  But  in  this  case — well,  she's  young, 
and  I'm  not  quite  so  young;  she's  new  to  the 
world,  and  I'm  not  quite  so  new.  Finally,  it  hap- 
pens  that  I'm  poor,  while  you  are,  I  presume,  un- 
usually rich? 

PILKERTON.  Several  weighty  reasons  against 
wrhat  you  were  going  to  do. 

VANDEAN.  I  forgot  them — and  myself.  I  have 
to  thank  you  for  my  rescue. 

PILKERTON.     But  I  imagine  she — understood? 

VANDEAN.  I'm  afraid  that's  rather  likely.  But 
I  hope  I  may  complete  her  illumination  under  the 
proper  sanction?  (Standing  up).  I  pretend  to 
no  excess  of  humility.  I  come  of  good  stock  and 
hold  a  position  I'm  not  ashamed  of.  Some  day  I 
hope  for  a  good  berth.  The  Chief  always  looks 
after  his  men,  and  I  may  say  without  vanity  that 
he  likes  me. 

PILKERTON.  I  hear  you  hold  an  exceptionally 
high  place  in  his  confidence.  (Pauses).  You 
think  Ida  has  a  fancy  for  you? 

VANDEAN.  I  can  hardly  hope  for  more  on  so 
short  an  acquaintance. 

PILKERTON.  Which  would  grow  if  the  acquaint- 
ance grew? 

VANDEAN.     Honestly  I  think  so. 

PILKERTON.     But  that  depends  on  me? 

VANDEAN  (laughing).  Oh,  I  must  admit  that 
unreservedly. 

PILKERTON.  I  only  wanted  to  have  it  quite 
clear;  Mr.  Vandean.  You've  told  me  something 
about  yourself — and  you're  in  a  position  to  know 
something  of  what  my  friends  think  of  me. 

VANDEAN.     You  refer  to — ? 

PILKERTON.     You  know  what  I  refer  to. 

VANDEAN.  It's  rather  a  delicate  matter  to  dis- 
cuss with  you. 


44  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

PILKERTON.  I  don't  desire  to  discuss  it.  I  have 
only  this  to  say — (he  rises) — I  want  that  peerage, 
Mr.  Vandean. 

VANDEAN   (slowly).     I  don't  quite  understand. 

PILKERTON.  I  want  that  peerage.  (He  goes  up 
towards  door  L.,  points  to  letter  on  card  table). 
The  post  doesn't  go  till  eight.  We  meet  at  dinner. 
Till  then,  Mr.  Vandean. 

[Goes  off  L..  VANDEAN  stands  a  minute,  then 
sits  again  and  lights  cigarette  very  de- 
liberately. 

VANDEAN.    Hum ! 

[Enter  ADDIS  WORTH  from  garden,  wearing 
cap  and  carrying  stick. 

ADDISWORTH.  Seen  Lady  Hetty  and  Jack,  Van? 
They  never  turned  up  to  walk,  and  I  can't  find 
'em. 

VANDEAN.  I  don't  suppose  they  meant  you 
should. 

ADDISWORTH.  Well,  I  won't  go  alone  with  Bas- 
com,  that's  flat.  (He  comes  down  and  flings  him- 
self on  couch).  What  have  you  been  up  to? 

VANDEAN.  Been  having  a  talk  with  Pilkerton. 
He's  not  eloquent,  but  he's  very  lucid. 

ADDISWORTH.  Was  it  about  the  traditions  of 
the  Constitution,  Van? 

VANDEAN.  What  the  devil  does  he  want  a  peer^ 
age  for? 

ADDISWORTH.  Jack  says  it  would  increase  his 
trade  enormously — especially  American  trade,  you 
know.  I  say,  Van,  why  are  you  so  extra  virtu- 
ous over  this  particular  job. 

VANDEAN.  Because  I  fancy  I've  got  a  bit  too 
much  to  gain  by  it  myself. 

ADDISWORTH.     What,  you  mean — ? 

VANDEAN.     Oh,  you  can  guess.    And  you  mustn't 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  45 

get  too  much  for  yourself,  you  know.    It  strains 
the  traditions. 

ADDISWORTH.  By  Jove,  I  never  thought  of  this 
happening. 

VANDEAN.  Can  you  say  the  same  for  that  bag- 
gage Hetty  Wrey?  And  Pilkerton  doesn't  go  the 
right  way  about  it.  A  man  must  go  about  it  the 
right  way. 

ADDISWORTH.    Rather  a  funny  situation ! 

VANDEAN.  Well,  the  sort  of  situation  that 
strikes  other  people  as  funny,  I  daresay.  The 
humour  falls  a  trifle  flat  on  me. 

[HETTY  looks  in  from  garden. 

HETTY.     Oh,  I  was  looking  for — 

VANDEAN  (springing  up,  going  quickly  up  to 
her  and  catching  her  by  the  arm] .  Here,  we  want 
you! 

HETTY.     What  are  you  doing? 

VANDEAN.  Come  and  take  her  other  arm,  Ad- 
disworth. 

[ADDISWORTH  obeys,  leaving  stick  leaning 
against  settee. 

That's  right.  (They  bring  her  down  between 
them).  Sit  her  down.  (They  seat  her  on  settee). 
Stand  there. 

[Points  to  L.  below  sofa.  ADDISWORTH  stands 
there.  VANDEAN  R.C.  opposite.  HETTY 
looks  from  one  to  the  other,  amazed  but 
amused. 

HETTY.    What  game  are  you  playing,  please? 
VANDEAN.     What  game  have  you  been  playing? 
ADDISWORTH.     Out  with  it,  Hetty!     (Takes  up 
stick). 

HETTY.    Hetty? 

VANDEAN.     This  is  no  moment  for  formality. 


46  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

ADDISWORTH.  Or  even  for  ordinary  politeness. 
Make  a  clean  breast  of  it.  (Shaking  stick). 

HETTY.     Don't  murder  me,  anyhow! 

VANDEAN.  Lady  Hetty,  I  am  torn  between  love 
and  duty.  And  the  infamous  feature  of  the  whole 
case  is  that  you  meant  I  should  be. 

HETTY.    Tell  me  what  I've  done. 

VANDEAN.  You  brought  Ida  to  the  office — you 
brought  me  down  here — or  tried  to ;  you've  worked 
the  whole  show  in  order  that — 

ADDISWORTH.  That  he  might  be  smitten  by 
Ida— 

VANDEAN.    And  barter  my  honour — 

ADDISWORTH.     For  her  love — 

VANDEAN.    And  throw  away  all  scruples — 

ADDISWORTH.    And  get  Pilkerton — 

VANDEAN.  His  infernal  peerage — All — all  in 
order  not  to  help  me,  but  to  make  up  to  Pilkerton 
yourself  and — 

ADDISWORTH.    And  get  leave  to  marry  Jack! 

HETTY.     Good  gracious! 

VANDEAN  (retiring  to  R.  and  sitting  on  fender}. 
I  think  we've  stated  our  case  clearly  and  briefly, 
Addisworth. 

ADDISWORTH  (reaching  for  stool  L.,  bringing  it 
to  L.C.,  and  sitting) .  I  never  spoke  better  in  the 
House. 

HETTY.  Are  you  just  playing  the  fool,  or  is 
there  anything  serious? 

VANDEAN.     Well — it — it  feels  serious. 

HETTY.  Oh!  Have  I  done  something  rather — 
rather  dreadful? 

VANDEAN.  Eggs  are  cheap,  but  you  shouldn't 
break  too  many  to  make  your  omelette. 

HETTY  (low).  She  cares?  [They  don't  answer. 
And  Mr.  Pilkerton? 

VANDEAN.    He  wants  his  peerage. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  47 

ADDISWORTH.  Yes,  old  Pilkerton  wants  his 
peerage. 

HETTY.     And  she  would  be  unhappy? 

[They  don't  answer. 

Oh,  I  don't  suppose  you  care,  but  if  it  comes  to 
that,  I'm  unhappy.    And  how  you  bully  me! 

VANDEAN.    You're  unhappy  too? 

[She  nods  vigorously.     He  comes  across  to 
her. 

VANDEAN.  Jack?  [She  nods  again. 

I  forgive  you,  Hetty. 

HETTY.     Lucius  dear! 

ADDISWORTH.  But  this  scoundrel  of  a  Pilker- 
ton? (rises  and  kicks  stool). 

HETTY.     He  must  have  his  peerage. 

VANDEAN.     Never  through  me! 

HETTY.     But  Ida? 

VANDEAN.  I  can't  help  it.  It's  not  the  thing, 
Hetty.  I  must  be  square  with  the  Chief.  I  must 
give  him  an  honest  opinion. 

ADDISWORTH.     And  that's  against  Pilkerton? 

VANDEAN.  For  what  it's  worth,  it's  straight  in 
Pilkerton's  teeth. 

HETTY.  Oh,  it's  not  my  fault !  Who  could  have 
supposed  she'd  care  for  you?  (ADDISWORTH 
laughs). 

VANDEAN.  You  should  consider  even  remote 
possibilities. 

ADDISWORTH.  And  anyhow  you  meant  him  to 
like  her. 

HETTY.  Yes,  I  did  do  that.  Oh,  I'm  a  villain 
after  all!  Oh,  Lucius,  can't  you  be  just  a  little 
bit  more  corrupt  than  usual — just  for  this  once, 
you  know? 

VANDEAN.  Fascinating — but  quite  immoral, 
Hetty ! 


4:8  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

[Enter  JACK  L.y  looking  very  disconsolate. 
He  comes  down  to  C.,  between  HETTY  and 

VANDEAN. 

JACK.     Oh,  here  you  are,  Hetty ! 

[VANDEAN  goes  off  to  fender  and  sits, 

HETTY.     Where  have  you  been? 

JACK   (gloomily).     With  the  old  man. 

[VANDEAN  begins  to  drum  his  feet  on  the  floor 
in  impatience. 

ADDISWORTH.  You  don't  look  very  gay  over  it, 
old  chap. 

JACK.  Do  you  particularly  mind  not  drumming 
your  feet  like  that,  Vandean? 

VANDEAN   (irritably).     Oh,   all   right. 

HETTY.  What's  the  matter  with  you  now, 
Jack? 

JACK.  I  tried  to  say  a  word  for  poor  old  Bas- 
com,  who's  devilish  down  on  his  luck. 

ADDISWORTH.    No  go? 

JACK.  I  thought  the  old  man  might  do  some- 
thing for  him.  But  the  moment  I  began  he 
jumped  clean  down  my  throat. 

HETTY.     But  why?    Poor  Mr.  Bascom! 

JACK.  The  old  man  wanted  to  know  what  Bas- 
com had  done  for  him. 

VANDEAN.  Did  that  point  of  view  surprise  you 
in  your  father,  Pilkerton. 

JACK.  So  I  dropped  it — and  went  on — I  say,  I 
should  like  to  speak  to  you,  Hetty. 

HETTY     (rising).    Come  into  the  garden. 

VANDEAN  (rising).  No,  we'll  go.  Fresh  air'll 
do  us  good. 

ADDISWORTH  (rising).  Yes,  we'll  go  and  talk  it 
over.  Where's  my  stick! 

[Gets  it  and  goes  up  to  window. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  49 

VANDEAN.  All  right.  I  suppose  if  a  man  was 
going  to  be  hanged,  he'd  like  to  talk  it  over. 

[He  follows  ADDISWORTH  up  and  they  link 
arms  and  go  off  together  slowly  and  sor- 
rowfully. HETTY  sits  again. 

HETTY.     Oh,  Jack! 

[She  moves  a  little  and  smooths  away  her 
skirts,  inviting  him  to  sit  by  her.  He  sits 
by  her.  She  nestles  close  to  him.  He 
puts  his  arm  round  her  waist,  but  goes 
on  speaking  with  undiminished  gloom. 

Oh,  Jack ! 

JACK.  I  asked  him  whether  I  might  ask  you  to 
settle  our  wedding  day;  but  he  said  there  was  a 
previous  question 

HETTY.    Well,  there  isn't,  that's  all. 

JACK.  Which  he  would  discuss  with  me  on  the 
day  the  Honours  List  came  out. 

HETTY.  Can  he  still  mean — ?  Oh,  and  I  have 
worked  for  him !  Why,  I  got  him  the  Bishop ! 

JACK.  It's  not  enough  to  work.  To  please  the 
old  man,  you  must  work  successfully. 

HETTY.  And  he's  always  pretended  to  be  so 
fond  of  me! 

JACK.  He  is  fond  of  you,  but  that's  no  reason 
for  not  making  use  of  you — not  with  the  old  man. 
He's  got  it  into  his  head  that  you  and  Yandean 
can  work  this  business  if  you  put  your  backs  into 
it.  And  if  you  don't  work,  he'll  be  as  disagree- 
able as  he  knows  how — and,  to  do  him  justice,, 
what  he  doesn't  know  in  that  direction  isn't  worth 
knowing,  Hetty. 

HETTY.     What  a  father! 

JACK.     He's  not  unkind,  but  he  doesn't  approve 
of  individuality  in  the  family  circle — nor  beyond 
it  for  a  considerable  radius.    Well,  I  believe  that 
if  Vandean  liked — 
4 


50  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

HETTY.  Hush,  Jack !  Well,  you're  a  Pilkerton 
too,  bless  you! 

[She  kisses  Mm.  As  she  does  so  PILKERTON 
enters  from  L.  He  sees  them,  but  beyond 
a  smile  takes  no  notice.  He  comes  down 
L.O.  JACK  rises  and  walks  sulkily  off  to 
the  hearth-rug.  HETTY  looks  at  him  de- 
fiantly without  moving. 

PILKERTON.  Ah,  Jack,  not  gone  to  dress  yet! 
Surely  it's  time? 

JACK.     Time  in  about  half-an-hour,  father. 

PILKERTON.  No,  no,  you  young  men  take  such 
a  long  while  making  yourselves  beautiful. 

[For  a  moment  JACK  and  he  look  hard  at  one 
another,  JACK  seeming  about  to  rebel, 
PILKERTON  smiling.  Then  JACK  begins 
to  move  slowly  up  to  back. 

JACK.  Oh,  all  right.  I'll  begin  my  dressing  in 
the  garden — with  a  cigar. 

PILKERTON  (blandly).  Where  you  please,  my 
dear  boy.  (JACK  looks  around  angrily,  but  goes 
out  into  garden).  I  wanted  to  speak  to  you, 
Hetty. 

HETTY.  Your  tactful  methods  failed  to  conceal 
your  object,  Mr.  Pilkerton. 

PILKERTON.  Never  waste  your  time  trying  to 
conceal  the  obvious. 

[He  sits  on  settee,  lower  end.  HETTY  draws 
herself  away  to  extreme  other  end. 

HETTY.  And  I  want  to  speak  to  you  too.  I 
just  want  to  say  that  I  consider  you  the  cruellest 
and  meanest  and  most  selfish  man  I  ever  met. 

PILKERTON.  Then  it's  evident  you've  never  been 
in  business,  Hetty. 

HETTY.    Don't  call  me  Hetty.     I'm  not  your 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  51 

friend.  Your  friendship  is  only  a  sham.  What's 
it  worth  to  me? 

PILKERTON.  The  exact  question  I  was  going  to 
ask  about  your  friendship  to  me. 

HETTY.  And  you'd  make  your  son  and  daugh- 
ter miserable!  (Rises  in  anger  and  stands  R.C.  in 
front  of  couch) .  You  say  you  love  them,  but  you'd 
make  them  most  unhappy ! 

PILKERTON.  I'm  very  fond  of  my  children — 
very  fond — 

HETTY.     It  looks  like  it,  doesn't  it? 

PILKERTON.  Hetty,  do  you  know  what  a  firm  is 
— a  business  firm? 

HETTY.     Of  course  I  do.    I'm  not  an  idiot. 

PILKERTON.  Only  when  you're  angry,  my  dear 
Hetty. 

HETTY.     Oh ! 

PILKERTON.  Well,  I  regard  my  family  as  a 
firm.  We  all  have  something  in  the  firm ;  we  work 
for  the  firm,  we  draw  profits  from  the  firm.  Also 
we  act  in  accordance  with  the  judgment  of  the 
head  of  the  firm.  Again,  Hetty,  if  anybody  not 
already  in  the  firm  should  wish  to  enter  it — I  put 
a  case — he — or  she — must  bring  something  into 
the  firm,  or  clearly  it's  unfair  to  the  existing  part- 
ners. He — or  she — would  be  getting  something 
for  nothing,  which  in  business  is,  of  course,  quite 
inadmissible. 

HETTY  (despairingly).  You're  so  terribly  hard. 
I've  tried  to  help  you. 

PILKERTON.  If  a  man  has  to  put  £10,000  into  a 
firm  before  he  can  join  it,  and  hasn't  got  the 
£10,000,  what's  he  got  to  do,  Hetty? 

HETTY.  Raise  the  money,  of  course.  I  know 
something  about  that,  anyhow. 

PILKERTON.  Just  so — raise  it — (smiling)  not 
try  to  raise  it,  Hetty.  That's  the  way  of  the  world 
— I  point  it  out.  I  didn't  make  it. 


52  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

HETTY.  Yes,  you  did — you  and  men  like  you* 
You  make  the  world  the  odious,  hard,  unfeeling 
thing  it  is. 

[IDA'S  voice  is  heard  from  the  garden  gaily 
singing  a  little  catch  of  song. 

PILKERTON  (gently).    Ah,  that's  dearest  Ida. 
HETTY.    Dearest  Ida,  indeed! 

[IDA  enters  from  garden.    She  carries  five  or\ 
six  roses,  rose  leaves,  a  pair  of  scissors 
and  wire  to  tie  the  flowers  into  button- 
holes.   She  comes  to  C. 

IDA.  Hetty !  And  father !  Oh,  I've  caught  you 
again.  I  shall  tell — somebody!  (HETTY  turns 
abruptly  and  goes  up  right).  Going,  Hetty? 

HETTY.     Yes,  going  to  dress. 

[She  flounces  out  R.,  PILKERTON  watching  he 
with  amused  smile. 

IDA.     Have  you  been  teasing  her,  papa? 
PILKERTON.     Teasing  dear  Hetty!     Good  gra 
cious,  no,  my  dear! 

[IDA  sits  on  settee,  on  his  R 

IDA.     You're  sometimes    a    little    inclined    tc 
tease,  you  know.     Now  I'll  do  my  button-holes 
Let's   see — you,    Jack,    Lord    Addisworth,     Mr 
Bascom,  Mr.  Vandean — five.     Now  which  do  you; 
choose? 

PILKERTON  (after  careful  examination) 
That's  decidedly  the  one  for  me ! 

IDA  (pointing  to  another).    That  one,  dear? 

PILKERTON.    No,  no,  that  one. 

IDA.  Oh-h — that  one?  Of  course  you  can  have 
that  one  if  you  really  like  it  best,  but  I  thought— 
I  thought  that  particular  one  would  suit  Mr.  Van 
dean's  complexion  rather  well.  You  shall  have 
this  one,  it's  just  as  pretty.  (She  begins  to  makt 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  53 

the  'button-holes  and  continues  to  occupy  her- 
self in  making  them  during  the  conversation). 
Don't  you  think  Mr.  Vandean's  nice? 

PILKERTON.  A  pleasant  man,  but  rather  re- 
served. 

IDA.  I  daresay  he  wants  encouragement.  But 
he's  seen  such  a  lot  and  knows  so  many  people. 
And  I  expect  he's  got  a  lot  of  influence,  though  he 
says  he  hasn't. 

PILKERTON.     I  shouldn't  wonder  if  he  had,  Ida. 

IDA.  He's  so  funny  about  his  work,  pretending 
it's  all  jobbery;  and  of  course  Lord  Addis  worth 
backs  him  up.  I  don't  believe  half  of  it.  There's 
your  button-hole — let  me  put  it  in  for  you.  (She 
puts  it  in).  Don't  forget  it  when  you  change  your 
coat.  Now  I'll  do  Mr.  Vandean's.  Do  you  know 
what  I  should  like  to  happen,  papa? 

PILKERTON.  Let's  hear  your  particular  desire, 
my  dear. 

IDA.  I  should  like  some  honour  to  come  tumb- 
ling out  of  the  sky  for  you. 

PILKERTON.    For  me,  eh? 

IDA.  Yes,  wouldn't  it  be  delightful  ?  And  then 
they  wouldn't  be  able  ta  talk  any  more  nonsense 
about  merit  not  counting,  or  the  whole  thing  being 
jobbery  and  intrigue. 

PILKERTON.  Yes,  I  imagine  they'd  hold  their 
tongues  about  jobbery  then. 

IDA.  A  baronetcy — no,  that's  not  enough — a 
peerage,  papa !  And  I  should  be  the  Honourable ! 
Why,  I  believe  I'm  a  snob  after  all ! 

PILKERTON.    You'd  be  pleased,  Ida? 

IDA.  Of  course  I  should,  but  to  our  old  friends 
I  should  pretend  it  was  a  bore. 

PILKERTON.  You're  not  so  simple  as  you  look, 
my  child. 

IDA.  No,  I  know  a  thing  or  two,  don't  I? 
There's  Mr.  Vandean's  button-hole,  and  it  looks 


54  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

simply  beautiful!  (Lays  it  down  carefully). 
Now  for  Lord  Addi^ worth's.  Any  of  them  will 
do  for  him. 

PILKERTON.  His  complexion's  not  so  difficult  to 
suit? 

[He  rises,  looking  rather  annoyed,  and  strolls 
to  hearthrug.  She  sits  still,  and  rapidly 
finishes  another  button-hole. 

IDA.  There !  My  maid  must  do  Jack's  and  Mr. 
Baseom's,  or  I  shall  be  late. 

[Gathers  up  flowers,  rises  and  turns  as  VAN- 
DEAN  and  ADDISWORTH  come  in  from  the 
garden. 

ADDISWORTH.  Hurrah,  here's  Miss  Ida  not 
dressed !  I  thought  we  were  late. 

IDA.  So  you  are,  and  so  am  I.  I  must  run. 
(To  ADDISWORTH).  Here's  a  button -hole  for  you. 

[Goes  up  a  little,  he  coming  down  to  meet  her 
above  settee  and  taking  it. 

ADDISWORTH.  Thanks  awfully,  it's  ripping. 
(Strolls  down  to  R.  and  leans  on  armchair). 
Jolly  evening,  sir. 

PILKERTON.    Remarkably  fine. 

IDA  (to  VANDEAN  who  is  up  R.).  Will  you  have 
one  too,  Mr.  Vandean? 

VANDEAN.  Indeed  I  will.  Won't  you  put  it  in 
for  me? 

IDA.     Oh,  yes.  [She  begins  to  do  so. 

PILKERTON.  Your  letter's  still  there,  Mr.  Van- 
dean. 

VANDEAN.  Thanks  for  reminding  me — I'll  put 
it  in  the  box. 

IDA  (finishing  putting  in  button-hole).    There! 

VANDEAN.    A  thousand  thanks. 

IDA.    Now  I  must  really  run. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  55 

ADDISWORTH.    So  must  we  all. 

[He  turns  and  goes  towards  R. 
IDA.    You'll  be  late,  Mr.  Vandean. 

[She  pauses  a  moment,  waiting  for  Mm. 

VANDEAN.     I'm  coming. 
PILKERTON.    Mr.  Vandean! 
VANDEAN.     Yes,  do  you  want  me? 

[He  comes  slowly  down  to  C.  ADDISWORTH 
joins  IDA  up  R.  and  opens  door  for  her. 
She  goes  off  slowly,  looking  round  at 
VANDEAN.  ADDISWORTH  follows  her  off. 
VANDEAN  looks  at  PILKERTON  a  moment, 
then  goes  and  takes  letter  from  card  table 
and  returns  with  it  to  L.C. 

PILKERTON.     It's  ready  to  post? 

VANDEAN  {rather  stiffly) .  It  has  been  this  hour 
past,  Mr.  Pilkerton. 

PILKERTON.    You've  found  nothing  to  add? 

VANDEAN.      Nothing.  [A  moment's  pause. 

PILKERTON.  If  there  were  anything  I  should 
like  to  hear,  you  would  have  mentioned  it? 

VANDEAN.     I  should  have  mentioned  it. 

PILKERTON  (slowly).  There's  no  need  of  more 
words. 

VANDEAN.  I  think  none.  (PILKERTON  nods  and 
moves  from  hearthrug  to  R.C.  as  though  to  go  up 
to  door  L.  He  pauses) .  If  you  would  prefer  that 
I  caught  a  train  this  evening — ? 

PILKERTON.  There  is  no  train.  And  I'm  de- 
delighted  to  entertain  you  to-night.  (VANDEAN 
bows  coldly).  But  as  far  as  making  love  to  my 
daughter — 

VANDEAN.     Really,  Mr.  Pilkerton,  I — 

PILKERTON.  As  far  as  making  love  to  Ida  is 
concerned,  you  must  understand  that  you  stay  in 
my  house  this  evening  on  parole.  (He  goes  up  to 


56 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 


door  L.  and  opens  it.    Turns  to  VANDEAN  again). 
You  understand,  Mr.  Vandean,  on  parole? 
VANDEAN.     I  understand,  sir — on  parole. 

[PILKERTON  goes  out.    VANDEAN  stands  look- 
ing at  the  letter  as  the 

CURTAIN  FALLS. 


rACT  III. 

SCENE  :  The  same  as  in  Act  II.,  "but  in  the  evening 
after  dinner.  The  windows  stand  open,  with 
curtains  not  drawn.  The  night  is  very  fine 
and  the  moon  casting  a  clear  light  on  the 
garden  outside.  The  couch  has  "been  moved  a 
little  up,  and  a  small  table  placed  ~by  it  to 
L.  to  hold  coffee  cups,  cigarettes,  etc. 

[HETTY  and  IDA  are  sitting  side  ~by  side  on 
the  couch — HETTY  to  L. — drinking  coffee. 
They  are  in  evening  dress,  hut  each  has 
with  her  a  light  scarf  or  l)oa  or  other 
covering  for  her  shoulders  when  she  goes 
into  the  garden. 

HETTY.  Fancy  Jack  contradicting  Mr.  Pilker- 
ton  like  that  at  dinner!  I  didn't  know  what 
would  happen. 

IDA.  Oh,  it  was  only  about  politics.  Papa 
never  minds  that.  But  somehow  Jack  did  seem 
rather  pleased  to  give  him  a  dig.  Mr.  Vandean 
enjoyed  it  too. 

HETTY.  It  wasn't  a  very  lively  dinner  alto- 
gether. 

IDA.     You  weren't  very  lively,  Hetty. 

HETTY.  Well,  I'm  awfully  worried,  and  being 
lively  when  you're  worried  always  sounds  so 
spasmodic. 

IDA.     I'm  so  sorry.    Can't  I  help,  dear? 

[HETTY  shakes  her  head  and  puts  down  her 
cup. 

57 


58  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

Because  I  feel  rather  gay.  ( Gives  HETTY  her 
cup,  and  HETTY  places  it  on  table).  Papa  hasn't 
been  grumpy  to  you? 

HETTY.  Not  exactly,  but  he  won't  let  Jack  and 
me  settle  anything.  It's  all  right  to  be  attached, 
and  it's  all  right  to  be  detached,  but  to  be  semi- 
attached  is  horrid. 

IDA.  I  wonder  if  I  dare  try  him !  He's  been 
so  nice  to  me  to-day. 

HETTY.  To-day !  Oh,  for  goodness  sake  let  him 
alone  to-day. 

IDA  (laughing).    Why  to-day  in  particular? 

HETTY  (rather  confused).  Well,  I  think  he's 
worried  too.  Business,  I  suppose. 

IDA.  Pork  jumping  up  and  down  probably. 
That  always  upsets  papa.  (Turning  to  look  to- 
wards garden).  What  a  night !  It  feels  more  like 
July.  Aren't  you  coming  out? 

HETTY.     Not  yet.    Let  me  digest. 

IDA.  Oh,  you  might  be  forty  or  any  age! 
(Takes  scarf  and  rises).  Well,  if — if  they  ask  for 
me,  tell  them  where  I  am. 

HETTY.  Yes,  if  they  ask  I'll  tell  them.  Shall  I 
do  it  in  a  whisper,  Ida? 

IDA  (laughing  and  a  little  confused).  Be  a 
dear,  anyhow. 

[Enter  VANDEAN  from  R.] 

Oh,  but  here  is  Mr.  Vandean !  (To  VANDEAN, 
who  stops  up  R.).  Coming  to  smoke  in  the  gar- 
den, Mr.  Vandean?  I'm  going. 

VANDEAN.    Oh  yes,  er — 

IDA.     Come  along. 

VANDEAN.     Presently. 

IDA.     Presently? 

VANDEAN.  I  promised  to  play  billiards  with 
Bascom. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  59 

IDA.  Oh,  if  you  promised,  of  course!  Very 
well. 

[She  goes  out,  showing  anger.  VANDEAN 
looks  after  her  a  moment,  shakes  head 
dolefully,  comes  down  to  fire  and  sits  on 
fender,  spreading  legs  out  before  him  and 
looking  gloomy.  HETTY  sniffs,  then  be- 
gins to  search  for  her  handkerchief  in  all 
possible  places.  VANDEAN  watches. 

VANDEAN  (after  pause).  Can  I  help  you  in  the 
— er — undertaking  ? 

HETTY.  Oh,  it's  only  my  handkerchief.  (She 
finds  it  on  the  couch  by  her).  How  stupid — here 
it  is.  (She  dabs  her  eyes). 

VANDEAN.    Only  a  cold,  I  trust? 

HETTY.  For  goodness  sake  don't  be  sympa- 
thetic, or  I'm  gone!  Lucius,  is  there  the  least 
chance  for  Mr.  Pilkerton? 

VANDEAN.     Absolutely  none. 

HETTY.     Is  that  due  to  you? 

VANDEAN.    No. 

HETTY.     The  truth,  please! 

VANDEAN.  That  is  the  truth.  I  may  have  some 
little  influence — between  ourselves,  possibly  I 
have.  But  if  I  tried  to  use  it  in  a  case  like  this, 
the  Chief  would  see  there  was  something  up.  A 
job  must  be  plausible — unless  the  man's  very 
highly  related.  Besides — 

HETTY.  Oh,  never  mind  the  reasons.  You've 
told  me  all  I  wanted  to  know\ 

VANDEAN.  We're  companions  in  misfortune,  I 
fancy. 

HETTY  (holding  up  handkerchief  warningly). 
Don't.  Why  don't  you  go  into  the  garden  with 
Ida? 

VANDEAN.  I  promised  to  play  billiards  with 
Bascom. 


60  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

HETTY.  Oh,  that's  nonsense,  you  know.  Every- 
body chucks  Mr.  Bascom — he's  that  sort  of  man. 

VANDEAN.  Well  then,  I'm  here  to-night  on 
parole. 

HETTY.     Because  of — ? 

VANDEAN.  Because  I've  got  some  honesty  about 
me. 

HETTY.  Ah,  it's  always  so  troublesome.  How 
miserable  everything  is! 

VANDEAN.  Bascom  will  be  congenial  company, 
anyhow.  Is  it  worse  to  be  stone-broke  or  to  be 
crossed  in  love? 

HETTY.     It's  possible  to  be  both. 

[Dabbing  her  eyes. 

[BASCOM  puts  in  Ms  head  L.] 

BASCOM  (gloomily).  Coming  to  play  those 
beastly  billiards? 

VANDEAN.     Yes,  old  man — hang  the  billiards — ! 
BASCOM.     Come  on,  then. 

[Exit.  VANDEAN  rises  and  strolls  across  to- 
wards door  L. 

HETTY.  Send  Jack  here,  will  you?  (savagely). 
I've  given  no  parole. 

VANDEAN.  All  right,  I'll  send  him.  I  hate  bil- 
liards, you  know. 

[He  goes  off  L.  slowly  and  sulkily,  kicking  a 
chair  out  of  the  way  as  he  goes.  HETTY 
rises,  wanders  up  to  the  window,  and 
stands  looking  out. 

[JACK  enters  L.,  goes  to  her,  takes  her  in  his 
arms,  and  kisses  her. 

HETTY.     Oh  Jack,  I'm  so  unhappy ! 

[He  puts  his  arm  round  her  waist,  brings  her 
down  to  couch,  and  they  sit  side  by  side. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  61 

JACK.  I've  made  up  my  mind  to  something — 
that  is,  if  you'll  make  up  yours.  If  you  won't,  I 
shan't  have  the  pluck  either. 

HETTY.     What  is  it? 

JACK.  Why,  that  we'll  stick  to  one  another  in 
spite  of  everything. 

HETTY.     In  spite  of — everything? 

JACK.  Well,  in  spite  of  the  old  man,  I  mean,  of 
course. 

HETTY   (incredulous).    Jack! 

JACK.  Oh,  I'm  in  a  deuce  of  a  funk,  I  admit 
that.  You  don't  put  yourself  absolutely  in  an- 
other man's  hands  for  years  without  a  bit — a  bit 
of  a  qualm  at  the  thought  of  fighting  him — especi- 
ally when  he's  your  father — and  a  good  father  too. 
But  I'll  do  it  sooner  than  lose  you,  Hetty. 

HETTY.  What  would  he  do — leave  you  to 
starve? 

JACK  (indignantly).  Do  you  think  I  should 
starve,  or  let  you  starve  either? 

HETTY.  Not  starving  means  a — a  good  deal 
with  me.  It's  such  a  relative  expression,  Jack ! 

JACK.  Anyhow  I'd  make  a  home  for  the  woman 
I  love. 

HETTY.  The  woman  I  love!  That's  a  nice 
romantic  old-fashioned  sort  of  phrase,  isn't  it?  A 
home  for  the  woman  I  love !  I  haven't  heard  it  for 
years,  living  in  society.  Jack,  I  love  you  exactly 
ten  times  as  much  as  I  did  when  I  got  up  from 
dinner. 

JACK.  And  I  feel  rather  more  as  if  I  deserved 
your  love. 

HETTY.  That's  beautifully  old-fashioned  too,  I 
don't  know  if  it's  the  fault  of  the  men  or  the 
women.  To  think  we  should  turn  out  the  regular, 
proper,  persecuted  lovers!  Where's  a  rope-lad- 
der? I  never  thought  I  should  come  to  it. 

JACK.     I've  brought  you  to  it,  by  Jove! 


62  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

HETTY.  Yes,  and — let  me  whisper— I  don't 
think  anybody  else  could.  (She  kisses  him,  then 
rises  gaily).  Now  I'm  going  to  have  the  whole 
thing.  Come  and  walk  in  the  moonlight  and  vow ! 

JACK.    Vow? 

HETTY.  Yes,  you  must  vow.  Persecuted  lovers 
always  vow. 

JACK.     May   I  smoke  while   I   vow? 

HETTY.  Now  you've  spoilt  the  illusion.  To- 
bacco wasn't  invented  in  the  days  when  we  were 
in  love.  What  nonsense!  But  I'm  so  happy. 
(She  takes  his  hands  and  pulls  him  to  his  feet). 
Do  come.  I  don't  want  to  see  anybody  but  you 
for  a  little  while. 

JACK.  You  dear  old  Hetty!  (They  go  slowly 
up  together  and  into  the  garden). 

[A  short  pause.  ADDISWORTH  comes  in  L. 
He  stands  holding  door  open  and  calling 
off. 

ADDISWORTH.  Well,  Bascom,  if  you're  as  rotten 
at  bridge  as  you  are  at  billiards  I  don't  wonder 
he  swore  at  you.  What?  Oh,  Mrs.  Warmfield 
who  swore,  was  it?  Then  I'm  still  less  surprised. 
What?  Oh,  rot!  (Shuts  door,  comes  down,  takes 
cigarette  from  box  on  table,  crosses  R.  to  fender, 
lights  cigarette  and  sits  on  fender).  Where's  Ida, 
I  wonder? 

[Enter  from  garden  PILKERTON,  in  an  old  soft 
hat  with  woollen  shawl  round  shoulders. 
These  he  places  on  a  chair  R.  of  window 
and  comes  down  to  R.C.  in  deep  thought, 
without  seeing  ADDISWORTH. 

Have  you  seen  Miss  Ida,  Pilkerton? 
PILKERTON       (with    a    slight    start).      No — I 
haven't. 
ADDISWORTH.    You  look  as  if  you  could  bear  to 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  63 

be  alone.  (Rising).  I  think  I'll  go  and  look  for 
her. 

PILKERTON.  No,  don't  go.  I  was  thinking — 
(He  sinks  into  armchair  just  above  fire.  ADDIS- 
WORTH  standing  "by  fire)  how  many  people  there 
are  in  the  world  who  expect  to  get  something  for 
nothing. 

ADDISWORTH.  The  Scriptures  encourage  the 
notion,  you  see. 

PILKERTON.  In  business  it  is,  of  course,  entirely 
inadmissible. 

ADDISWORTH.  Suppose  it  is — unless  you're  born 
in  the  swim.  That's  where  we  beggars  come  in. 
(stretching  himself).  Awful  bore  going  back  to 
town  to-morrow! 

PILKERTON.    You've  your  work  to  do. 

ADDISWORTH.  That's  the  worst  of  it.  Van's  got 
to  see  the  Chief — and  I  shall  try  to  be  there,  learn- 
ing the  ropes. 

PILKERTON.  I  think  you  will  learn  them ;  you 
have  plenty  of  wits — and  I  hope  your  father  keeps 
you  up  to  the  mark  as  to  work? 

ADDISWORTH.  You  may  leave  that  department 
in  the  governor's  hands  with  every  confidence. 

PILKERTON.  Candidly,  Addisworth,  what  do 
you  think  are  the  prospects  of  my  little  affair? 

ADDISWORTH.  You're  well  backed,  but  I'm 
afraid  it's  no  go. 

PILKERTON.  Have  you  any  theory  why  it's — no 
go? 

ADDISWORTH.  Well,  if  you  press  me — yes,  I 
have. 

PILKERTON.     I  should  like  to  hear  it. 

ADDISWORTH.  I  don't  generally  speak  the  truth 
to  my  seniors.  It  sounds  so  deuced  disrespectful. 

PILKERTON.  Never  mind  the  respect;  we're 
alone. 

ADDISWORTH.    It's  this  way,    then.      You    re- 


64  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

marked  just  now  that  in  business  a  lot  of  people 
expected  to  get  something  for  nothing;  and  you 
said  it  was  inadmissible.  Don't  you  think  per- 
haps the  same  remark  applies  in  politics?  It's  all 
very  well  for  any  number  of  swells  to  say  what 
a  good  chap  you  are,  and  that  you've  done  no  end 
of  big  things — 

PILKERTON.     I  have  done  some  big  things. 

ADDISWORTH.  And  that  you're  no  end  of  a  big 
pot. 

PILKERTON.  I  am  a  man  of  some  importance — 
presuming  that  to  be  what  you  mean.  I  have 
built  up  a  great  business.  I've  promoted  the  com- 
mercial interests  of  the  country.  I — 

ADDISWORTH.  All  very  well,  if  we  lived  in 
what's-its-name — Utopia ;  but  we  don't,  you  see. 

PILKERTON  (smiling  a  little).  No,  and  I'm  not 
sure  I  should  be  better  suited  if  we  did. 

ADDISWORTH  (dropping  cigarette  and  sitting 
again  on  fender) .  But  put  yourself  in  the  Chiefs 
place.  What  have  you  done  for  him?  It's  from 
him  you're  asking  something.  The  Chief'll  say, 
"  Mr.  Pilkerton  seems  to  have  done  uncommon 
wrell  for  himself — and  I  shouldn't  be  surprised  to 
hear  that  he's  worked  an  oracle  or  two  for  some 
of  the  chaps  who  are  cracking  him  up  so.  But  I 
should  like  to  know  what  in  the  deuce's  name  he's 
done  for  us.  What's  he  done  for  the  party?" 
That's  what  the  Chief'll  say,  Mr.  Pilkerton. 

PILKERTON.     And  the  answer? 

ADDISWORTH.  Well,  what  is  it,  sir?  Have  you 
been  through  the  mill?  Have  you  fought  elec- 
tions ?  Have  you — excuse  me — forked  out  ?  Have 
you  sat  in  the  House  and  voted  straight — right  or 
wrong?  Have  you  backed  us  in  all  our  blunders? 
No!  You  sit  on  the  fence  most  of  the  time — and 
for  the  rest  I  believe  you're  against  us. 

PILKERTON   (thoughtfully).    Jack's  for  you. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  65 

ADDISWORTH.  The  Chief  can't  give  you  a  peer- 
age because  of  Jack's  politics,  you  know. 

PILKERTON.  Thank  you,  Addisworth.  You're  a 
young  man  of  singularly  lucid  mind.  With  the 
advantages  your  birth  gives  you,  you  ought  to  go 
far. 

ADDISWORTH.  Thank  you.  You  don't  mind  my 
repeating  that  to  the  governor? 

PILKERTON.  But  it's  too  late  to  start  on  all 
that — to  start  going  through  the  mill — now.  Be- 
sides, I've  no  time — no  patience — for  it. 

ADDISWORTH.  I'm  awfully  sorry,  sir,  but  you 
asked  the  truth. 

PILKERTON.  I  greatly  admired  your  exposition 
of  it. 

ADDISWORTH.  What  old  Van  calls  the  tradi- 
tions of  the  Constitution. 

PILKERTON.  I  don't  wish  our  conversation  men- 
tioned to  Mr.  Vandean. 

ADDISWORTH.     Quite  right,  sir.     Van's  back  is 
up — the  less  we  say  the  better.     (He  rises). 

PILKERTON.     Are  you  going? 

ADDISWORTH.     I  thought  I'd  look  for  the  girls. 

PILKERTON.  Capital  idea.  But  help  yourself  to 
some  whiskey  and  soda  first. 

ADDISWORTH.     Thanks. 

[Goes  L.  to  a  table  below  door  where  decant- 
ers and  soda  water  are.  He  helps  him- 
self and  comes  ~baek  L.C. 

PILKERTON  (rising  and  standing  'back  to  fire). 
We  were  comparing  business  and  politics  just 
now.  In  business  I've  sometimes  found  that  there 
was  one  thing  even  more  useful  than  having  helped 
a  man — and  that,  Addisworth,  was  being  able 
to  hinder  him.  The  power  of  being  disagreeable, 
er? 

ADDISWORTH  (laughing).  I  should  think  so! 
5 


66  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

Make  yourself  a  nuisance  and — !  (He  laughs 
again,  drinks,  goes  and  replaces  glass  on  table  L.). 
Do  you  want  me  any  more? 

PILKERTON.  No,  no.  (He  comes  slowly  to  C. 
and  sits  on  coucJi,  seeming  very  thoughtful). 

ADDISWORTH.  Then  I'll  go  and  find  Miss  Ida. 
(Goes  up  to  window.  As  he  reaches  it,  PILKER- 
TON turns  towards  him). 

PILKERTON.  Would  you  mind  looking  in  at  the 
billiard  room  window — I  think  it's  open — and  ask- 
ing Bascom  if  he  would  give  me  ten  minutes — any 
time  after  he's  finished  his  game. 

ADDISWORTH.  I'll  tell  him  all  right,  Mr.  Pilker- 
ton.  [Exit  "by  window. 

[PILKERTON  sits  a  moment,  then  goes  to  table 
L.,  and  drinks  soda-water.  Then  returns 
slowly  to  conchy  sitting  at  left  end  of  it. 

PILKERTON  (murmuring).  But  the  time's  so 
short!  (He  falls  into  meditation  again). 

[HETTY  enters  at  hack,  looks  round,  sees  PIL- 
KERTON, and  beckons  to  JACK  who  fol- 
lows her  on  with  an  air  of  caution. 

HETTY   (whispering).    There  he  is! 

JACK  (whispering).  Now  for  it!  As  we  ar- 
ranged !  (She  puts  one  hand  through  his  arm  and 
lays  the  other  on  the  top  of  his  arm,  looking  up  at 
him  in  a  sentimental  attitude).  That's  right. 

PILKERTON  (raising  his  head  with  a  start).  Is 
that  you,  Bascom? 

[They  come  down  to  R.  keeping  their  attitude, 
and  take  a  stand  facing  PILKERTON. 

Oh,  you,  Hetty!    And  Jack!    And  what  a  pretty 
attitude  you're  in!    Is  it  a  tableau?    Have  I  to 
guess?    Just  keep  it  a  moment  longer. 
JACK.    We've  something  to  say  to  you,  father. 


PILKEKTON'S  PEERAGE.  67 

PILKERTON  (smiling).  You  interrupt  me 
rather.  I  was  thinking  of  something. 

HETTY.  But  what  we  have  to  say  is  very,  very 
important. 

PILKERTON.  Unlike  what  I  was  thinking  of,  I 
suppose? 

JACK.  Hetty  has  promised  to  be  my  wife  in  a 
month,  father. 

[PILKERTON  starts  forward  a  moment,  then 
slowly  sinks  l)ack  with  a  smile. 

PILKERTON.    How  amiable  of  Hetty ! 

HETTY.  Mr.  Pilkerton,  I  hate  you  when  you 
smile  like  that.  Do  you  think  it  costs  us  nothing 
to  come  and  say  this  to  you? 

PILKERTON.  I  haven't  considered  how  much  it 
will  cost  you  yet. 

JACK.  In  taking  this  step,  father,  I  have  not 
acted  without  grave,  earnest,  and — 

PILKERTON.  Don't  be  long-winded,  my  boy. 
You  mean  that  you  and  Hetty  are  going  to  do  as 
you  please  and  see  me  at  the  devil?  That's  it,  eh? 

HETTY.  We  shouldn't  have  expressed  it  quite 
like  that,  Mr.  Pilkerton. 

PILKERTON.     But  in  words  to  that  effect? 

JACK.     Well — yes. 

PILKERTON.  That's  right.  Now  we  know  where 
we  are. 

HETTY  (tremulously).    I'm  not  so  sure  of  that. 

PILKERTON.  Oh,  yes,  we  do.  And  so  mightn't 
you  two — er  (pointing  at  them) — relax  your  ro- 
mantic pose?  Which  has,  I  assure  you,  had  all 
the  effect  that  is  to  be  expected  from  it. 

HETTY  (half  laughing).  Oh,  you're  odious! 

[She  releases  JACK'S  arm.  JACK  stands  a 
moment,  then  goes  off  and  gets  himself  a 
drink.  He  comes  "back  to  L.C. 


68  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

PILKERTON.  Now  it's  a  little  less  like  a  story 
book.  Jack,  this  is  in  essence  a  business  propo- 
sition of  yours.  You  propose  to  act  indepen- 
dently of  the  Managing  Director? 

JACK.  I  should  indeed  welcome  and  prize  your 
approval — 

PILKERTON.  Oh,  you're  getting  back  to  your 
story  book !  And  have  you  forgotten  that  it's 
Sunday  evening? 

HETTY.     Oh,  what  Las  that  got  to  do  with  it? 

PILKERTON.  On  Sunday  I  never  transact  any 
business  that  isn't  pressing. 

JACK.  But,  father — 

PILKERTON.  This  business  isn't  pressing.  We'll 
discuss  it  to-morrow  evening. 

HETTY.  Not  pressing !  When  the  happiness  of 
our  whole  lives,  all  we  love  best  in  the  world,  is  at 
stake? 

PILKERTON.  Not  pressing  to  we,  Hetty,  I 
meant.  To-morrow  evening! 

HETTY.  I  don't  suppose  that  the  crisis  in  any- 
body's life  was  ever  treated  like  that  before ! 

PILKERTON.  My  dear,  I  deal  with  the  crisis  in 
twenty  people's  lives  every  working  day.  When- 
ever we  refuse  to  renew  a  bill  perhaps — eh,  Jack? 
But  we  do  refuse — habitually.  To-morrow  eve- 
ning, please. 

[JACK  goes  round  'back  of  couch  to  HETTY  and 
takes  her  arm. 

JACK  (low).  We  must  let  him  alone  now — he's 
not  thinking  of  us. 

HETTY.     How  can  he  help  it? 

JACK  (low).    I  expect  he  can. — Come  along. 

PILKERTON  (not  looking  round).  Just  look  in 
at  the  billiard  room  window,  Jack — I  think  it's 
open — and  ask  Bascom  to  give  me  ten  minutes— i 
any  time — when  he's  finished  his  game. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  69 

JACK.  Yes,  father.  (He  takes  HETTY  up  to 
back). 

[ADDISWORTH  enters  from  garden  and  meets 
them.  The  three  exchange  words,  HETTY 
pointing  to  PILKERTON  with  exasperation, 
JACK  shrugging  his  shoulders.  ADDIS- 
WORTH  laughs  The  three  then  go  out  to- 
gether, HETTY  first,  then  JACK,  ADDIS- 
WORTH  last,  slapping  JACK  upon  the  back. 
Through  this  PILKERTON  sits  quite  still. 
After  they  have  gone,  a  short  pause. 
Then  VANDEAN  enters  L.  PILKERTON 
hears  door  and  turns  quickly. 

PILKERTON.  Is  that  you,  Bascom?  (He  sees 
VANDEAN  and  is  disappointed).  Oh,  it's  you,  Mr. 
Van dean ! 

VANDEAN.  All  right,  Mr.  Pilkerton.  (He  comes 
down  L.C.).  Bascom's  coming  to  you  as  soon  as 
he's  cleaned  the  chalk  off  his  waistcoat.  May  I 
have  a  drink?  (Goes  and  helps  himself  as  he 
speaks).  He's  got  an  extraordinary  habit  of 
chalking  himself  all  over  at  billiards.  (Drinks — 
then  coming  down  L.)  Trying  to  keep  a  private 
record  of  the  score,  I  believe.  (Takes  and  lights 
cigarette.  PILKERTON  has  relapsed  into  inatten- 
tion). Have  you  any  objection  to  my  taking  a 
stroll  into  the  garden  ? 

PILKERTON.  Not  the  least — and  as  1  want  to 
see — 

VANDEAN.  Yes,  I  know,  Bascom.  And  it's  a 
large  garden,  isn't  it? 

PILKERTON  (puzzled).    A  large  garden? 

VANDEAN.  Well,  I  expect  your  daughter's  some- 
where in  it,  and  I  might  meet  her,  that's  all. 

PILKERTON.  There  are  many  topics  of  general 
interest  you  could  discuss  with  her,  if  you  hap- 
pened to  meet. 


70  PILKEETON'S  PEERAGE. 

VANDBAN.  Yes,  of  course — prospects  of  the 
crops — the  Hoxton  murder — position  of  the  Gov- 
ernment. 

PILKERTON.  The  murder  is  a  more  cheerful  sub- 
ject surely — for  you,  Mr.  Vandean? 

VANDEAN.  Oh,  I  don't  know.  We've  a  narrow- 
ish  margin,  of  course. 

PILKERTON.     Eleven,  eh? 

VANDEAN.  Come,  come,  that's  double  figures. 
And  if  we  tide  over  this  Patagonian  business  with 
out  any  more  of  those  infernal  bye-elections — 

PILKERTON  (slowly).  You  wouldn't  like  one 
now? 

VANDEAN.  Heaven  forbid !  Don't  suggest  such 
an  awful  thing. 

[Enter  BASCOM  I/.] 
Ah,  here's  Bascom.    I'll  leave  you  to  your  talk. 

[BASCOM  comes  down  to  L.C.  as  VANDEAN 
goes  up  behind  him. 

Looks  to  me,  old  chap,  as  if  you'd  got  a  splodge 
of  chalk  in  the  middle  of  your  back. 

BASCOM.    Very  likely — hang  the  chalk! 

VANDEAN.  Perhaps  it's  only  the  light,  you 
know.  (He  strolls  off  into  the  garden). 

BASCOM.  I  hope  I  haven't  kept  you  waiting? 
You  said  I  was  to  finish  my  game. 

PILKERTON.  No  hurry  at  all.  Sit  down.  (BAS- 
COM crosses  to  R.).  I  was  sorry  not  to  be  able  to 
admit  the  strength  of  the  claim  Jack  put  forward 
on  your  behalf  about  the  managership  of  the 
Wrensford  works. 

BASCOM.  I  didn't  expect  anything  different. 
My  luck's  dead  out. 

PILKERTON.  Jack  hinted  something  about — 
difficulties. 

BASCOM.  He  might  have  done  more  than  hint— 
my  creditors  do. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  71 

PILKERTON.    Been  extravagant? 

BASCOM.  Only  in  politics.  I  know  I've  no 
claim  on  you,  but — well,  I  want  to  get  married 
too. 

PILKERTON.  Ah,  you're  engaged.  Sit  down, 
Bascom. 

[BASCOM  sits  in  armchair  R.] 

BASCOM.  These  three  years.  Such  a  girl !  But 
as  for  any  prospect — well,  there  it  is! 

PILKERTON.  When  I  said  I  couldn't  admit  your 
claim  I  referred  to  the  special  claim  you  put  for- 
ward. I  choose  my  men  for  their  own  sakes,  not 
their  fathers'.  In  many  ways  I  consider  you  well 
suited  for  the  post  in  question.  You  are  known 
and  liked  in  the  neighbourhood;  you  are  able,  I 
think,  and  I  know  you  to  be  trustworthy. 

BASCOM.    Could  you  give  me  a  trial  ? 

PILKERTON.  I  have  reached  the  position  I  now 
occupy,  Bascom,  by  giving  a  constant  and  undi- 
vided attention  to  business.  I  expect  the  same 
from  my  associates — in  return  for  such  a  salary 
as  £1,500  a  year. 

BASCOM.    Jack  said  £1,200. 

PILKERTON.  £1,500 — to  start  with.  But  as  to 
salary  we  shouldn't  quarrel.  As  you  may  sup- 
pose, my  operations  are  on  such  a  scale  that  a 
few  hundred  a  year  more  or  less  are  of  no  ac- 
count, if  I  can  get  a  man  I  can  rely  on,  and  if — if 
I  get  his  heart  in  my  work. 

BASCOM.    I'm  sure  my  heart  would  be  in  it,  sir. 

PILKERTON  (rising  and  facing  him).  Your 
whole  heart — your  whole  energy — your  whole 
time? 

BASCOM.    You  mean — the  House? 

PILKERTON.  Am  I  unreasonable?  I  consider 
my  business  and  my  business  only. 

BASCOM.  I  hate  to  give  up  the  House.  It's  an 
end  of  my  ambitions. 


72  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

PILKERTON.    A  postponement,  perhaps. 

BASCOM.  And  Mamie's  proud  of  my  being  In 
the  House — but  I  needn't  bother  you  about  what 
she  feels. 

PILKERTON.  Nor  yourself,  if  you'll  take  my  ad- 
vice, Bascom.  Am  I  making  you  a  good  offer? 

BASCOM.     Yes,  a  splendid  offer. 

PILKERTON.     Is  my  condition  unreasonable? 

BASCOM.  No,  no,  I  can't  say  that.  But  it's — 
it's  an  awful  wrench. 

PILKERTON.  For  my  part,  I've  always  been  of 
opinion — and  recently  I've  become  more  and  more 
convinced  of  it — that  in  business  as  in — well, 
most  other  matters,  to  expect  something  for  noth- 
ing is  inadmissible.  I  offer  something — I  ask 
something.  You  want  what  I  offer — you  boggle  at 
what  I  ask.  Inadmissible,  Bascom! 

BASCOM.     But  the  sacrifice — 

PILKERTON.  Say  the  price.  If  you  buy  a  bottle 
of  wine,  you  don't  call  your  half-guinea  the  sacri- 
fice. It's  the  price,  the  price  of  the  wine. 

BASCOM.    But  it  may  be  too  high. 

PILKERTON.  Ah,  that's  a  reasonable  point  now. 
And  that's  the  point  you  have  to  consider.  Con- 
sider it  in  all  its  lights  and  in  the  light  of  your 
own  position. 

BASCOM.  You'll  give  me  a  few  days,  sir,  I  dare- 
say? 

PILKERTON.  We're  early  people  in  the  country. 
(Looks  at  watch).  I'll  give  you  half-an-hour — 

BASCOM.    But  I  can't  possibly — 

PILKERTON.  The  man  who  can't  make  up  his 
mind  on  anything  in  half-an-hour  is  not  the  man 
for  my  business,  Bascom.  I  made  up  my  mind  to 
make  you  this  offer  in  thirty  seconds;  you  can 
surely  decide  on  it  in  thirty  minutes. 

BASCOM.    I  should  have  liked  to  write  to  Mamie. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  ,   73 

PILKERTON.  So  superfluous !  Besides,  my  offer 
is  confidential. 

BASCOM.  Well,  I'll  try.  You  know  we  should 
inconvenience  the  Government  most  awfully? 

PILKERTON.  Yes,  I've  not  forgotten  that,  Bas- 
com. 

BASCOM.  My  seat's  shaky,  and  a  bye-election, 
now — 

PILKERTON.  I've  thought  of  all  that,  Bascom. 
And  (slowly)  it's  no  objection  in  my  eyes. 

BASCOM.  I  say,  do  you  mean  to  stand  your- 
self? 

PILKERTON.     Suppose  I  do? 

BASCOM.     But  you're  against  the  Government! 

PILKERTON.     Suppose  I  am? 

BASCOM.    And  I  expect  you  could  win  the  seat? 

PILKERTON.     Suppose  I  could? 

BASCOM.  But  it  would  mean — why,  it  would 
mean  something  like  death  to  the  Government ! 

PILKERTON.    Suppose  it  would? 

BASCOM.    But  I  can't  see  what  you  mean  by  it. 

PILKERTON.  Never  mind  what  I  mean,  that's 
my  affair.  Your  resignation  would  have  to  be 
immediate.  I  wish  you  to  enter  on  your  duties  on 
Tuesday. 

BASCOM.  If  at  all,  the  sooner  the  better — to- 
morrow if  you  like. 

PILKERTON.  Yes.  If  I  were  you,  I  should  even 
write  the  necessary  letters  to-night.  (Going  to- 
wards door  R.)  Think  over  it.  (At  door  R.). 
And  in  half-an-hour ! 

[Exit  R.  BASCOM  remains  seated  on  couch. 
A  moment's  pause.  ADDISWORTH  enters 
from  garden  and  comes  down  R. 

ADDISWORTH.  Hullo,  Bascom,-  what  are  you 
doing? 

BASCOM.    Thinking. 


74:  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

ADDISWORTH.  Well,  don't  overstrain  yourself. 
It's  only  Sunday — you've  the  whole  week  before 
you. 

BASCOM.  No,  I  haven't — and  it's  a  crisis  in  my 
life. 

ADDISWORTH.  By  Jove,  I  shouldn't  have  thought 
you  had  such  a  thing  about  you!  (BASCOM  rises 
impatiently  and  goes  up  past  him  to  R.).  Sorry, 
old  chap — didn't  mean  to  be  flippant.  Unburden 
your  heart. 

BASCOM  (going  to  door  R.).  No,  I  can't.  I'll 
go  to  my  room  and  think  it  over. 

ADDISWORTH.  That's  right.  I  thought  you'd 
hardly  been  your  usual  cheery  self  of  late.  (Gri- 
maces, unseen  l>y  BASCOM  who  is  at  door).  Old 
Pilkerton  wanted  you — did  you  see  him? 

BASCOM.    Yes,  I  saw  Pilkerton. 

ADDISWORTH.  Well,  if  I've  gone  to  bed  before 
you've  quieted  your  crisis,  good-night. 

BASCOM   (absently).    Good-night. 

[He  goes  out  slowly  R.,  thoughtful  and  frown- 
ing. 

ADDISWORTH  (pointing  to  drinks).  Good  idea! 
(He  goes  L.  fills  tumbler,  crosses  back  to  fender, 
puts  tumbler  on  mantelpiece  and  sits  on  fender). 
Not  an  overwhelming  demand  for  my  society! 

[Enter  VANDEAN  from  garden.  He  comes 
down  C.  quickly  and  flings  himself  on 
couch  in  apparent  irritation.  ADDIS- 
WORTH watches  him  with  a  smile. 

Getting  chilly  outside,  Van? 
VANDEAN.     Beastly ! 
ADDISWORTH.     Where's  Ida? 
VANDEAN.     Don't  know. 

ADDISWORTH.     Going  by  first  train  to-morrow? 
VANDEAN.    Yes. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  75 

ADDISWORTH.    Do  if  I  come  by  the  second? 

VANDEAN.  Second  or  hundred-and-second,  for 
all  I  care. 

ADDISWORTH    You're  a  genial  friend  to-night. 

VANDEAN.     Oh,  it'll  last  longer  than  to-night. 

ADDISWORTH.  That's  jolly,  considering  we 
spend  most  of  our  days  together.  (Pause).  Any 
use  my  saying  I'm  sorry,  Van  ? 

VANDEAN.     Not  a  damn  of  use,  old  boy. 

ADDISWORTH.  Swearing  won't  help  it.  Didn't 
your  mother  teach  you  that? 

VANDEAN.  No,  it  won't  help  it,  but  there's  such 
a  thing  as  doing  justice  to  it,  isn't  there? 

[Enter  HETTY  from  garden.  She  looks  at 
ADDISWORTH,,  then  at  VANDEAN,  then 
~back  at  ADDISWORTH  enquiringly.  ADDIS- 
WORTH assumes  expression  of  exaggerated 
woe,  raises  hands  above  his  head,  drops 
them  in  despair,  then  quickly  takes  a 
drink.  VANDEAN  does  not  see  her  till  she 
speaks. 

HETTY.  Oh,  then  I  shall  go  to  bed!  (Pause). 
Jack  and  I  have  defied  Mr.  Pilkerton. 

[VANDEAN  turns  his  head  towards  her. 

ADDISWORTH,    What  did  he  say  to  that? 

HETTY.     Told  us  he'd  attend  to  it  to-morrow. 

VANDEAN.  Got  a  humour  of  his  own,  old  Pil- 
kerton. 

HETTY  (viciously).  Quite  his  own.  Good- 
night. [Turning  towards  door  R. 

VANDEAN  AND  ADDISWORTH.    Good-night. 

[As  HETTY  is  about  to  go,  IDA  enters  L.;  look- 
ing round,  she  sees  them  all.  VANDEAN 
has  turned  back  and  does  not  see  her;  he 
seems  sunk  in  moody  thought. 


76  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

IDA     (very  low).    Oh! 

[HETTY  glances  at  her,  then  at  VANDEAN,  then 
at  ADDISWORTH,  then  beckons  vigorously 
to  ADDISWORTH. 

ADDISWORTH.    Eh? 

[HETTY  Reckons  vigorously  again,  then  points 
across   to   door   L.     ADDISWORTH    nods,  ] 
rises,  goes  up  L.,  passes  IDA,  takes  her  j 
hand  a  minute,  goes  to  door  L.     Looks  | 
across  to  HETTY  at  door  R.    They  nod  to 
one  another,  then  go  out  simultaneously.  \ 
VANDEAN  rises,  lounges  over  to  fender, 
IDA  comes  down  to  L.  just  below  couch. 
VANDEAN  turns  and  sits,  then  sees  IDA  ] 
standing  stiffly.    He  is  about  to  speak, 
~but  she  is  too  quick  for  him. 

IDA.  I  looked  in  the  drawing-room — then  in  the 
garden  again — then  in  the  billiard-room.  Now  I 
have  pursued  you  here. 

VANDEAN.  I'm  not  running  away,  Miss  Pilker- 
ton.  [He  rises. 

IDA.  You  have  been  all  the  evening.  You 
wouldn't  come  into  the  garden  with  me — you  hid 
yourself  in  the  billiard-room  with  Mr.  Bascom. 
When  at  last  you  came  out  you  didn't  join  me. 
I  had  to  join  you.  You  talked  to  me  for  ten 
minutes — nonsense,  nothings,  commonplaces. 
Then  you  left  me  on  some  wretched  excuse,  and 
I  have  had  to  follow  you  here. 

VANDEAN.  I  really  haven't  meant  to  fail  in  po- 
liteness or — 

IDA.     Is  it  only  a  question  of  politeness  between 
you  and  me?     Our  acquaintance  began  by  your  | 
suspecting  me  of  something.    Do  you  suspect  me 
of  anything  now? 

VANDEAN.    On  my  honour,  no. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  ff 

IDA.  Then  what  does  it  mean?  (Pause).  Is 
this  very  wrong,  very  indelicate,  very  unmaid- 
enly?  Oh,  Fm  enough  my  father's  daughter  to 
care  nothing  about  all  that  nonsense!  If  a  girl 
friend  treated  me  as  you  have,  I  should  ask  her 
why.  I  ask  you  why  now,  Mr.  Vandean? 

VANDEAN.  I  should  like  to  talk  to  you  some 
other  time  about  this  matter.  I'm  in  a  difficulty 
now. 

IDA.    You  want  time  to  find  your  reasons? 

VANDEAN.  I  can't  give  them  now  without  be- 
traying other  people's  secrets.  (She  is  about  to 
speak.  He  raises  his  hand  to  stop  her).  That's 
absolutely  all  I  can  say  just  now.  But  this  after- 
noon weren't  you  prepared  to  listen — at  least  to 
listen?  And  if  you  were,  wasn't  it  because  you 
liked  me,  thought  well  of  me,  trusted  me?  Mayn't 
I  draw  on  that  liking  and  confidence  now?  (He 
takes  a  step  or  two  towards  her).  Is  all  you've 
seen  of  me  these  four  days  worth  nothing  to  me 
now?  Now  when  I'm  in  need  of  it? 

IDA.  Your  demand  for  confidence  is  very  large. 
(She  makes  as  though  to  turn  away,  but  turns 
back  again).  You  leave  us  early  to-morrow? 

VANDEAN.     By  the  first  train. 

IDA.  This  is  good-bye,  then?  (A  pause.  Her 
tone  is  less  hardy  becoming  gradually  distressed 
and  pleading) . 

VANDEAN.     Good-bye ! 

IDA.  Mr.  Vandean!  (Timidly).  I  can't  go 
like  that.  I  can't  leave  it  like  that.  I  could 
if  I  hadn't  liked  you  so  much  and  thought  such 
great  things  of  you.  Somehow — I  don't  know  how 
—but  somehow,  deep  down,  a  long,  long  way  down 
in  my  heart,  I  don't  feel  all  I've  been  saying  to 
you. 

VANDEAN.    You  love  me,  you  trust  me,  Ida? 


ft}  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

(He  is  about  to  spring  forward  to  her,  but  checks 
himself).    No,  I  must  remember. 

IDA.     Remember?     Ah  yes,  the  other  people's 

secrets ! 

VANDEAN.    Good-night. 

[He  bows  slightly,  but  she  holds  out  her  hand. 
After  a  moment's  pause  he  goes  and  takes 
it. 

IDA.    Good-night ! 

[VANDEAN  turns  away,  going  up  to  door  R. 
He  turns  as  she  speaks  again. 

I  trust  you  with  all  my  heart.    Good-night. 

[As  VANDEAN  stands  with  hand  on  door 
handle,  IDA  looking  at  him  with  a  smile, 
the 

CURTAIN  FALLS. 


ACT  IV. 

SCENE  :    Same  as  in  Act  I.    Time — the  next  day. 
Monday  about  noon. 

[ADDISWORTH  is  at  his  desk  R.,  opening  his 
morning  letters.  JENKINS  is  putting 
papers  in  order  on  VANDEAN'S  desk  L. 

ADDISWORTH.  What  the  deuce  are  you  fussing 
about  there  for,  Jenkins? 

JENKINS.  Fm  doing  my  duty  as  your  lordship 
does  yours — hoccasionally. 

ADDISWORTH.  Oh,  all  right.  I'm  a  bit  cheap 
this  morning.  Early  trains  are  beastly. 

JENKINS.  Fm  always  glad,  my  lord,  when  we've 
disposed  of  these  Honours.  They  gets  on  every- 
body's nerves.  The  Chiefs  dreadful  short  this 
morning,  and  Mr.  Vandean — he's  not  fit  company 
for  a  Christian  man.  But  if  he  can  find  any  fault 
with  that  desk  now  (surveying  it  proudly)  I'm 
willing  to  apply  for  the  'Undreds.  (Coming  to 
C.).  Can  I  do  anything  for  you,  my  lord? 

ADDISWORTH.  No.  Oh,  yes!  If  two  ladies 
come,  show  them  into  my  room,  will  you? 

JENKINS.     Ladies  again,  my  lord? 

ADDISWORTH.  Look  here — are  you  my  governor, 
Jenkins? 

JENKINS.  I  certainly  am  not  His  Grace,  my 
lord,  but  I  remember  him  when  he  was  no  more 
than — 

ADDISWORTH.  Well,  remember  the  ladies  too. 
Good  morning,  Jenkins. 

79 


80  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

JENKINS  (stiffly).  Good  morning.  No  offence, 
I  hope,  my  lord? 

[He  goes  out  back.  ADDISWORTH  yawns  and 
digs  his  knuckles  into  his  eyes.  VANDEAN 
enters  R.,  plumps  down  into  his  chair  and 
begins  to  read  papers. 

ADDISWORTH  (taking  out  watch).  Late  again, 
Vandean ! 

VANDEAN  (surly).  Oh,  are  you  there?  This 
desk's  (searching  about  it)  chaos.  Confound  that 
Jenkins ! 

ADDISWORTH.  Yes — came  up  by  the  9.30.  Rest 
of  them  coming  by  next  train. 

VANDEAN.     What  for? 

ADDISWORTH.  Don't  know.  Pilkerton  suddenly 
gave  marching  orders.  (Rises  and  comes  C.). 
Settled  the  Honours  up  with  the  Chief? 

VANDEAN.     Pretty  well,  thank  Heaven. 

ADDISWORTH.  What  about  my  C.B.?  I've  had 
the  devil  of  a  wigging  from  the  governor  this 
morning,  and  it  would  be  a  rare  slap  in  the  eye 
for  him! 

VANDEAN.  The  object  of  the  Order  of  the  Bath 
is  not  to  administer  slaps  in  the  eye — 

ADDISWORTH.  Oh,  right  you  are,  but  I  shall 
have  a  go  at  the  Chief  myself.  You  won't  queer  it, 
will  you? 

VANDEAN.  I  shall  have  nothing  whatever  to  do 
with  it  one  way  or  the  other. 

ADDISWORTH.     Oh,  yes,  you  will,  you're  such  a  j 
good  chap  really,  only  you've  turned  so  awfully 
scrupulous. 

[VANDEAN  mutters  savagely   "but  inaudibly. 

Eh,  what?  Oh,  I  thought  you  spoke.  (Goes 
up  to  VANDEAN'S  desk  and  leans  over  top).  Any 
show  for  Pilkerton  ? 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  81 

VANDEAN  (savagely).  No,  there's  no  show  for 
Pilkerton.  [A  handbell  rings  off  R. 

What  the  deuce  does  the  Chief  want  now? 

[Pushes  papers  aside  and  prepares  to  rise. 
ADDISWORTH  (going  L.).    Well,  be  gentle  with 
him — he's  old,  and  the  cares  of  state — 

[Door  R.  opens. 
Hullo,  here  he  is,  by  Jove ! 

[Exit  hastily  L.    Enter  MANGAN.    He  crosses 
to  C.,  VANDEAN  rising. 

VANDEAN.     I  was  just  coming  to  you,  sir. 

MANGAN.  Ah,  I  wasn't  sure  you  were  here.  I 
wanted  to  ask  you  if  we'd  decided  rightly  about 
Scudamore. 

VANDEAN  (coming  R.O.).  Certainly,  sir.  He 
hasn't  (he  puts  his  hand  in  his  breeches  pocket) 
put  his  hand — 

MANGAN.  To  the  plough — to  the  plough,  Lucius, 
with  adequate — er — zeal.  He  must  wait.  By 
the  way,  we  haven't  done  anything  for  literature. 
Something  for  literature  is  rather  popular. 

VANDEAN  (deprecatingly) .  It  doesn't  do  to 
teach  'em  to  expect  it,  sir. 

MANGAN.  No,  no;  but  now  and  then.  If  you 
can  think  of  anybody  who  wouldn't  excite  general 
disapproval  in  literary  circles — 

VANDEAN.  I'll  look  about,  sir.  I  meet  some 
literary  fellows  at  one  of  my  clubs. 

MANGAN.  Nobody  risky.  Books  quite — quite, 
you  know!  It  isn't  as  if  we'd  only  London  so- 
ciety to  consider. 

VANDEAN.    I'll  be  careful,  sir. 

MANGAN.  And  above  all,  Lucius,  a  respectable 
man  in  private  life,  if  you  can  find  one. 

VANDEAN.     I'll  try  for  a  churchwarden. 

MANGAN.    Ah,  that's  overdoing  it.    Not  quite  so 
distinctively  religious,  please. 
6 


82  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

VANDEAN.  Don't  you  worry,  sir.  Leave  it  to 
me — I'll  find  you  a  safe  man. 

MANGAN.  Good.  (Sits  L.C.)  Then  that's 
done.  But  I  confess  to  one  doubt.  Have  we  ar- 
rived at  a  right  decision  about  Pilkerton?  You 
told  me  quite  properly  that  you  had  some  ac- 
quaintance with  the  man,  but  I  know  I  can  rely  on 
you  for  an  entirely  unbiassed  opinion. 

VANDEAN.  You  ask  my  honest  opinion,  sir.  At 
all  costs — if  necessary  at  the  cost  of  Miss —  of  Mr. 
Pilkerton's  friendship — I  must  give  it.  Pilkerton, 
no  more  than  Scudamore,  has  put  his  hand — 

MANGAN.  To  the  plough?  He  has  not.  There- 
fore he  is  not  within  the  scope  of  our — er — rules 
and  traditions. 

VANDEAN   (sighing).     Unfortunately  he  is  not. 

MANGAN.  So  much — that's  to  say  nothing — 
then  for  Pilkerton! 

VANDEAN.    No,  nothing  for  Pilkerton. 

MANGAN  (rising).  It's  a  comfort  to  have  it  off 
one's  mind  (going  up  to  door  'back).  I'm  going 
round  to  the  Foreign  Office.  Send  for  me  if  I'm 
wanted. 

VANDEAN.     Very  well,  sir.    [MANGAN  exits  "back. 
(Returning  to  his  desk).     So  much  for  Pil- 
kerton— and,  I  suppose,  so  much  for  me! 

[He  is  about  to  sit  at  desk,  when  IDA  enters  L. 
You  here,  Miss  Pilkerton  ? 

IDA.  Yes,  I — I  heard  your  voice,  and  so  I— 
came  in. 

VANDEAN  (coming  R.C.).  But  what  brings 
you  here? 

IDA.  I  don't  know.  Hetty  told  me  to  meet  her 
here.  She  said  it  was  most  important  we  should 
see  you.  Oh,  what  is  happening?  (She  comes  to 
€.).  Papa's  so  disagreeable  to  all  of  us,  but  in 
such  high  spirits,  and  Tie's  coming  here  too,  pres- 
ently. Do  you  know  what  it  all  means? 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  83 

VANDEAN  (coming  to  her).  Never  mind  what  it 
means.  Have  you  forgiven  me  for  last  night? 

IDA.  You  know  what  I  told  you;  I  said  I 
trusted  you. 

VANDEAN.  Yes,  I  know — it  was  splendid  of 
you.  But  that's  not  quite  satisfactory  as  a  perma- 
nent arrangement — not  to  either  of  us.  Ida,  I 
can  tell  you  I  love  you  now.  (He  takes  her  hand, 
puts  other  arm  round  her  waist,  and  draws  her  to 
him).  Do  you  think  you  can  love  me? 

IDA.  Yes,  I  think  I  can.  Because  I  (glancing 
at  his  arm)  thought  I  should  never  like  this — and 
now  somehow  I  do. 

VANDEAN.  My  darling!  (He  is  about  to  kiss 
her). 

IDA  (checking  him).  But  you  did  make  me 
rather  unhappy  last  night.  Why,  Lucius? 

VANDEAN.  I  was  on  parole.  I  had  promised 
your  father  not  to  make  love  to  you  last  night — 
while  I  was  in  his  house. 

IDA.  Ah,  you  were  on  your  honour!  I'm  so 
glad  I  trusted  you.  I  was  just  a  little  afraid  you 
meant  there  was — someone  else. 

VANDEAN.    There  could  be  nobody  else. 

IDA.  How  nice  you  are,  Lucius.  But  why  did 
papa — oh,  he  won't  forbid  it,  will  he? 

VANDEAN.  At  least  you  know  I  have  been  hon- 
est with  you  now. 

IDA.  Oh  yes,  but  tell  me — doesn't  papa  like 
you  ?  He's  always  spoken  so  highly  of  you. 

VANDEAN  (releasing  her).  The  fact  is,  Mr.  Pil- 
kerton  asked  me  to  do  something  I  couldn't  do. 
When  I  refused  he  said  that  our  acquaintance 
must  not  continue. 

IDA.     Not  continue?    He  meant — ? 

VANDEAN.  He  meant  that  I  mustn't  love  you  or 
hope  to  win  you,  Ida. 

IDA.    But  you  do  love  me? 


84  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

VANDEAN.    Yes. 

IDA.     Then  you'd  do  what  he  asked  for  me? 

VANDEAN.  You  wouldn't  say  so  if  you  knew 
what  it  was. 

IDA  (reproachfully).  Is  there  anything  you 
wouldn't  do  for  my  love? 

VANDEAN.  I  can't  have  you  thinking  that.  I 
must  tell  you,  Ida.  There's  been  some  talk  of 
your  father  being  made  a  peer. 

IDA.     Papa  a  peer !    Oh,  how  lovely ! 

VANDEAN.  And  he  asked  me  to  use  my  influence 
with  my  Chief  to  help  him  in  the  matter. 

IDA.  Yes,  yes,  you  could,  of  course!  And 
you're  in  love  with  me,  so  it's  quite  natural.  How 
beautifully  it  all  works  out,  Lucius! 

VANDEAN.  I  don't  think  you  quite  understand. 
Mr.  Pilkerton  asked  me,  as  the  price  of  my  being 
allowed  to  pay  my  addresses  to  you,  to  use  my 
influence — my  private  influence — with  my  Chief 
on  his  behalf. 

IDA.  Well,  dear  Lucius,  on  whose  behalf  could 
you  better  use  it? 

VANDEAN.  To  get  him  a  distinction  to  which  on 
public  grounds  he  has  no  sufficient — 

IDA.     Oh,  I  know  nothing  about  that — 

VANDEAN.     Dearest,  I  have  to  consider — 

IDA.  I  really  think  you  might  have  done  a  little 
thing  like  that  for  dear  papa,  and  for  me. 

VANDEAN.  Do  you  remember  what  you  said  at 
teatime,  yesterday?  You  were  aghast  at  the  idea 
of  interest  having  any  weight.  Merit  was  the  only 
claim  you  allowed. 

IDA.  And  hasn't  papa  got  merit?  Do  you  dare 
to  say  that? 

VANDEAN.  You  were  scandalised  to  hear  that 
people  asked  for  honours.  You  went  so  far  as  to 
term  that  cadging. 

IDA.    Yes,  I  did.    The  wretches  do  cadge — and 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  85 

nobody  will  say  a  word  for  men  of  real  distinction 
like  papa. 

VANDEAN.     But  my  point  is,  dearest — 

IDA.  No!  Oh,  I'd  have  forgiven  you  anything 
dreadful.  I  don't  mind  dreadful  things  so  much. 
But  this  is,  oh,  so  mean! 

VANDEAN.     Mean  ? 

IDA.  Yes,  not  to  think  my  love  worth  one  little 
word  to  Mr.  Mangan. 

VANDEAN.     But  it  wouldn't  have  been  honest. 

IDA.     Honest !    Oh,  I  don't  think  you're  much  in 

love.  [VANDEAN  is  about  to  come  to  Tier. 

No,  don't  come  near  me,  please.     (She  moves 

down  to  L.,  leaving  him  C.).       [HETTY  enters  L. 

Oh,  Hetty,  what  do  you  think? 

HETTY.     Has  Lucius  told  you? 

IDA.  Yes,  he's  told  me.  I  could  never  have  be- 
lieved it.  He  won't  do  anything  for  papa!  Do 
you  call  that  love,  Hetty? 

HETTY.  No,  and  I  don't  call  it  friendship 
either.  Why,  Lucius,  you  know  my  happiness  and 
Jack's — 

IDA.     And  my  happiness  and — 

HETTY.  Are  at  stake — and  unless  we  can  do 
this  for  Pilkerton — 

VANDEAN.  Ladies,  ladies — I  must  beg  you  to 
consider  the  public  interest — my  public  honour. 

HETTY.     What's  that  compared  to  friendship? 

IDA.    Or  to  love? 

VANDEAN.  The  confidence  the  Chief  has  in 
me — 

HETTY.  Oh,  if  you  prefer  that  to  my  friend- 
ship! 

IDA.     And  to  my  love ! 

VANDEAN.  My  duty  is  to  give  him  an  honest 
opinion. 

HETTY  (coming  to  him).  You  will  do  it  for  us, 
Lucius?  [Lays  her  hand  on  his  arm. 


86  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

IDA  (coming  to  Mm).  At  least,  you'll  do  it 
for  me,  Lucius?  [Lays  her  hand  on  his  arm. 

VANDEAN.     The  public  service! 

HETTY.     Oh,  bother  the  public  service! 

IDA.  Imagine  thinking  of  it  now,  when  such 
important  things  are  at  stake! 

VANDEAN     (vehemently).     I  answer — no! 

[They  withdraw  their  hands  and  turn  away, 
IDA  to  R.,  HETTY  to  L.  €.,  leaving  him  C. 
Both  take  out  their  handkerchiefs  and 
dab  their  eyes.  VANDEAN  looks  despair- 
ingly from  one  to  the  other.  A  short 
pause.  JACK  puts  his  head  in  at  door  L. 

JACK  (gloomily).    Hullo! 

VANDEAN  (savagely).    Hullo! 

[JACK  comes  slowly  in  and  stands  down  L. 

JACK.     This  is  a  pretty  go,  isn't  it? 

VANDEAN.     Yes,  it  is. 

HETTY   (half  sobbing).    Yes,  it  is. 

IDA  (half  sobbing).    Yes,  it  is. 

JACK.     I  mean  about  Bascom,  you  know. 

IDA  AND  HETTY.    Mr.  Bascom? 

VANDEAN.  What's  Bascom  got  to  do  with  it,  I 
should  like  to  know. 

JACK.  The  old  man's  made  him  manager  at 
Wrensford  after  all. 

VANDEAN.  Well,  I'm  glad  somebody's  having  a 
bit  of  luck. 

JACK.     So  he's  resigned  his  seat,  you  know. 

VANDEAN  (starting).  What?  Resigned  his — 
Bascom's  resigned  his — ? 

JACK.  That's  the  old  man's  game — I  saw  it  di- 
rectly. 

VANDEAN.    Heavens,  does  he  mean  to  stand? 

JACK.     Well,  that  depends    on    the    peerage,  j 
doesn't  it? 

VANDEAN.    Good  Lord !    If  he  doesn't  get  it —     j 

liti  •  ' 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  8T 

JACK.  He'll  stand  against  you,  and  there  are 
1,500  men  in  our  works,  Vandean. 

VANDEAN.     Well,  of  all  the  scandalous — ! 

IDA.  Oh,  it's  all  your  fault,  Mr.  Vandean.  If 
you'd — if  you'd  behaved  properly,  it  need  never 
have  happened. 

HETTY.     Now  Mr.  Pilkerton'll  get  his  peerage — 

VANDEAN.     Get  his  peerage? 

JACK.  Well,  he's  got  you  on  toast  now,  hasn't  he? 

HETTY.  Yes,  he'll  get  it,  and  no  thanks  to  any 
of  us,  he'll  say,  won't  he,  Jack? 

JACK.    Just  what  the  old  man  will  say. 

IDA.  There,  Mr.  Vandean,  see  what  you've 
brought  us  to  now  with  your — your — 

HETTY.  Your  nonsense  about  public  honour, 
Lucius. 

IDA.  If  you'd  got  it  for  him,  he'd  have  been 
grateful,  and — 

HETTY.  We  could  have  been  happy.  Oh,  I  hate 
you,  Lucius! 

JACK.  You  have  made  a  bit  of  a  fool  of  your- 
self, Vandean. 

VANDEAN.  Oh,  go  on,  go  on.  This  is  the  reward 
an  honourable  public  servant  gets!  (Darts  down 
to  desk  l)y  IDA).  Excuse  me. 

IDA.    Don't  come  here,  please. 

VANDEAN.  I  must.  I  want  "  Dod."  (Finds 
"Dod"  on  desk).  What's  Bascom's  majority. 
(Searches) .  193 !  Good  Lord !  And  1,500  men  in 
your  works — and  Patagonia  in  the  devil  of  a  mess ! 
(He  looks  round  despairingly).  We  can't  afford 
to  lose  the  seat ! 

JACK.    The  old  man's  a  holy  terror,  isn't  he? 

VANDEAN.  Yes,  he  is.  (Crosses  quickly  down 
to  door  L.  and  opens  it).  Addisworth! 

ADDISWORTH   (off  L.).  Hullo! 

VANDEAN.  Run  round  to  the  Foreign  Office  and 
tell  the  Chief  I  want  him. 


88  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

ADDISWORTH  (off).  He  ain't  the  butler,  you 
know. 

VANDEAN.  Oh,  confound  it,  you  know!  Say 
critical  business  has  arisen — beg  him  to  come. 
And  send  a  messenger  to  Bascom,  and  tell  him  to 
come  here  directly. 

ADDISWORTH.     Right  you  are! 

[VANDEAN  closes  door  and  returns  to  C. 

VANDEAN  (stiffly).  Excuse  me  if  I  seem  dis- 
courteous, but  I  should  not  wish  the  Prime  Min- 
ister to  find  this  pleasant  little  party  here. 

HETTY.  Oh,  we  may  as  well  go!  It's  all  over 
now.  (Going  down  to  JACK).  Come  along,  Jack 
dear.  I  daresay  we  shall  never  have  a  chance  of 
being  together  again. 

JACK.    The  old  man  is  a  terror. 

IDA.     I'm  going  to  stay  and  see  it  through. 

HETTY.  Oh,  very  well.  We'll  wait  in  Harry 
Addisworth's  room,  then.  But  there's  really  no 
hope,  you  know.  Come  along,  Jack. 

[HETTY  goes  off  L.,  followed  ~by  JACK,  leaving 
door  ajar.  IDA  comes  to  C.,  as  though  to 
follow  them.  VANDEAN  comes  down  a 
little  and  intercepts  her. 

VANDEAN.     Why  have  you  been  so  hard  to  me? 

IDA.  I  don't  know — well,  I — I  suppose  because 
I  wanted  to  be  something  else. 

VANDEAN.     You  did,  Ida?    Well  then—? 

IDA.     Oh,  but  what's  the  use,  now?    Papa'll  get 

it  in  spite  of  you  and 

[She  makes  a  gesture  of  despair. 

VANDEAN.  But  if  he  got  in  through  me  after 
all? 

IDA.    What,  you  would  do  it? 

VANDEAN.     I  mean,  if  he  thought  he  did  ? 

IDA.     What? 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  89 

VANDEAN.     Hush,  I  hear  steps !    Quick ! 

[Taking  her  down  L. 

IDA.     Do  try  somehow — for  my  sake,  Lucius! 
[She  gives  him  her  hand,  then  goes  off  L. 
hastily. 

VANDEAN  (coming  back  to  L.).  It's  all  very 
well  to  say  try,  but — (He  comes  to  L.  'by  desk  and 
turns  as  door  hack  opens  and  ADDISWORTH  enters. 
He  looks  radiant).  Well? 

ADDISWORTH  (coming  to  (7.).  All  right,  I  found 
the  Chief,  and  I  got  Bascom  on  the  telephone. 
They'll  both  be  here  directly.  (Down  to  L.C.). 
I  say,  isn't  this  gorgeous? 

VANDEAN.    Gorgeous  ? 

ADDISWORTH.  Old  Pilkerton's  a  nailer — on  my 
word  he  is.  He's  stuck  you  up  this  time — no 
error. 

VANDEAN.  Your  attitude  is  scarcely  sympa- 
thetic, if  I  may  make  the  remark,  Addisworth. 

ADDISWORTH.  Well,  you  see,  old  chap,  it  suits 
my  book  to  a  T.  A  bye-election  in  the  Wrensford 
Division  is  just  what  I  want. 

VANDEAN.     What  you  want? 

ADDISWORTH.  Yes.  My  governor's  got  land 
there — our  place  is  just  on  the  borders,  you  know, 
and  land  means  tenants  and  tenants  mean  votes — 
we  all  know  all  about  that,  eh,  Van?  My  chance 
of  the  C.B.  looks  a  bit  rosier,  I  fancy. 

VANDEAN.     Of  all  the  beastly  selfishness — ! 

ADDISWORTH.  Oh,  rot !  I  say,  you  won't  queer 
it,  will  you? 

VANDEAN.    I  shall  have  nothing  to  do  with  it. 

ADDISWORTH.  Oh,  yes,  you  will.  You  see,  if  the 
governor — (Door  opens  hack).  Gad,  the  Chief! 

[Skips  to  his  desk,  sits  and  writes  hard. 
Enter  MANGAN  at  hack  and  comes  down 
C. 


90  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

MANGAN  (very  flustered).  What's  this  I  hear, 
Lucius?  What's  this  about  Bascom? 

VANDEAN.  It's  true,  sir;  he's  going  to  resign. 
It's  disgustingly  inconsiderate. 

MANGAN.  Your  language  is  too  mild — much  too 
mild.  It's  rank  treason.  A  bye-election  with  a 
majority  of  eleven — and  this  infern — er — unfortu- 
nate Patagonian  affair  just  at  a  crisis!  What 
was  the  majority  last  time? 

VANDEAN.    A  hundred-and-ninety-three,  sir. 

MANGAN.  At  the  present  time,  Lucius,  not 
enough.  And  a  defeat  would  not  only  be  most 
embarrassing  to  us,  but  it  would  be  highly  injuri- 
ous to  the  course  of  our  diplomacy  in  Patagonia. 

VANDEAN.  Our  man  will  say  that  at  the  elec- 
tion, for  what  it's  worth,  of  course,  but  I'm  afraid 
it  won't  have  much  influence  with  Bascom. 

MANGAN.  It's  atrocious!  (Comes  down  L.C.). 
Ah,  you're  there,  Addisworth.  Hard  at  work,  as 
usual  ? 

ADDISWORTH.  Awful  stress  just  now,  sir.  But 
I  tackle  it,  I  tackle  it. 

MANGAN.     I  was  like  you  in  my  youth. 

ADDISWORTH.  I'm  very  proud  to  hear  that, 
sir. 

VANDEAN.  The  fact  is — this  is  Pilkerton's  do- 
ing. 

MANGAN.     What?    Is  it  possible — ? 

VANDEAN.  He's  induced  Bascom  to  resign. 
He's  got  big  works  in  the  division — he  means  to 
stand  against  us  himself  unless  we — 

MANGAN.  It's  an  unscrupulous  plot.  Addis- 
worth,  you  see  what  comes  of  allowing  personal 
interests  to  affect  political  action.  Take  warning 
by  it. 

ADDISWORTH.    Yes,  I  will,  sir. 

[He  is  writing  hard  and  answers  without 
looking  up. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  91 

VANDEAN.  But  what  are  we  to  do  about  it,  sir? 
I've  sent  for  Bascom. 

MANGAN.  Quite  right.  I  had — I  say  I  had — a 
great  respect  for  Mr.  Bascom.  I  was  prepared — 
it  has  long  been  in  my  mind — I  don't  know 
whether  I  ever  mentioned  it  to  you,  Lucius — to 
seek  some  means  of  marking  my  high  opinion  of 
his  abilities. 

VANDEAN.  Yes,  yes,  sir — certainly.  If  you 
didn't  actually  mention  it 

MANGAN.  At  any  rate,  I  made  a  note  of  it  in 
my  own  mind. 

VANDEAN.    Yes,  I  remember  you  doing  that,  sir. 

MANGAN.     And  even  now,  if  Bascom — 

[Enter  JENKINS  at  'bade,  MANGAN  turns. 

JENKINS.      Mr.  Bascom  to  see  Mr.  Vandean. 
MANGAN.      Show  him  up  immediately,  Jenkins. 

[Exit  JENKINS.     ADDISWORTH  rises. 

No,  no,  don't  move,  Addisworth.  There's  nothing 
you  shouldn't  hear. 

ADDISWORTH.  Thank  you,  sir.  I'm  particularly 
interested,  of  course,  because  my  father  owns  a 
lot  of  land  in  the  division. 

MANGAN.     Eh  ? 

ADDISWORTH.  I  should  think  he's  got  as  much 
influence  there  as  anybody,  except  Mr.  Pilkerton. 

MANGAN  (glancing  at  VANDEAN  slowly).  Oh, 
has  he?  I  heard  he  wasn't  very  pleased  with  us 
about  Patagonia? 

ADDISWORTH.  Well,  I  can't  altogether  deny 
that,  sir,  but  I'm  going  to  send  him  the  exposition 
of  policy  you  were  kind  enough  to  give  me — I've 
got  it  all  down  in  my  diary — and  I  hope,  I  really 
hope,  I  may  be  able  to  induce  him  to  re-consider 
his  decision. 

MANGAN.     His  decision? 

ADDISWORTH.    He  was  saying  he  couldn't  sup- 


92  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

port  the  Government  if  an  election  were  to  hap- 
pen now,  but — 

[JENKINS  enters  lack. 
JENKINS    Mr.  Bascom. 

[Exit  JENKINS.  Enter  BASCOM,  who  stands 
up  back,  looking  embarrassed.  MANGAN 
at  once  goes  up  to  him  with  great  cordi- 
ality. 

MANGAN.  My  dear  Mr.  Bascom,  I'm  delighted 
— delighted  to  see  you.  (Puts  his  arm  through  his 
and  "brings  him  down  to  C.  Puts  BASCOM  into 
chair  C.  ADDISWORTH  puts  a  chair  for  MANGAN. 
MANGAN  and  BASCOM  sit.  ADDISWORTH  is  at  desk 
R.,  VANDEAN  L.).  Now  what  is  this  I  hear?  We 
could  hardly  believe  it,  could  we,  Lucius? 

VANDEAN.    We  refused  to  credit  it,  sir. 

MANGAN.  Such  a  premature  ending  to  such  a 
career ! 

BASCOM.     I'm  very  sorry,  sir,  but — 

MANGAN.  Only  the  other  day  I  was  saying  to 
Lucius — you  remember,  Lucius? 

VANDEAN.    Oh  yes,  sir. 

MANGAN.  That  Bascom  might  look  forward  to 
anything.  I  was  promising  myself  an  opportunity 
— an  early — indeed  an  immediate  opportunity  of 
marking  my  appreciation  of  your  abilities  and 
your  promise.  Talents  like  yours  combined  with 
such  geniality  of  manner  (ADDISWORTH  giggles, 
they  all  look.  He  coughs  and  scribbles  hurriedly 

again) such  geniality  of  manner  were 

bound  to  carry  you  far.  Many  even  less  gifted 
have  attained — (he  glances  at  VANDEAN  who  nods 
approvingly) — the  honour  of  knighthood — (pause 
— BASCOM  shakes  his  head  gloomily) — or  even  the 
er — (MANGAN  looks  at  VANDEAN  again,  VANDEAN 
nods  again) — the — er — Gabriel  and  Joseph — 
(pause,  BASCOM  shakes  his  head  sadly) — or  even 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  93 

— yes,  even  the — (glances  at  VANDEAN  who.  nods 
again) — yes,  even  the  Bath  at  an  early  age.  (Re- 
leases BASCOM'S  arm).  Yes,  even  the  C.B.  (BAS- 
COM  shakes  his  head) — I  mean — yes,  the  K.C.B. 

[ADDISWORTH   looks    up,    grins    and    listens 
again. 

BASCOM.  You're  uncommonly  good,  sir,  but  I 
can't  refuse  £1,500  a  year.  Every  man  for  him- 
self, sir. 

MANGAN.  No,  no,  Bascom,  no,  no,  every  man 
for  the  country,  Bascom !  The  prospects  I  nave — 
er — indicated — 

BASCOM.  My  prospect  was  the  Bankruptcy 
Court,  Mr.  Mangan. 

MANGAN.  Oh,  tut,  tut,  you  could  tide  over — eh, 
Lucius? 

VANDEAN.  Till  the  General  Election,  sir.  Of 
course  he  could. 

MANGAN.  And  then  perhaps  we  might  find 
something — er — that  is  to  say — we  might  utilize 
your  services  in — in — 

VANDEAN.  In  some  public  employment  carrying 
emolument. 

MANGAN.  Quite  so,  Lucius,  quite  so.  Substan- 
tial emolument.  Think  of  that,  Bascom. 

BASCOM.     I  want  to  get  married — 

MANGAN.  Well,  well,  the  ladies  never  object  to 
— to  a  title,  do  they? 

BASCOM.    They  like  an  income  still  better. 

VANDEAN.  But  both,  Bascom,  my  boy !  ( Going 
to  BASCOM). 

BASCOM.    Not  for  two  years,  though. 

[BASCOM  rises.    MANGAN  rises  and  takes  BAS- 
COM'S  arm.    ADDISWORTH  puts  chair  l)ack. 
MANGAN.    Come,  come,  think  over  it.    Give  am- 
bition its  due,  patriotism  its  weight — friendship 
• — our  friendship — ah,  I  see  you  waver! 


94:  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

BASCOM.  I  acknowledge — I  feel  the  generosity 
— the  kind  appreciation — 

MANGAN.  Not  a  word  beyond  what  I  feel — not 
a  word,  Bascom. 

BASCOM.  And  I  should  be  inclined  to  yield  to 
your  representations,  but  my  word  is  pledged  to 
Mr.  Pilkerton.  Besides,  £1,500  a  year — 

[Enter  JENKINS  'back  with  a  telegram  on  a 
salver.  He  comes  down  L.,  and  gives  it 
to  VANDEAN,  then  goes  up  and  off  again. 
VANDEAN  tears  open  telegram. 

VANDEAN  (reading).  Shall  call  12.30— Pilker- 
ton. 

MANGAN.    Pilkerton ! 
ADDISWORTH   (in  whisper).     Pilkerton! 
BASCOM       (frightened) .      Pilkerton — Pilkerton 
coming  here!     (Looking  at  watch).    In  ten  min- 
utes !    I — I  can't  meet  him  here. 

[Turns  and  makes  for  door.     MANGAN  darts 

after  BASCOM,  catching  his  coat  tails. 
MANGAN.     Mr.  Bascom,  pray,  pray! 
BASCOM   (pulling  away) — No,  no,  I  daren't  meet 
Mr.   Pilkerton.     He'd   think — I   must  really   go. 
It's  £1,500  a  year! 

[ADDISWORTH  rises  and  watches  the  struggle 

with  amusment. 
MANGAN.     But  the  K.C.B. ! 
VANDEAN.     And  the  post  carrying  emolument! 
BASCOM.    £1,500  a  year! 

[He  breaks  away  from  MANGAN  and  hurries 

up  back;  he  gets  half-way  out. 
MANGAN.     Heavens,  you  might  rise  to — 
BASCOM   (putting  his  head  in  again).     I  may 
rise  to  £5,000  a  year ! 

[Exit.  MANGAN  raises  his  hands  and  drops 
them  in  despair,  sinking  then  into  chair 
R.C. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  95 

VANDEAN  (grimly}.    Now  for  Pilkerton! 

ADDISWORTH.    And  a  bye-election  at  Wrensford ! 

MANGAN.  Eh?  (ADDISWORTH  sits  and  writes 
again.  MANGAN  rises  slowly).  A  bye-election  in 
the  Wrensford  division!  (He  comes  to  R.C.). — er 
— Addisworth — you  won't  forget  to  send  that  ex- 
position of  policy  to  the  Duke? 

[VANDEAN  goes  and  sits  L.  and  busies  himself 
with  papers. 

ADDISWORTH  (rising  and  coming  to  MANGAN). 
I  won't,  sir.  I  had  a  letter  from  my  father  this 
morning,  sir.  He  asked  specially  after  your  health 
— a  life  so  valuable  to  the  Empire,  he  expressed  it. 

MANGAN.  Very  kind  of  the  Duke.  I  hope  he's 
well? 

ADDISWORTH.  First  chop — first  class,  I  mean. 
He  said  it  would  be  the  greatest  pleasure  of  his 
life  to  know  I  was  giving  you  satisfaction,  sir. 

MANGAN.  You  may  certainly  tell  him  that, 
Addisworth. 

ADDISWORTH.  And  that  any  mark  of  approval 
(VANDEAN  looks  up  and  across,  smiles  sardonically 
and  returns  to  his  papers) — you  showed  me  he 
should  consider  as  shown  to  himself — only  a  great 
deal  more  so.  He's  so  fond  of  me,  dear  old  father ! 

MANGAN.  You  don't  think  he's — er — irrecon- 
cilable about  Patagonia? 

ADDISWORTH.    I  think  he  must  be  convinced  by 
what  you  say,  sir.      \ 
.    MANGAN.     Add  your  own  arguments,  too. 

ADDISWORTH.  Well,  he  has  begun  to  listen  to 
me  a  little  since  he  knew  you  were  so  good  as  to 
think  well  of  me. 

MANGAN.  Of  course,  this — er — bye-election 
gives — er — an  immediate  interest  to  his — er — • 
views — eh,  Lucius?  (Turns  to  VANDEAN). 

VANDEAN.    Yes,  sir. 


96  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

ADDISWORTH.  I  think  I  can  bring  him  round 
all  right,  sir. 

MANGAN.  I'm  much  obliged  to  you,  Addis- 
worth,  genuinely  obliged  to  you.  Lucius,  a  word 
with  you.  (He  goes  to  L.C.  VANDEAN  joins  him) . 
We  needn't  keep  you  from  ^our  work,  Addisworth. 

[ADDISWORTH  returns  to  desk  and  sits.  MAN- 
CAN  and  VANDEAN  talk  in  whispers. 
ADDISWORTH  gradually  rises  to  listen,  till 
he  rests  his  hands  on  top  of  desk  and 
leans  over,  eyes  wide  open,  trying  hard  to 
hear.  MANGAN  and  VANDEAN  talk  for  a 
little  without  any  words  toeing  audible. 
Then  they  half  whisper. 

VANDEAN.  Duke  has  a  lot  of  influence  locally, 
of  course. 

MANGAN.  And  a  crotchetty  beggar — very 
crotchetty ! 

VANDEAN.  Nasty  about  the  Garter,  sir,  that's 
the  truth.  He'd  be  glad  to  give  us  a  dig. 

MANGAN.  Yes,  yes.  (Whispers  again) .  Cheap, 
if  it—? 

VANDEAN.    If  it  squared  him,  yes. 

MANGAN.    And  he's  a  nice  boy. 

VANDEAN.     Well,  why  not,  sir? 

MANGAN.  After  all,  it's  neither  here  nor  there, 
is  it?  Not  when  there's  a  chance  of  saving  a  seat. 

VANDEAN.     Oh  no,  it  really  isn't. 

MANGAN.    Then  I  think  we  will. 

[VANDEAN  turns  back  and  sits  again.  ADDIS- 
WORTH sinks  hastily  into  his  chair  and 
writes  hard.  MANGAN  comes  C. 

Addisworth ! 

[ADDISWORTH  writes  hard.  MANGAN  raises 
his  voice. 

Addisworth ! 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  97 

ADDISWORTH  (jumping  up).  I  beg  your  pardon, 
sir.  I  was  so  engrossed  in  my  work.  Do  you 
want  me? 

MANGAN.  It  has  been  in  my  mind  for  a  long 
while — for  a  very  long  while — and  indeed  I've 
spoken  to  Lucius  about  it — to  give  you  some  mark 
of  my  satisfaction  with  your  services.  (Puts  his 
hand  on  ADDISWORTH'S  shoulder.)  Devotion  to 
public  service  in  young  men  of  your  position  must 
not  go  unrewarded — and  it  will  be  an  additional 
pleasure  to  me  to  think  that  I  am  gladdening  a 
father's  heart.  I  shall  have  unfeigned  pleasure  in 
recommending  you  for  the  Companionship  of  the 
Bath. 

ADDISWORTH.  Oh,  sir,  you — you  positively  over- 
whelm me.  Such  a  reward  for  my  poor  services — 
such  a  mark  of  your  esteem!  I — I  don't  know 
what  to  say.  I  never  thought  of  such  a  thing,  sir, 
never  in  my  wildest  dreams ! 

MANGAN.  Not  another  word,  my  dear  boy. 
Your  modesty  is  very  graceful,  very  graceful. 
Now  I  won't  keep  you ;  you'll  want  to  write  to  the 
Duke.  Don't  forget  to  give  him  my  cordial  good 
wishes,  and  my  congratulations  on  the  distinction 
you  have  so  deservedly  achieved.  (Shakes  hands 
with  ADDISWORTH). 

ADDISWORTH.  I  won't  lose  a  moment,  sir — and 
from  the  bottom  of  my  heart  I  thank  you. 

[MANGAN  turns  aside  for  a  moment  to  "blow 
his  nose.  ADDISWORTH  seizes  the  oppor- 
tunity to  make  a  grimace  at  VANDEAN 
and  dance  a  step;  as  MANGAN  turns  back 
he  recovers  himself  and  goes  off  decor- 
ously L.  VANDEAN  has  been  smiling 
grimly  through  this. 

MANGAN.  That  ought  to  make  the  Duke  all 
right,  eh,  Lucius? 

7 


98  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

VANDEAN.  I  think  so,  sir.  But  now  for  Pilker- 
ton! 

MANGAN.    I  think  I'd  better  see  Pilkerton. 

VANDEAN.  Would  you  mind  leaving  him  to  me 
— at  first,  anyhow,  sir? 

MANGAN.  Perhaps  that  will  be  better.  If  I  saw 
him  directly  we  should — 

VANDEAN.     Rather  give  ourselves  away. 

MANGAN.  But  I'll  put  off  going  to  the  House 
and  wait  in  my  room.  (Goes  up  to  door  R.) 

VANDEAN.  If  he  asks  about  the — er — peerage, 
sir? 

MANGAN.  About  the  peerage?  Oh!  Ah!  Yes. 
Well  now — let's  see.  If  he  asks  about  the  peerage, 
you  must  say  that  we  never  give  any  information 
one  way  or  the  other — one  way  or  the  other, 
Lucius — until  the  list  in  its  entirety  has  received 
the  requisite  approval. 

VANDEAN  (smiling).    I'm  to  tell  him  that,  sir? 

MANGAN.    Yes,  yes,  I  think  so,  Lucius. 

VANDEAN.    Oh,  if  you  think  proper,  sir. 

MANGAN.  Come  and  see  me  when  he's  gone. 
(He  opens  door). 

VANDEAN.  Excuse  me,  sir,  but  if  it  seemed  ad- 
visable that  he  should  see  you — ? 

MANGAN.  Oh,  I'll  see  him.  It's  no  moment  to 
stand  on  trifles.  You'll  make  a  great  favour  of  it, 
of  course. 

VANDEAN.    You  may  trust  me  for  that. 

[MANGAN  nods  and  goes   off  R.     VANDEAN 
takes  up  Dod  and  glances  at  it.    IDA  puts 
her  head  out  L. 
Ida! 

IDA.  Oh,  is  there  any  hope  for  us?  (She  comes 
just  inside). 

VANDEAN  (going  tQ  her).  I  (Jon't  know.  It's 
pretty  desperate. 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  99 

IDA.  Hush!  Somebody's  coming!  Oh,  do  try 
something,  Lucius,  for  my  sake,  try ! 

[She  goes  out  hastily,  closing  door. 
VANDEAN.    By  Jove,  I'll  try. 

[He  turns  as  door  at  "back  opens,  and  JENKINS 
enters. 

JENKINS.    Mr.  Pilkerton  to  see  you,  sir. 
VANDEAN.    I'll  ring  when  I'm  ready. 

[Exit  JENKINS. 

(At   telephone  L.).     Addisworth are  you 

there? Addisworth,  I  want  you  to  ring 

me  up  in  about  two  minutes — don't  fail — you  un- 
derstand— eh,  who  are  you  to  be — Mansion  House 
— !  eh?  Yes, — bluff!  (Puts  down  receiver). 

[Rings  bell — pause — then  enter  JENKINS  fol- 
lowed ~by  PILKERTON. 

JENKINS.     Mr.  Pilkerton,  sir! 

[Exit  JENKINS. 
PILKERTON.    Good  morning! 

[VANDEAN  bows  and  crosses  to  R.C.,  indicat- 
ing chair  L.C.  PILKERTON  comes  down, 
puts  hat  and  umbrella  on  top  of  desk 
L.,  seats  himself  and  pulls  off  his  gloves. 

PILKERTON.  My  visit,  Mr.  Vandean,  is  purely 
on  business. 

VANDEAN.  After  last  night,  so  I  should  pre- 
sume. 

PILKERTON.  You  have  no  doubt  heard  of  the 
step  our  friend  Bascom  has  taken?  I  found 
myself  able  to  offer  him  a  good  berth  in  my  busi- 
ness. 

VANDEAN.  Very  kind  of  you,  Mr.  Pilkerton. 
(Sits  at  ADDISWORTH'S  desk). 

PILKERTON.     But  of  course  it  was  out  of  the 


100  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

question  that  he  should  continue  in  Parliament. 
You  can  see  that  for  yourself. 

VANDEAN  (shrugging  his  shoulders).  Purely  a 
question  for  you  and  for  him.  (Seals  a  letter). 

PILKERTON.    I  can  speak  to  you  plainly? 

VANDEAN.  Really  I  must  leave  to  you  the  re- 
sponsibility for  the  mode  of  speech  you  think  fit  to 
adopt. 

PILKERTON.  The  vacancy  at  Wrensford  has 
created  a  peculiar  situation. 

VANDEAN.  Hardly  that,  surely?  Bye-elections 
are  not  uncommon  incidents  (Addresses  envel- 
ope). 

PILKERTON.  For  me,  I  mean.  Mr.  Vandean, 
are  you  able  to  give  me  any  information  about 
my — er — prospects?  If  you  could  it  would  make 
my  path  clear. 

VANDEAN  (very  gravely).  I'm  afraid  not. 
(Telephone  rings).  Excuse  me!  (Crosses  L.  to 
desk  and  takes  up  receiver).  Who's  that?  Eh — 
oh ! — oh ! — the  Mansion  House? — No — question 
finally  settled — can't  bring  it  before  the  Prime 
Minister  again.  (Puts  down  receiver) .  We  never 
give  any  information  one  way  or  the  other — one 
way  or  the  other,  Mr.  Pilkerton — until  the  list  in 
its  entirety  has  received  the  requisite  approval. 

PILKERTON.  But  the  bye-election  will  be  de- 
cided before  then? 

VANDEAN  (carelessly).  Oh,  yes!  (Telephone 
rings  frantically).  What,  Addisworth? — stop, 
you  young  fool !  (Puts  it  down). 

PILKERTON.  Mr.  Vandean,  if  I  can't  be  in  one 
house  of  the  Legislature,  I  mean  to  be  in  the  other. 

VANDEAN.     Very  laudable. 

PILKERTON.  Bascom's  majority  was — you  know 
what. 

VANDEAN.  Bascom's  majority?  Oh,  we'll  have 
a  look  in  Dod.  Why,  where  is  Dod  ?  I  know  I've 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  101 

seen  it  in  the  last  day  or  two  (rummaging  about 
his  desk,  incidentally  shoving  Dod  under  papers) . 

PILKERTON.  Let  me  save  you  the  trouble.  It 
was  193.  Since  that  date  I  have  established  large 
works  in  the  division.  I  employ  1,500  men.  1,345 
of  them  have  now  been  put  on  the  register  and  are 
entitled  to  vote. 

VANDEAN.  Very  creditable  to  keep  your  em- 
ployed long  enough  for  'em  to  get  on  the  register. 

PILKERTON.  It's  not  unnatural  to  suppose  that 
they  would  give  a  preference  to  their  employer. 

VANDEAN  (apparently  surprised).  What!  You 
think  of  standing  yourself? 

PILKERTON.  Yes,  and  I  could  undoubtedly  se- 
cure my  adoption  as  candidate. 

VANDEAN.  I'm  sure  the  Chief  would  be  de- 
lighted to  welcome  you  to  our  ranks.  I  presume 
that  is  what  you  have  come  to  suggest? 

PILKERTON  (smiling).  One  moment ;  in  view  of 
the  Patagonian  imbroglio,  I  couldn't  conscienti- 
ously stand  as  a  supporter  of  the  Ministry. 

VANDEAN.  You  would  stand  for  the  Opposition  ? 
Well,  then — excuse  me — aren't  you  calling  at  the 
wrong  address? 

PILKERTON.  Wait  a  bit.  I  have  my  convictions, 
but  I'm  not  such  an  ardent  politician  as  to  let 
my  views  come  before  the  natural  affections.  If 
from  any  cause — from  any  cause  whatever — I 
should  be  unable  to  stand,  I  should  not  thwart 
Jack's  desire  to  be  in  Parliament.  Indeed  I  should 
give  him  my  energetic  support.  Now  Jack  is  a 
convinced  Ministerialist. 

VANDEAN.  Oh,  Jack's  a  Ministerialist?  I  see! 
Patagonia  hasn't  shaken  Jack? 

PILKERTON.    No.    Jack's  firm  as  a  rock. 

VANDEAN.  But  what  of  the  1,345,  Mr.  Pilker- 
ton? 

PILKERTON.    My  employes  are  much  attached  to 


102  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

the  family.  In  short,  either  I  stand  against  you 
with  the  1,345  or  Jack  stands  for  you  with  the 
1,345.  And  either  of  us  could  carry  the  seat. 

VANDEAN.  I  see.  (He  walks  across  to  R.C., 
turns  and  faces  PILKERTON  who  turns  towards 
him).  What  does  all  this  lead  up  to,  Mr.  Pilker- 
ton? 

PILKERTON.  I  think  you  see  that,  really.  What 
about  my  peerage?  (Slight  pause). 

VANDEAN.  Am  I  to  understand  that  you  have 
— devised — this  position  ? 

PILKERTON.  You  must  form  your  own  opinion 
as  to  that.  (Rises  and  comes  down  to  R.)  You 
can't  afford  to  lose  the  seat.  Come,  can't  I  have 
a  little  information  now? 

VANDEAN.     And  you  use  this  position  as  a  lever? 

PILKERTON  (leaning  against  "back  of  desk  R. 
and  folding  his  arms).  In  point  of  fact  now — 
aren't  you  in  a  corner?  (Pause.  PILKERTON 
leans  on  desk  and  smiles  triumphantly). 

VANDEAN.  I'm  not  inclined  to  be  hard  on  you, 
Mr.  Pilkerton. 

PILKERTON  (leaning  a  little  forward).    What? 

VANDEAN.  It's  perhaps  not  unnatural — how- 
ever regrettable  it  may  be — that  you  should  look 
at  every  thing  from  a — a  commercial  point  of 
view.  You  are  necessarily  ignorant  of  the  spirit 
and  the  traditions  that  regulate  these  affairs. 
But  it's  my  duty  to  tell  you,  Mr.  Pilkerton,  that 
the  bestowal  of  honours  is  not  a  matter  of  bargain 
and  sale.  If  I  were  to  go  to  my  Chief — to  the 
Prime  Minister — and  repeat  what  you  have  said — 
if  I  were  to  lay  before  him  this  barefaced  attempt 
at  blackmail — 

PILKERTON.    Mr.  Vandean ! 

VANDEAN.  Yes,  blackmail — I  think  he'd  posi- 
tively kick  me  out  of  the  room.  And  as  for  you, 
well,  you  must  see  that  you've  destroyed  your  last 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  103 

chance!     There's   nothing  the  Chief   resents   so 
much  as  any  appearance  of  pressure. 

PILKERTON.  But  Addisworth  told  me  I  must 
have  something  to  offer. 

VANDEAN.  Are  you  guided  by  a  boy  of  twenty- 
three  in  your  own  business?  Keally,  I  can  only 
vish  you  (he  bows  stiffly)  good  morning,  Mr. 
Pilkerton. 

PILKERTON.    You  mean  that? 

VANDEAN.  Absolutely.  You  must  stand  for 
Wrensford  yourself.  Good  morning.  I'll  ring  the 
bell  for  you.  (Going  up  to  "back  where  there  is  a 
bell  by  door). 

PILKERTON  (stepping  forward).     Stop! 

[VANDEAN  stops.  They  face  one  another. 
I  don't  understand  your  attitude.  I  don't  know 
whether  to  believe  in  it. 

VANDEAN.     I  am  about  to  ring  that  bell. 

PILKERTON.  No.  I  must  beg  you  to  refer  to 
the  Prime  Minister. 

VANDEAN.     I  decline  to  refer  to  him. 

PILKERTON.     I  wish  to  see  the  Prime  Minister. 

VANDEAN.  With  such  a  proposal  as  yours !  Ut- 
terly out  of  the  question. 

PILKERTON.  I  shall  send  in  my  name  by  the 
servant. 

VANDEAN.  In  this  room  the  servants  take  my 
orders,  Mr.  Pilkerton. 

PILKERTON.  Is  the  list  of  Honours  settled  to- 
day? 

VANDEAN.  So  much  I  may  tell  you.  As  far  as 
we  are  concerned,  it  is  settled  to-day. 

[A  pause.  PILKERTON  walks  restlessly  up  to 
window  and  back  again  to  R.O.  VAN- 
DEAN  stands  quite  still  L.C.,  his  eyes  fol- 
lowing PILKERTON  and  watching  him 
keenly — not  sure  whether  he  has  beaten 
him  yet. 


104  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

PILKERTON.  I  suppose  I've  no  right  to  ask  ad- 
vice of  you — after  last  night.  (He  is  sulky  but 
humbled). 

VANDEAN.  I  don't  desire  to  refer  to  last  night 
— but,  if  you  ask  me,  I  think  your  behavior  was — 
well,  really,  I  can't  characterise  it  in  civil  terms, 

PILKERTON.     Towards  you? 

VANDEAN.  Oh,  towards  everybody — towards  me> 
towards  your  daughter,  towards  our  friend  Ladj 
Hetty.  And  why? 

PILKERTON.  Never  mind  why.  But  if  I  get 
what  I  want,  I  give  other  people  what  they  want, 
Vandean. 

VANDEAN.  Are  you — bargaining  still?  (Pause). 

PILKERTON  (slowly).  No,  I'm  not  bargaining. 
I'm — beaten.  I'm  not  at  home  in  this  sort  of  busi- 
ness. What  ought  I  to  have  done? 

VANDEAN.  Given  the  vacancy  at  Wrensford — • 
we  won't  discuss  how  it  occurred — your  course, 
your  only  course,  was  to  ask  an  interview  with  the 
Prime  Minister — to  express  to  him  your  very  deep 
regret  that  conscientious  scruples — a  temporary 
divergence  of  opinion — prevented  you  from  offer- 
ing at  the  moment  the  personal  support  and  serv- 
ice which  it  had  always  been  your  great  ambition 
to  give.  And  you  would  add  that  it  would  afford 
you  extreme  gratification  if  another  member  of 
your  family  were  selected  to  uphold  the  banner; 
and  you  would  pledge  yourself  to  give  to  that 
member  of  your  family  your  strenuous,  whole- 
hearted, unreserved  support.  If  you  had  followed 
that  course,  Mr.  Mangan  might  have  seen  you,  he 
might  have  listened,  he  might  have — But  of  course 
I  don't  know  anything  for  certain.  [A  pause. 

PILKERTON.  Vandean,  will  you  get  me  that  in- 
terview now? 

VANDEAN.     Too  late! 

PILKERTON.    Where  is  the  Prime  Minister? 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  105 

VANDEAN  (pointing  to  door  R.).  Oh,  he's  in  his 
room  there,  but  I  really  couldn't  venture  to  dis- 
turb him. 

PILKERTON.  You  could  manage  it  for  me,  if 
you  liked. 

VANDEAN.  It  would  strain  my  influence  to 
breaking  point.  And  if  I  told  him  of  your  original 
proposal — ! 

PILKERTON.  I  withdraw  that.  Get  me  the  in- 
terview. 

VANDEAN.     I  can't. 

PILKERTON.  Have  a  try  for  it.  Come,  you  un* 
derstand  me.  Have  a  try. 

VANDEAN.  Frankly,  if  I  try,  it  won't  be  for 
your  sake. 

PILKERTON.    It  would  be  for — ? 

VANDEAN.     Your  daughter's.  [A  pause. 

PILKERTON  (slowly).  I  understand  you.  And 
I  keep  my  word.  Try  for  me. 

VANDEAN.     Wait  here. 

[He  goes  to  door  R.,  knocks  and  goes  in,  care- 
fully closing  door.  A  minute  passes,  dur- 
ing which  PILKERTON  paces  restlessly 
about  the  stage,  up  to  window,  down  to 
L.  again,  etc.,  restlessly  moving  his  arms, 
muttering  indistinctly,  giving  a  picture 
of  a  man  in  extreme  suspense  and  anxi- 
ety. During  this,  door  L.  is  opened  a  lit- 
tle way,  ADDISWORTH  looks  in  unseen  by 
PILKERTON,  grins,  and  disappears.  Door 
R.  opens  again,  PILKERTON  being  then 
L.C.,  and  VANDEAN  enters,  closing  door. 

PILKERTON  (eagerly).    Well? 
VANDEAN  (gravely).     The  Prime  Minister  will 
see  you. 

[PILKERTON  darts  impetuously  to  R.,  VAN- 
DEAN  closing  door. 


106  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

For  ten  minutes.  Don't  exceed  your  time.  (Half 
opens  door).  And  for  heaven 's  sake  avoid  any 
appearance  of  pressure. 

PILKERTON   (whispering).      I   understand. 

VANDEAN  (whispering).  It  all  depends  on  how 
you  put  it.  (Opens  door  and  calls  off).  Mr.  Pil- 
kerton,  sir! 

[PILKERTON  goes  off  R.  VANDEAN  closes  door, 
then  suddenly  claps  his  hands  gently, 
and  dances  a  step  or  two. 

Just  had  time  to  tip  the  Chief  the  wink !  Neat  of 
old  Pilkerton,  but  a  trifle  neater  of  yours  truly, 
eh?  Now  I  think  I'll  have  a  little  talk  with  Ida. 

[He  goes  to  door  L.,  opens  it  a  couple  of. 
inches,  and  calls  in  an  important  whisper. 
Miss  Pilkerton! 

ADDISWORTH  (speaking  off).  Mayn't  we  all 
come? 

VANDEAN.  I  said  Miss  Pilkerton.  (He  goes 
back  to  R.C.  Enter  IDA,  closing  door  behind  her) . 
Hush! 

IDA.    Oh,  what's  happening? 

VANDEAN.  Your  father's  in  there  with  the 
Prime  Minister. 

[Points  R.     IDA  advances  to  L.C. 

IDA.    And  will  he  get  it? 

VANDEAN.  I  don't  know;  it  depends  on  himself 
— now. 

IDA.  Now?  But  didn't  his  plan  about  Wrens- 
ford  and  Mr.  Bascom — ? 

VANDEAN.     That  had  just  ruined  him. 

IDA.     We  all  thought  it  so  clever! 

VANDEAN.  Excuse  me,  but  that's  your  ignor- 
ance. However  (carelessly)  I  stepped  in.  I 
prevailed  on  the  Chief  to  see  Mr.  Pilkerton  and 
give  him  another  chance.  If  he  follows  my  advice 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

now,  all  may  yet  be  well.  If  not — well,  I  can  do 
no  more. 

IDA.  And  if  he  gets  the  peerage,  we  shall  owe  it 
all  to  you ! 

VANDEAN.  I  don't  attempt  to  deceive  you,  Miss 
Pilkerton.  You  will.  You  see,  there  are  better 
things  than  cleverness. 

IDA.  Indeed  there  are.  There  are  all  the  things 
that  you  are;  so  good,  so  honourable,  so  straight- 
forward, so  simple !  How  I — yes,  I  must  say  it — 
how  I  admire  you! 

VANDEAN.  You  didn't  seem  to  admire  me  so 
much  just  now.  You  called  me  mean. 

IDA.  But  I  didn't  understand.  I  thought  you 
were  refusing  to  help  papa. 

VANDEAN.     So  I  was. 

IDA.  Oh,  but  only  because — because  he  didn't 
ask  in  the  right  way.  And — (She  comes  a  step 
nearer  to  him)  you've  helped  him  now.  Why? 

VANDEAN.  A  man  has  his  memories.  No  un- 
kindness,  no  hard  words,  can  entirely  obliterate 
them.  (He  looks  at  his  watch).  Mr.  Pilkerton 
has  only  five  minutes  more. 

IDA.     I — I  want  to — to  ask  you  to  forgive  me. 

VANDEAN.     I  will  try  to  forget  what  you  said. 

IDA.  Forget!  I  forgave  you — even  when  I 
thought  you'd  only  flirted  with  me  and  were  in 
love  with  somebody  else. 

VANDEAN  (touched).  Why — why,  so  you  did! 
I'd  forgotten  that.  You  did  forgive  me — though 
you  thought  that.  You  said  you  trusted  me  with 
all  your  heart. 

IDA.  Yes,  in  spite  of  everything  I  trusted  you. 
And  I  was  only  angry  because  you  wouldn't  help 
papa  for  my  sake.  I  didn't  think  of  honour. 
Girls  don't  understand  much  about  honour,  do 
they? 

VANDEAN.    Not  the  rudiments! 


108  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

IDA.  No,  I  suppose  they  don't;  so  what  I  said 
doesn't  really  count,  does  it,  Lucius?  I — I  never 
meant  it  to  count  for  very  much,  you  know. 

VANDEAN  (going  towards  her).  Isn't  it  to 
count  at  all,  Ida? 

[He  takes  her  hand.     She  looks  up  at  him. 

IDA.  No.  (He  draws  her  to  him).  Lucius — no, 
wait  a  minute,  Lucius — wasn't  papa  pleased  when 
you  got  Mr.  Mangan  to  see  him? 

VANDEAN.  He  was  overwhelmed.  There  was 
nothing  I  mightn't  have  asked. 

IDA.    Did  you  ask — anything? 

VANDEAN.  Well,  what  do  you  think  I'm  asking 
now? 

IDA.  I  think  you're  really  rather  clever  too. 
At  least  you  seem  to  have  got  the  better  of  papa ! 

VANDEAN.  My  darling,  I  needn't  mind  telling 
you  now  that  your  revered  parent's  scheme  was 
the  neatest  thing  on  earth.  He  had  us  fairly 
cornered.  Bless  you,  we  couldn't  afford  to  lose 
that  seat !  Gad,  I  should  like  to  have  worked  that 
trick  myself!  Using  old  Bascom  like  that!  Oh, 
so  pretty,  and  so  thoroughly  in  accordance  with 
the  traditions  of  the  Constitution !  Come,  sit 
here.  (Makes  her  sit  L.C.  and  kneels  ~by  Tier). 

IDA.  But  if  it  was  all  that,  how  did  you  man- 
age to — to — to  come  out  on  the  top,  Lucius  dear? 

VANDEAN.  Heaven  forgive  me,  my  darling,  but 
I  bluffed  for  all  I  was  worth!  I  fair  scared  him 
writh  the  principles  of  purity. 

IDA.    The  principles  of  purity? 

VANDEAN.  Yes,  those  are  what  we  bring  to  the 
front  when  we  don't  mean  to  give  a  man  anything. 
We  should  be  swamped  without  7em,  Ida. 
(Chuckles).  And  of  course  the  old  Chief  meant 
to  see  him  all  the  time! 

IDA.    How  beautiful  to  be  both  as  honourable 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  1Q9 

and  as  clever  as  you!  I  expect  papa  would  like 
to  have  you  in  his  business. 

VANDEAN.  Oh,  we  must  keep  a  few  brains  in 
the  service  of  the  Government.  It's  mostly  rou- 
tine, but  just  now  and  then  we  find  the  need  of 
them. 

IDA.  Ah,  but  you're  always  there — the  power 
behind  the  throne! 

VANDEAN.  The  power  behind  the  throne!  I 
say,  you're  a  very  intelligent  girl,  Ida — as  well  as 
being  very  beautiful. 

IDA.  Oh,  I'm  not  beautiful.  Look  at  other 
girls  who — 

VANDEAN.  Well,  I'm  hanged  if  I  should  be 
afraid  to. 

IDA.  You're  very,  very  nice  as  well  as  being 
honourable  and  clever,  Lucius — and  I  really  must 
give  you  a — (she  is  about  to  kiss  him,  when 

[MANGAN  enters  R.  Seeing  IDA  he  stops  short 
in  doorway.  IDA  rises  hastily  and  draws 
away  from  VANDEAN,  who  rises  also. 

MANGAN.  Oh! — er — you  appear  to  be  engaged, 
Lucius  ? 

VANDEAN.  Yes,  thank  heaven  I  am,  sir!  No, 
no,  I  beg  your  pardon — I — I— I  misunderstood 
myself,  sir.  This  is — er — only  Miss  Pilkerton. 

[IDA,  L.C.,  confused.  MANGAN  advances  to- 
wards her.  VANDEAN  between  them,  a 
little  up. 

MANGAN.  To  be  sure!  Delighted  to  see  you 
again,  Miss  Pilkerton.  (He  comes  to  her  and 
shakes  hands). 

VANDEAN.  She  called  to  see  Addisworth,  sir, 
and  came  into  this  room — by  mistake. 

[Enter  PILKERTON  from  R.,  and  stands  down 
R.  He  holds  a  letter  in  his  hand. 


HO  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

MANGAN.  Ah,  my  dear  Mr.  Pilkerton,  you've 
written  that  little  line? 

PILKERTON.  Here  it  is,  Mr.  Mangan.  (He  gives 
letter  to  MANGAN). 

MANGAN  (handing  it  to  VANDEAN).  About 
Wrensford — for  the  Chief  Whip.  (To  PILKER- 
TON). And  didn't  you  say  your  son  was  here? 

IDA.     Jack's  in  the  next  room,  Mr.  Mangan. 

MANGAN.  Call  him,  Lucius.  I  must  by  all 
means  make  his  acquaintance. 

[VANDEAN  goes  and  opens  door  L.  and  calls. 

VANDEAN.  The  Prime  Minister  wants  you,  Pil- 
kerton. 

[Enter  JACK  L.    VANDEAN  goes  up  C.  again. 
MANGAN  advances  to  JACK,  holding  out 
his  hand.     HETTY  follows  in  after  JACK 
and  stops  behind  him  L.    After  her  AD- 
DISWORTH,  who  goes  up  behind  desk  L. 
MANGAN.    Mr.  Pi1  rerton,  I'm  delighted  to  shake 
you  by  the  hand,  I  rejoice  to  welcome  so  good  a 
supporter  and   to  make  acquaintance  with  the 
future  Member  for  Wrensford. 
JACK.    Member  for  Wrensford ! 

[ADDIS WORTH  grimaces  at  back  of  desk  L. 
HETTY  (coming  from  behind  JACK).    Oh,  fancy 
Jack  in  the  House!     I'm  so  delighted. 

MANGAN.  You,  Hetty!  What?  And  Jack! 
Eh?  Do  I  understand?  Nothing  could  give  me 
greater  joy,  Mr.  Pilkerton. 

PILKERTON.  I  always  hoped  Hetty  would  be  a 
daughter  to  me. 

HETTY.     I  enter  the  firm!    Oh,  Jack! 
IDA.     Oh,  Mr.  Mangan,  and  is  papa — (comes 
C.). 

MANGAN.  My  dear  young  lady,  I'm  more  in- 
debted than  I  can  easily  say  to  my  friend  Mr.  Pil- 
kerton. Aren't  we,  Lucius? 


PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE.  HI 

VANDEAN  (coming  down  to  R.C.,  'between  MAN- 
CAN  and  PILKERTON).  We  are,  sir.  He  has 
come  forward  in  the  noblest — the  most  disinter- 
ested way — 

MANGAN.    Quite  right,  Lucius,  quite  right. 

VANDEAN.    At  a  moment  of  embarrassment — 

MANGAN.  Er — of  possible  embarrassment, 
Lucius. 

VANDEAN.  Of  possible  embarrassment,  arid 
placed  his  son  and  his  own  unreserved  support  at 
our  disposal. 

IDA.     How  splendid  of  papa! 

ADDISWORTH.     Ripping ! 

PILKERTON.  I  have  done  nothing,  really  noth- 
ing. 

VANDEAN.  He  actually  calls  that  nothing,  sir! 
It's  worth  ten  thousand  men  in  Patagonia! 

IDA.     Papa,  it's  magnificent! 

ADDISWORTH.    It's  heroic,  Mr.  Pilkerton. 

HETTY.  It's  so  like  him — that's  what  I  feel; 
isn't  it,  Jack? 

MANGAN.  And  although  of  course  such  services 
are  a  passport  to  private  friendship  and  esteem 
only,  I  am  genuinely  rejoiced  that  they  come  from 
a  pillar  of  British  commerce,  from  a  man  whom 
I  have  long  considered  in  my  own  mind,  and  I 
have  often  mentioned  it  to  you,  Lucius — 

VANDEAN.    Very  often,  sir. 

MANGAN.  As  a  suitable  recipient  of  a  signal 
mark  of  exalted  favour.  (To  PILKERTON).  May 
I  anticipate  a  little  and  (taking  PILKERTON'S  hand 
and  looking  round)  thank  you  most  heartily,  my 
dear — lord  ? 

PILKERTON.     Sir,  I  am  astounded. 

MANGAN.  Yes,  yes,  very  properly!  And  now 
are  we  all  content?  (Up  a  little  and  lays  his  hand 
on  VANDEAN'S  shoulder).  Except  you,  my  dear 


112  PILKERTON'S  PEERAGE. 

Lucius.    Ah!     (Turning  to  IDA).    He  works  with 
all  his  might,  and  really  gets  nothing  for  it. 

VANDEAN  (very  virtuous).  Oh,  sir,  to  serve 
you— 

IDA.  But  this  time  he  has  got  something,  Mr. 
Mangan.  He's  got  me,  hasn't  he,  papa? 

PILKERTON.  Mr.  Mangan,  I'm  proud  to  welcome 
such  a  son-in-law.  (Shakino  hands  with  him). 

VANDEAN  (turning  to  MANGAN).  I  owe  it  all  to 
you,  sir.  Yes,  it  was  my  Chief,  my  great  and  hon- 
oured Chief,  who  taught  me  to  reconcile  the  im- 
mutable principles  of  purity  with  the  ancient  and 
noble  traditions  of  the  Constitution. 

MANGAN.    You've  learned  your  lesson  nobly. 

ADDISWORTH.    Hear!  Hear!  Hear!  Hear! 

MANGAN.    Take  example  by  him,  Addisworth. 

ADDISWORTH.  I  have,  sir,  or  how  should  I  have 
got  my  C.B.? 

MANGAN 

VANDEAN  IDA      ADDISWORTH 

PILKERTON  HETTY 

JACK 
CURTAIN. 


